Two Wants, One Unfulfilled
by dyenessa
Summary: Nominated for an Indie TwiFic Award - Bella wants one thing from Edward.... but Edward wants more. When will Edward get what he wants? AU/AH, Chock full of lemony goodness.
1. 1:27 AM

**A/N: Okay… so, it's been almost a year since I updated this story. Let's just say life got really crazy… live-in boyfriend-now-fiancee, crazy nine-year-old daughter, grad school and work kicking my ass, my newest love – roller derby… it's been a busy year. But rest assured, TWOU has been in my heart and mind the entire time. I have so many snippets that I have been working on that I didn't know where to go with it. Now with my wedding mere weeks away and a purity contract sitting timidly in my pastor's drawer, I have a newly reinvigorated need to write smut.**

**Anyway, for those loyal readers and new ones too, I am reposting the first 14 chapters (with minor edits) so that you can get caught up and ready to go for the new chapters which will be posted in quick order… And, yes, I mean it this time. **** Thanks again to all of you who sent notes of encouragement when I seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth for the past year. You have truly kept this story alive and, for that, I thank each and every one of you. New readers (and reviewers) are always welcome. Drop me a line and let me know what I've missed since last March. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not. But I do have two sets of New Moon trading cards that I picked up at Comic-Con. Yum! **

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**EPOV**

_Knock, knock, knock_

Three soft knocks woke me from my not-so-fitful slumber. I rolled onto my side as my eyes begrudgingly adjusted to the darkness, the bright green numbers of the alarm clock mocking me at such an ungodly hour.

_1:27 AM…. She's early…_

I knew it was _her_. She invaded my thoughts while awake and my dreams while I slept. My sister's best friend Bella… I have known her for years. Admiring her from afar, I was surprised when she came to my bed one night as my sister slept. I always played it safe, never wanting to jeopardize her friendship with Alice…. but when she came to me that night, I couldn't say no.

She wanted my body... and I gave it to her. I wanted her heart but she would not give it freely.

Three months and several encounters later, she still won't let me in.

_Knock, knock, knock_

A small part of me wanted to ignore the knocking, ignore _her_… I didn't know how much more of this sweet torture I could take. And then I thought, it's _her_, and wondered why I hadn't moved from my bed yet.

I knew what Bella wanted. And, even though I knew it meant nothing to her… God help me, I wanted to give it to her. I thirsted for her body almost as much as I thirsted for her heart. It was undeniable; I wanted all of her. But I will hold onto this small piece of her if it was all she was willing to give.

I heard my bedroom door open as her soft footfalls made their way into the room. I remained still and my eyes drift closed, feigning the sleep I wish I had. My back was to her but I could hear her coming closer, the sweet aroma of her perfume growing stronger with each step closer to my bed. Her footfalls stopped as her robe slipped down her shoulders and fell to the floor. Bella was not one to waste time. I knew she was ready.

Gently, I felt the covers being lifted from my body, the draft apparent to my bare back. She slid underneath and wiggled her body closer to mine. As she settled behind me, I could feel her warm breath on the back of my neck and her bare breasts pressing against my shoulder blades. A lone finger began a slow trail down my bicep to my elbow, my anticipation growing as she neared her destination.

"Edward," she sighed, and I couldn't help the slight shiver that wracked my body.

She placed a kiss at the base of my neck as her left hand curved around my hip and under the waistband of my boxer briefs. My cock betrayed my better senses as it hardened under her touch.

She elicited a soft moan from my slightly parted lips as she fisted my cock and began to milk it just the way I liked it. Pulling my earlobe between her teeth and suckling it to emphasize her point, she whispered three words in my ear:

"I need you."

What did she want? She wanted to _fuck_.

What did I want? I wanted it all.

But for right now? I'll take what I can get.

Reluctantly, I removed her hand from my cock and gently rolled her onto her back so that I could give her what she needed. Bella made quick work of my boxer briefs with her hands and feet. Once my cock was free, she grabbed it forcefully and pulled it towards her dripping cunt. No foreplay, no mushy words. Just my cock buried deep in her wet pussy.

God, I am such a fool for her.

I roughly grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head with my left hand. I grabbed her hip with my right and positioned my cock at her opening, glistening and wet for me. I pushed into her slowly, prolonging the moment for as long as I could. When I finally reached her cervix, I forced myself in a little deeper to emphasize how much I wanted to please her. Her soft gasp egged me on as I collapsed onto her and pulled back for another stroke. I released her wrists and cradled her head in my hand as I attacked the sensitive spot behind her left ear. Burying my head in the crook of her neck, I couldn't restrain myself from sucking and nipping at her supple flesh.

"No marks," she whispered. "Not too hard … but don't stop."

One of her many rules. No kissing on the lips. No visible marks. No eye contact. No feelings. No one else knew about our arrangement and she wanted to keep it that way. Unbeknownst to her, I had already broken one of her rules. I didn't want to break another. I didn't want to ruin what we had… however minor it might have been. I wanted to please her. I wanted her to come back to me. Maybe then she would give me her heart.

_Focus…. Make this good for her….Make it last for you…._

My stroke was slow and steady but firm as she mewled beneath me. Her hands slid down my sides to grab at my ass and pulled me deeper into her. I bit my lip to hold in the grunt I wanted to release. She felt so good that I wanted to cry out but I couldn't. This was between us. No one else was supposed to know.

I rose onto my knees and braced my left hand against my bedroom wall for leverage. The light of a streetlamp cast a slatted shadow across her face. Her lips were parted, her eyes were closed.

_She's breathless. And I did that to her._

_Her lips… I want to kiss her SO bad…._

But that wasn't one of our rules. It wasn't part of our _arrangement_.

And it was killing me.

"Faster," she panted. "Faster, Edward."

She always wanted more. Harder. Faster. Fuck 'gentle'. Fuck 'slow and easy'. It was always hard and fast for her. I wanted to take my time and savor each stroke. _She_ wanted a hard fuck and I didn't want to disappoint her.

I slid my hands up her thighs and wrapped her legs around my waist. Bella raised her hips and I swear she pulled me deeper into her depths. I grabbed her hips forcefully and slammed my cock deep inside her. A whimper escaped her lips.

_Fuck, that felt good…._

I slammed into her again, and again, and again, increasing my pace to her liking. She placed her hands above her head, palms flat against the wall, to brace herself for my next stroke. As I continued to pound into her, the crescendo of my mattress thumping into the wall broke the silence. We wouldn't want to disturb Alice's slumber; after all, Bella came over to visit _her, _not to fuck her brother senseless. Bella immediately placed her hands against my shoulders and pushed hard.

"On the floor. Now," she growled.

I climbed off of the bed and stood as she repositioned herself on the hardwood floor. Falling to my knees, I placed my palms flat against the floor and braced her shoulders with my wrists. Her robe was within reach, so I grabbed it quickly and placed it under her head. Ankles crossed behind my back, Bella lifted her hips off the ground and welcomed my eager cock. Our bodies were bathed in the skewed light of the streetlamp. Her breasts shook tantalizingly as I swiveled my hips and plunged in and out, in and out of her tight pussy.

_Hold it together, Cullen… she's not there yet…._

Bella grew impatient with my speed and grabbed my ass.

"Give it to me, Edward. You know how I want it."

I hooked my elbows under her knees and pressed her thighs into her chest. Craning my body over hers and grabbing onto her shoulders this time, I slammed even harder into her.

_Fuck, she's even tighter this way._

I could feel her inner walls starting to quake around my cock. But _I _wanted more. And this time I was going to take it.

She gasped as I pulled out of her. I sat on my heels, grabbing onto the back of her thighs. Bella lifted both of her legs straight up into the air, almost perpendicular to the floor, as I rose onto my knees and wrapped my arms tightly around her thighs. Her shoulders were pinned to the floor as I lifted her lower back off of the ground. I rested both of her legs on my right shoulder and grabbed my rock-hard cock in my left hand. I rubbed it against her clit until she squealed.

"_Fuck_, Edward…_Now!_"

_No more games, Cullen. _

But all's fair in fucking and war, right?

I slid home and it felt **so** good. She bit her lip as her pussy swallowed my cock whole. In this position, there was only one speed: fast. I rocked my hips back and forth, wrapping her thighs in a bear hug to remain upright. My knees were going to pay for it in the morning, but what a glorious way to suffer. I pounded her so fast that Bella found it difficult to get out monosyllabic words.

"Aaah, aaaah…fffff…uck….Gaaahhhhh…mmmmm….."

She was holding back. I could see it in her face. I wanted her to scream and wake up the whole fucking house right now but she won't. I haven't broken her yet but I will sure as hell try.

I was SO fucking close and I needed her there with me. Grabbing her thighs tightly in the crook of my right arm, I brought my left hand to her clit to finish her off.

_Cum for me, baby…. Cum for me…._

And then I felt it. A sharp hiss escaped her lips, her inner walls milking my cock as her body shakes uncontrollably. I pierced her core once, twice more before I swore under my breath and came hard inside her.

I gently lowered her body to the floor and pulled out of her, releasing her legs and placing her feet flat on the floor. Rising to my feet, I offered my hand to help her up. She quickly waved my hand away and picked herself up off the floor. I swore I saw a slight wobble in her step as she stood to leave but maybe that was wishful thinking.

I ran a hand through my hair and spied the blinding green numbers on my alarm clock.

_Almost 3 o'clock. She will be the death of me._

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella quickly make her escape through my bedroom door. She pulled the door closed and the soft click of the door's lock caused my head to bow in defeat. I stood there, angry with myself for letting her affect me like she does…. and terribly ashamed for liking it so much.

I'm used to her quick departure after sex. She never says goodbye; she doesn't even say _thank you. _She just leaves and slips quietly into Alice's room to feign the sleep my sister believes she gets. But tonight, something was different. Instead of the hurried footsteps I am accustomed to hearing after she leaves, silence greeted my ears. I looked down to my closed door and saw the shadow of her feet peeking out from the bottom of the door frame.

_She's still here._

I walked towards the door in an attempt to lure her back to me. I felt like it was my only chance to stop her. To figure her out. To help her figure _herself_ out.

As soon as I reached the door and placed my hand on the doorknob, Bella's footsteps began their usual retreat towards Alice's room. The soft click of Alice's door lock served as a confirmation that a golden opportunity had just passed me by.

Another night, another missed moment.

Next weekend, it will be more of the same. She will come to me under the cover of night, cloaking her actions and her emotions from those who care about her. And I will give in to her want as I always do, as she knows I will. And the vicious cycle will repeat itself over and over again.

But this has to stop.

This sliver of time I have with her is not enough for me. And I know she feels the same way.

She deserves happiness. She deserves love. And I want to be the one to give them to her.

Tonight, her knocks went unanswered yet she let herself in and took what she desired. _My_ knocking is much more subtle but proving to be effective.

This time, she _stayed_.

Even if it was for a few seconds, that tiny bit of hesitation makes me hopeful that there _is_ a chance for us.

A small victory indeed but, for now, I'll take what I can get.

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Whadya think? Please review! **


	2. Priorities

**A/N: Again, a repost of Chapter 2 for those who are new to the story and those who need a refresher. Let me know what you think!**

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-BPOV-**

I want to fuck Edward Cullen. And not in a mushy, lovey-dovey kinda way.

I am horny as _fuck_ and I want to maul him like a bitch in heat.

Don't get me wrong; I like Edward. We grew up together. His sister and I are best friends.

But right now? None of that matters. Right now, I have a one-track mind. And my mind is set on Edward Cullen.

My God, look at him. He's sprawled out on the living room couch, his left arm craned above his head and his left leg bent and leaning against the back pillows. His right hand is sitting on his stomach, lifting his black wifebeater just enough to give me a glimpse of his abs as they taper into the vee of his hips left visible by his low-rise black jeans. His right foot is firmly planted on the hardwood floor, allowing my imagination to run wild with thoughts of what's waiting for me between his legs…..

I prop my chin on my open palm and enjoy the view from the kitchen table. I bite my lip to contain the moan threatening to escape my lips.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice, my best friend and Edward's sister, pulls me out of my reverie. I try to shake it off but I don't think I'm convincing.

"Yeah, I'm good… I just, uh…." I ran my hand through my hair nervously and stammered helplessly. "You know how this stuff goes straight to my head," I reply, tipping my wine glass to my inquisitive friend.

_Yeah, the _wine_…. Definitely _not _your brother's thick, hard…._

"Maybe you should ease off the wine, Bella. You look a little flushed." Alice places a bowl of popcorn on the table and feels my forehead with the back of her hand.

"I'm fine, Alice. Really…." I remove her hand from my forehead and grab a handful of popcorn. I'm grateful she didn't catch me blatantly ogling her brother, but we need to get this show on the road… _fast_. "So when are you going to kick Edward off the couch so we can have our movie night?"

Alice and I have had movie nights at her place since we were little girls. No matter what is going on in our lives, we would have at least one night a week where we would pop some popcorn, watch a cool movie, and talk about boys and school. Even after all of these years – as 'boys' became 'men' and 'school' became 'work and graduate study' - we still try to make time for each other.

I grab the bowl of popcorn as we make our way to the living room. Alice, not known for being subtle, eagerly approaches her brother to interrupt his slumber. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!" She yanks the pillow out from under his head and mercilessly smacks him in the stomach with it.

Edward suddenly sits up on the couch, flinging the offending pillow at his sister. "Damn, Alice! Can't a guy just take a nap? Geez!" Still a little groggy from his nap, he runs a hand through his unruly mop of hair.

Alice will not be deterred. She grabs the popcorn bowl out of my hands and gracefully sits next to her brother. "You _know_ it's our movie night, Edward. You're taking up prime real estate on the couch," she bites, shoving popcorn in her mouth for emphasis.

Edward tries to reclaim his comfortable position on the couch, leaning back and craning his left leg over Alice's head. "Why can't you watch your 'chick flicks' upstairs? It's not like you don't have Blu-Ray up there."

_Damn, he's even sexy when he's cranky…._

"Because," Alice retorts, shoving her brother's leg off the couch. "The living room has surround sound. And who said we were gonna watch 'chick flicks' anyway? It was Bella's choice this week. _Last of the Mohicans _and _300_. Gotta get our bare-chested 'manly men' quotient in this week, right Bella?" She turns to me, beaming.

"Uh, yeah. Hot guys and sword fights. Right up my alley."

Edward chuckles. "Well, since I won't be getting any rest _down here_, I'll head on upstairs. Enjoy your 'manly men', ladies…"

"We will," Alice sings after him. "Bella, go grab the wine so we can get started."

I head back to the kitchen to grab the bottle of chardonnay. As I make my way back to the living room, I find emerald green eyes following my movements. Edward gives me that panty-dropping smirk of his as he ascends the stairs. I bite my lip in anticipation, attempting to shield my blush behind the curtain of my tresses.

_How can I get this movie night over with as quickly as possible so I can wipe that smirk off his face?_

"…..which one first?"

I turn my attention back to Alice.

"Huh?"

"Which 'manly man' first, Bella? Daniel Day-Lewis or Gerard Butler?"

Alice hates historical movies, which is why I chose these two specifically. There's _some _romance and drama, but not enough to overpower the brain strain that tends to accompany flicks like these. She'll be out in no time, even _if_ the guys are hot.

"_Mohicans_ first. Love first, then destruction."

_That's the way love goes, right?_

I fill our glasses and get settled on my side of the couch, the bowl of popcorn between us.

As much as I love these movies, I can't seem to concentrate. Not with what's waiting for me upstairs.

It's been a couple of weeks since our last…

I don't even know what to call this. It's so spontaneous, so outrageous, so…..

_Not me_.

And I'm lovin' every minute of it.

No frills, no attachments, just rough sex on demand. Who knew you could get such satisfaction from random, spontaneous acts of lust?

I had _no _idea what I was getting into when this all started. I thought it would just be a one-time thing. I was here, he was here… one thing led to another, and it just _happened. _But then once became twice, twice became thrice, and… I think I lost count. I can't get enough of him.

At times, I feel guilty about it all. I mean, I am not a 'one-night stand' kind of girl. I am a serial monogamist. A one-man woman. The typical loving and supportive girlfriend. But my relationship with Edward is not a "relationship" at all. We _fuck _– that's it. But the last time we…. _God_…. I felt something, something _more… _and I felt like I was using him.

But it's just sex… _right?_

I'm not_ anyone's_ girlfriend right now. _Solamente _Bella.

Even though I'm fucking around with Edward, I'm not _fucking around._ Edward's the first (and only) guy I've ever done this with.

And Edward knows _exactly_ where I stand. I'm not looking for a relationship. I just wanna get laid every once in a while. And he seems to be enjoying it as well.

Of course Alice would KILL me if she ever found out. Not just the fact that I am having unattached sex, but the fact that said unattached sex is with her _brother_ might be a deal-breaker. So Edward and I are keeping this on the hush. And I prefer it that way.

Hell, men do this all the time, so why should there be a double standard for women? I enjoy sex just as much as anyone else. I shouldn't have to subject myself to a doomed relationship just so I can 'get some' on a regular basis. Cutting to the chase eliminates the inevitable heartbreak in the end. Self-preservation _and_ self-gratification – a winning combination. I'm horny, so I find Edward and get laid. Edward's been eyeing my tits since the seventh grade, and now he gets to touch them on a regular basis. Everyone gets what they want in the end, right?

So, here I sit, late as _fuck_ on Alice's couch, watching her nod off as we make it past the halfway point in _300_. Working on my fourth glass of wine, I note that I have about 45 minutes of bare-chested Spartans to stare at before I can make my way upstairs. Our movie night went a little longer than expected; I guess I'll have to reward Edward's patience tonight….

It's almost 3 A.M. and I'm _finally_ making my way to him.

Darn. He's already asleep.

_Guess I have to wake him up, don't I?_

Closing the door behind me, I stare at my prey. He looks so peaceful – his eyes closed, lips parted, arms arched widely above his head. I can see his eyes moving rapidly under his eyelids. He's dreaming. He's beautiful.

_It's just sex, right?_

Maybe I need more convincing than I thought.

My camisole top hits the floor first. I pull the drawstring on my pajama pants, loosening it enough to hook my thumbs under the waistband. I push my pants and my soaked panties over my hips and step out of them before I make my way over to Edward's sleeping form. I climb atop the bed panther-like, crawling my way up his warm, supple body.

"Edward," I croon. "Wake up, Edward."

He does not respond, so a more direct approach may be in order. I continue to climb his body until I can sit comfortably on his chest, his head nestled in the apex of my thighs. I rise onto my knees; my pussy is so close to his mouth that I can feel his breath on me as he inhales and exhales in his sleep. I lean my left hand against the wall above his headboard for balance. His hair is too tempting not to touch, however, so I begin to run my fingers of my right hand through his locks and rub his scalp soothingly.

My body grows impatient and I begin to rub my pussy lips against his nose and mouth. I grab his hair and pull gently.

"Edward, _taste me_… you _know_ you want a taste… "

My ministrations elicit a moan from his lips and I feel him lick his lips in the process. That small flicker of his tongue against my clit causes me to buck my hips in his face. I feel him move under me, his chest expanding roughly and his breath raggedly caressing my folds. His hands begin to caress my thighs and slowly make their way to my luscious ass. I know he's awake now, his moans growing louder and his hands becoming more aggressive as he pulls my hips closer to his eager tongue. He begins to suck my clit in earnest. My eyes drift closed in pleasure.

"Mmmmmm… that's a good boy….."

His tongue, his lips…. God, he's a master at this. Slowly, Edwards traces my clit with his tongue. Once he's made a full circuit, he takes my clit between his lips and sucks gently. He begins to gently nibble on my clit with his teeth and my first orgasm of the night rocks me to the core. I can feel myself cumming on his tongue, Edward graciously lapping up the evidence of my arousal. Edward begins to buck his hips. I shouldn't be the only one getting off here, right? Keeping one hand in his hair, I arch my back slightly and reach for his straining cock with the other. He is rock hard and ready to be sucked off. I attempt to pull his head away from my clit, but he won't let go.

"I want to pleasure _you_ now," I whisper to him.

He whimpers, still a little groggy from his sudden awakening. "Mmmmmm….no," he groans, and his lips find mine once again.

_Fuck, he's good at this…._

Reluctantly, I unwrap my thighs from around his head. Another soft whimper escapes his lips.

"Don't worry," I croon as I rotate my body to face his eager cock. "I'll give it back."

I place my left knee on the other side of his chest. Suddenly, I feel Edward's hands roughly grab my hips again to pull my pussy back to his waiting lips.

"Impatient, aren't we?"

He simply moans and gets back to work. He alternates between licking my lower lips and flicking his tongue deep within my pussy. He then brings his fingers into play. He uses two fingers on each hand to open my pussy wider and begins to fuck me with his stiff tongue.

I love cock, and Edward's is quite a specimen to behold. Thick and long, curving slightly towards my mouth as if it knew I was waiting to take him in. I grab him gently, loving the weight of his cock in my hand. A drop of pre-cum appears on his head and I am mesmerized by it. A sharp tug on my clit brings me back to the matter at hand. I eagerly lick my lips and welcome his flesh into my hot mouth.

I take him in slowly, reveling in the feel of his cock on my lips. Edward pauses from his pussy torture and sucks in a breath as I lower my head onto his cock.

"Shit," I hear him snap at no one in particular. I love it when a man loses control at my hand…. or my mouth, for that matter.

I remove my hand so that I can force him in as far as he can go. When his dick reaches the back of my throat, he bucks his hip and grunts in pleasure. I swirl my tongue around him as I slowly raise my head from his hipbone. I move at a steady pace up and down his cock, mimicking his skilled movements against my clit. Edward is making it very hard for me to concentrate on his cock as he attempts to get another orgasm out of me. He sucks even harder on my clit and I can't help but moan around his cock. As my orgasm nears, I remove my mouth from his cock and grab him forcefully with my right hand. Milking his cock with my hand, I can hear the soft sucking noises he is making with his mouth and I lose control once again. He laps up my juices as I ride the wave of my orgasm on his mouth.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck_

Once my orgasm subsides, I feast my eyes on his cock once again. A man on a mission, Edward won't let up on my clit. He has made it so sensitive that I can't take anymore of his gifted mouth. I hiss and pull away from him. I turn around and climb up his body.

"Too much, Edward… too much."

He looks at me with heavy-lidded eyes. "I just want to please you… I want to give you what you need."

I situate my pussy directly over his cock and I begin to lower myself slowly onto him. "What I _need_…. right now…. is your cock…. inside me. Can you give me that?"

He grabs my hips and grinds his cock in deeper. "Whatever you want, Bella. Whatever you want."

I sit up as straight as I can and roll my hips slowly to adjust to his massive erection. I run my fingers through my hair as his hands roughly grab my breasts. I rock slowly, raising my hips up and down at an excruciatingly slow pace. He raises his knees behind me, allowing him to slip deeper into my pussy.

"God, Edward. You feel _so_ good."

Edward raises himself on his elbows, countering my grind with easy thrusts. His mouth arches towards my chest and he begins to suck on my nipples with reverence. He wraps his left arm around my body, arching my back to bring my breasts closer to his mouth.

_Oh, God. He is fucking amazing…_

Using his right arm as leverage, he continues to thrust into me. His pace quickens and, suddenly, I find myself on my back. He grabs my right shoulder and raises my left hip to get a better angle. He's hitting all the right spots and I feel another orgasm coming on. I close my eyes and revel in the feeling.

"Fuck, Bella…. I love fucking you."

I can't help the guttural moan that escapes my mouth in response.

His constant thrusting against my sweet spot causes my body to hum and tense with impending orgasm. He lowers his lips to my ear.

"Yes, Bella…. Cum for me. Cum around my cock," he whispers.

He bites my earlobe and I lose all control over my body. My body convulses as orgasm overtakes me. Moments later, I feel his cock quiver with release. After a few moments, Edward pulls out of me and I immediately miss his fullness. As he walks away from the bed, his hot cum trickled out of my body and my body quaked in aftershock.

_His _cum _made me cum...that has _never_ happened before… _

_I've gotta get out of here._

I run. I have to. The detached, emotionless sex I thought we had was quickly evolving into..._more._

I run to Alice's room down the hall. I need to get dressed before Alice decides to make her way upstairs.

_Don't think about how he looks at you, clothed or unclothed…._

I wanted this, didn't I?

_Don't think about the way he worships your body like a deity…._

No frills, no attachments…. Right?

_Don't think about how he puts_ your _wants, _your_ needs, first…._

I am not obligated to him, and he is not obligated to me.

_Don't think about how no one has ever made you feel this way._

Damn it…..

I'm fucked – literally and figuratively. And I don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to. And I brought this all upon myself.

Maybe another glass of wine will help me build my resolve, keep me focused.

Or maybe it's true. Feelings always get in the way of what you _really_ want.

But what _do_ I really want?

I have the rest of the night, at least, to figure that out.

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Thanks for reading! Please review! :)**


	3. Moonstones and Memories

**A/N:**

**WARNING: There is no smut in this chapter *cue the awwwws of disappointment*. But, trust me, I will make it up to you in future chapters… maybe a double dose in Chapter 4? **

**I truly appreciate all of the positive feedback I have received thus far. You guys keep this story alive and I wish I could hug each and every one of you for your patience & support. **

**Enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think. **

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**-EPOV-**

She is gone and I am alone, as expected. Another sleepless night awaits me.

I climb back into bed and stare at the ceiling, spent and confused.

_What am I doing? And why do I keep doing it?_

Bella just ran out of here like a bat out of hell. No words, just a quick grab of her things and a quiet retreat down the hall.

As if I was diseased and contagious. As if my bed was made of nails instead of feathers.

I am just as guilty. I needed to talk to her. I needed to find out where her head was, whether what we had could evolve into something beautiful. But I let her leave. I didn't stop her from walking out that door. I keep replaying the last two hours in my mind, wondering what I could have done to stop her, but the end result is always the same – she is gone and I am alone.

A familiar knock greets my ears.

_She came back._

"You're back," I whisper. She simply nods.

I sit up slowly and admire her body.

Her chestnut locks are loose, flowing down her neck and back. A midnight blue satin slip falls fluidly around her svelte body, the spaghetti straps exposing her elegant collarbone and graceful neck. The gentle curves of her breasts are emphasized by the shimmering fabric, her taut nipples standing at attention for me. The slip tapers to accentuate her tiny waist, flaring slightly to accommodate her slender hips. The fabric stops mid-thigh, showcasing her long, toned legs.

Barefoot and breathtaking, Bella approaches the bed and I quickly stand to greet her. Once she reaches me, her knuckles graze the stubble on my cheek. I welcome her gentle caress. I mirror her touch, bringing my cupped palm to her face and rubbing the crest of her cheek with the pad of my thumb. Her scent draws me in, reminiscent of tulips and sunshine.

"I want you to love me, Edward," she whispers.

I reply without hesitation, "I always have, Bella. I always have….."

My eyes quickly dart from her caramel-colored eyes to her kissable lips. I run my thumb across her bottom lip, hoping she'll give in and allow me to press my lips against hers. She obliges me, nodding in encouragement. I envelop her in my arms, pulling her closer to meet her kiss. I close my eyes and wait expectantly for her lips to touch mine…

But that kiss never comes. I open my eyes to the bright light of mid-morning, not the shroud of night I expected. The essence of tulips and sunshine wafts from the springtime blooms below my bedroom window, not the warm skin at the crook of Bella's neck. The beautiful woman and her midnight blue slip were never here.

She is gone and I am alone.

Again.

As expected.

* * *

My room used to be a retreat for me. I could get away from the coldness of the world and find solace in the things that made me happy – my family, my friends, my music, my memories. I could let my guard down, be vulnerable, express myself without fear of criticism or judgment. When I reemerged, I was reborn and ready to face the world.

Now I am haunted by the ghost of "what could have been" and the comfort I once found here is gone.

When Bella walked into my room that first night, my guard was down. I was vulnerable and I gave in. I got caught up in the moment. I didn't think about the ramifications of my actions. I didn't think about the conflict of interest; yes, I cared about her, but I could detach my heart from the act…. or, at least, that it what I told myself at the time.

And I have failed miserably.

Contrary to our arrangement, this is more than just a physical relationship for me. I have been in love with Bella for years. I know Bella's darkest secrets and her deepest fears, things that lesser friends would not be privileged to learn about her. I know her heart and I know what she is afraid of; I have the same fears. We have a lot in common, actually. I think this is one of the reasons why we were drawn to each other as kids and why I am so drawn to her now.

My mother, Elizabeth Masen, died of breast cancer when I was ten years old. She was all that I knew, all that I had, and she was taken away from me. The Cullens – my mother's sister Esme, her husband Carlisle, and their daughter Alice - graciously welcomed me into their family when I needed one the most… but it wasn't enough. Esme could not replicate my mother's love. Carlisle tried to be the father I never had but all I did was push him away. Alice, on the other hand, wouldn't let me cower into my shell. In true Alice fashion, she pestered me to play with her until I relented. And I am thankful I did; if I didn't befriend Alice, I never would have met Bella.

I had been living with the Cullens for a few weeks before Esme and Carlisle felt comfortable inviting company to the house. I was standing in the corner of my room, tinkering on my keyboard, when I heard a knock on my open door. I turned towards the sound. A slight young girl with pigtails and pink ribbons in her hair stood in the doorway and introduced herself to me.

"Edward? Hi. I'm Bella, Alice's friend. Can I come in?"

I turned my attention back to my keyboard, really not wanting to be bothered with her. "Whatever."

She walked over to me and attempted to look over my shoulder, watching my fingers as they bumbled over the keys.

"Do you play good?"

"Not really… but I just started learning."

Bella continued staring at the keys from over my shoulder. "Can I play?"

I abruptly stopped my tinkering. "No. My mom gave it to me for my birthday. It means a lot to me."

"Oh….sorry," Bella replied remorsefully. Alice probably told her what happened.

I started playing again, praying she would get the hint and leave me alone.

"Well, uh…. I think I better find Alice now." I could hear the uneasiness in her voice. She backed away from my corner, attempting to make her exit. "I brought you something… I'll just… put it on the bed."

I didn't even acknowledge her words.

She left the room without a sound.

There was a part of me that felt bad for hurting her feelings, especially since she brought me a gift. The least I could do was take a look at it and apologize to her later. After a few moments of solitude, I walked over to the bed to see what was waiting there for me.

On the bed sat two folded pieces of lined paper, probably torn from one of Bella's notebooks. As I lifted the raggedly torn sheets from my bedspread, a small stone slipped from the pages' folds. It was a flat oval-shaped stone, pearl-like in color and smooth to the touch. I flipped the pretty stone between my fingers and was surprised by the thumb-sized indentation in the stone, just as smooth as its flat side. The stone was probably about two inches wide and one inch long and it sparked as I admired it in the light. Returning my attention to the sheets of paper, I opened them to see what was written inside…

The first sheet was a colorful drawing of the Cullen house with each member of the Cullen family standing out front to meet me as I drove to my new home. All of the stick figures were labeled with arrows signifying who was who. Carlisle wore a burgundy sweater and khaki slacks, Esme wore a long dress with flowers all over, and Alice wore a pink princess dress and tiara. As for me… well, all you saw was my head and my waving arm hanging out of the car window, so I guess clothing was optional for 'the new kid'. There was a bright yellow sun with a big smile on its face, two tall green trees, and dozens of rainbow-colored balloons and spring flowers all around us. In the background, you could see another house. It was drawn a bit smaller, but I had a sneaky suspicion that it was Bella's house... I think the crudely-drawn stick figure next to the house with a big fat arrow pointing to it and the name 'Bella' written above it clued me in. Bella and all of the Cullens waved at me as my red car parked in front of the house. Across the top of the page in crayon-written capital letters, a white banner read "WELCOME HOME".

_Home_._ I like the sound of that. _

Then I looked at the second sheet. It wasn't a picture this time, but a note written as eloquently as only a nine-year-old can:

"_Edward, _

_Welcome to forks. I hope you_

_like it here. Use my stone. _

_It helped me when my dad died. _

_It can help you too. _

_Bella"_

She gave me a cool rock and drew me a picture. And I treated her like crap. Now I felt _really_ bad.

I grabbed my rock and walked over to Alice's room to thank Bella for her gifts. The door was open and Bella was alone. She was sitting in the middle of the floor with a sketchbook in hand, surrounded by crayons and pencils of varying shades and hues. I knocked so I wouldn't scare her. When she noticed it was me, her head quickly darted back down to her artwork.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

"Um…Ms. Esme told Alice that she needed to finish her chores before we could play. She's helping with the dishes." Her brow furrowed in concentration as she darkened the colors in her rainbow.

"Oh."

Okay… so _this_ is going well….

"Uh, Bella?"

She looked up at me and held my gaze this time. "Yes?"

"Thank you for the drawing. It was very good."

"You're welcome. Alice is so glad you're here."

That made me smile. "I like Alice, too."

Bella smiled warmly at me and, at that moment, I knew we would be friends.

I decided to join her on the floor, sitting 'Indian style' facing her. Once settled, I grasped the rock between my thumb and my forefinger and waved it at her. "Thanks for the rock, too. What kind of rock is it?"

Bella put her purple crayon down and grabbed the rock from my hand. "Actually, it's a moonstone worry stone."

"A moonstone worry stone?" I asked hesitantly. "I never heard of that before."

Bella pinched the stone between her thumb and her forefinger, her thumb nicely fitting in the indentation on the stone's face. "My mom gave it to me. She has a lot of stones and gems with healing powers. She gave this to me when my dad was in the hospital."

"It's pretty… but you said it helped you. How did it help you?"

Detachedly, Bella began rubbing the moonstone. "Well, moonstone is a healing stone. It heals your heart when it is hurting, pushes negative thoughts from your mind. And the cool shape?" she said, showing me the indentation in the stone. "That is what makes it a worry stone. You can rub your worries right into the stone… so you don't have to be sad anymore. I rubbed it a lot when my dad died." She continued to rub the stone as she studied it.

I took the stone from her hands and rubbed the stone between my own fingers. The shimmering stone captivated me. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. "Did it work?"

"Well, I don't think about it much anymore, so I guess it did."

I offered Bella's stone back to her. "I can't keep this, Bella. It means a lot to you."

She pushed my hand away and turned toward me. "No, it's okay, really. My mom gave me my own stone to carry around with me wherever I go. See?"

Her hand flew to her neck. A crescent moon, a silver star, and three tiny stones hung from a silver necklace. She leaned towards me to give me a closer look. I held the hanging pendant in my hand, looking at the stones that hung from the chain.

"The green stone is malachite," Bella began. "It protects me from harm. The white stone is the moonstone. And the red stone is garnet. It brings love and good luck." When she was finished, she sat back up and the pendant fell from my hand. Bella lowered her chin to her chest and grasped the pendant reverently. "My dad is always with me, so I don't have to be sad anymore."

Even though her words said differently, I could hear the melancholy in her voice. Bella's head remained bowed as I began to make amends. "I'm sorry I was mean to you earlier."

Her pigtails swung around her as she shook her head, still staring intently at her feet. "It's okay. I understand."

I had to make it up to her somehow. "Well… you can come over and play with my keyboard, if you want…"

Her head shot up and I was afforded another glimpse of her smile. She practically beamed at me. "Thanks, Edward! Maybe later-"

A loud shriek interrupted our conversation. "EDDIE!"

Our heads turned to see Alice, all three-foot-eight of her, standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. Bella and I stood up quickly.

Alice continued her tirade. "GET OUT! GET! OUT! GIRLS ONLY!"

Bella quickly jumped to my rescue. "It's okay, Alice. He just wanted to say hi."

"It's alright. I'll go to my room," I shrugged. This is still Alice's house anyway. I didn't mind leaving the room but I _did_ want to spend more time with Bella.

Alice chuckled softly as I made my way towards her door. A small voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Bye, Edward."

I turned quickly and mumbled my goodbye as I left Alice's room for my own next door.

I crawled onto my bed, moonstone in hand. I wondered how such a small stone could help someone overcome something as painful as the loss of a parent. But it helped Bella; maybe it could help me. Bella's small gesture gave me hope that I would be okay someday. So I gave the moonstone – and Bella – the chance to make a difference in my life.

* * *

Eventually, Bella _did_ stop by my room to play on my keyboard. She was awful but I didn't care.

I even helped Bella with a drawing or two. I was not an artist but I don't think my talent mattered to her either.

We simply enjoyed each other's company.

During our alone time, we would talk about whatever was going on in our lives. Any topic was fair game – from who were the meanest kids at school (Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton) to which color M&M tasted the best (I liked blue; Bella preferred brown). At times, our talks became serious. The first anniversary of my mother's death was very hard for me; Bella understood and helped me get through it. Bella felt like her mother distanced herself from her after her father died; I distanced myself from the Cullens and could identify with her mother's behavior. We didn't have alone time very often, but we tried to take advantage of any time we had together to learn more about one another.

After a little goading from Bella, Alice didn't mind if I came in during their "girl time"… as long as it didn't happen too often. As children, it was okay for the three of us to spend time together. If the weather was nice, you might find the three of us riding our bikes around the neighborhood or playing freeze tag in the backyard. The girls probably spent as much time in my room playing with my action figures as they did in Alice's room playing "dress up". When we entered junior high, however, it was no longer "cool" to hang out with the opposite sex… so our threesome was eventually disbanded. Bella still came to the house most days after school (and weekends, of course), so I was still able to see her on a regular basis.

And, _boy_, did I see her…..

I couldn't stop myself from watching her blossom into her womanhood. Dirty jeans with holes in the knees were replaced with short skirts and barely-there shorts. Kiddie t-shirts with 'My Little Pony' and 'Rainbow Brite' on them were replaced with skin-revealing tank tops that emphasized the womanly curves she developed. Her pigtails and ribbons were replaced with free-flowing, honey-colored waves and shiny hair clips. I won't even talk about her chosen attire for their coveted "Girls' Nights".

She was beautiful and I never had the nerve to tell her.

Our high school years came and went. I was too involved with cross country and track to spare any serious time with girls. Granted, I _did_ have a girlfriend or two but it was never anything serious to me. As Bella grew older and more guys started taking notice of her, I became jealous of all the attention she received. I never had the balls to ask her out, partly for fear of rejection because I was her friend… and partly for fear that I wouldn't give her the love and attention she rightfully deserved. So I watched her date from afar; sleazebag after sleazebag would take her out and I was the unlucky bastard who had to hear all of these tales through the adjoining wall between my room and Alice's room.

Yet despite our outward appearance as simple acquaintances, we still found time for clandestine meetings over her poorly-played compositions on my keyboard or my shoddily-colored drawings in her sketchbook. No one ever knew the true magnitude of our connection and we liked it that way. No matter how big or how small, we sought each other out to share our lives and repair our broken hearts. My room was her refuge, a safe place where we could be ourselves… and I welcomed her openness.

It was during those moments that I learned the most about Bella.

It was because of those moments that I fell in love with her.

I never knew if she felt the same way then.

And I have no idea how she feels now.

My room, once my refuge, is now my jail cell. In this room, I give _her_ power. In this room, I give in to my lustful urges because _she_ asks me to.

And what have I asked of her? Nothing.

Maybe it's time for me to claim my voice in this relationship. A willing participant at first, I can't bear to continue this without letting her know how I feel…. and I think I deserve to know whether she feels the same way or if this really _is_ just meaningless sex to her.

Can the Bella of the night become the Bella of my dreams? Does she even _want_ to be?

Neither peace nor sleep will come to me tonight.

**

* * *

FYI: I posted links about the stones I mentioned and a pic of Bella's necklace under my profile in FF. **

**Whatcha think? Love me long time? Hate it worse than a New Moon trailer with minimal or no RPattz? Miss the smut? Love my sappiness? PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. A Kiss Is Not Just A Kiss

**A/N: **

**Okay, kids. This is a long one. Some mush, little schmexy but probably safe to read around the kiddies (not **_**to**_** them, of course). Smut ensues full force in chapters 5, 6, 7, 8... shit, just trust me on this one, k?**

**As always, Bella and Edward are not mine… and I cry about it at night. Copyright infringement is not intended. Thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm and to all of you for your reviews and support. Enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think.**

**

* * *

BPOV**

Down the hall, behind Alice's closed door, I attempt to catch my breath.

_Shit!_ _ What have I gotten myself into?_

Okay, so maybe I didn't think this out as thoroughly as I should have.

I thought we could have a mutually-satisfying arrangement in which we would "scratch our mutual itches," so to speak.

But now, long-forgotten feelings are starting to bubble to the surface and I am conflicted.

I went to Edward's room, expecting to get my rocks off, and I _did…_ but not like this.

_Not like this…_

I pull my clothes on quickly, knowing that Alice could make her way upstairs any minute. I am lucky Alice drank so much wine earlier; hopefully she won't wake up any time soon. I would hate for her to walk in on me half-naked in her bedroom looking as if I had been thoroughly fucked.

Which I _was_... but that's not the point.

The point _is_ that our... _'arrangement'_... is no longer working out the way I intended.

And this needs to be fixed... _fast_.

* * *

So we have a history…. Not much of a romantic one, but a history nonetheless. When we met, he was in a bad place. Alice told me about his mom and how he spent a lot of time holed up in his room. He wouldn't even speak to me. So, I decided to introduce _myself_ one day. I gave him my favorite moonstone, hoping that it would make him whole again... and it did. He became a kid again and I gained a friend.

That moonstone became a symbol of our bond to one another. We always knew when the other needed its healing power. I remember when my golden retriever Dusty died. I cried for a week and refused to see my friends. Edward came to the house and sat by my bedroom door, trying desperately to convince me to leave my bed. After a while, Edward gave up... but before he walked away, I heard an object skid across my bedroom floor. Sure enough, Edward brought the moonstone back to me. He knew I needed it. I was able to catch him before he left and we spent the rest of the afternoon sharing Dusty stories and crying happy tears onto the dog tags my friend left behind.

After a while, we didn't need the moonstone to quell our fears or dry our tears. He became my human moonstone... and I became his. We supported each other when no one else understood our troubles. Edward always had a rough time around the anniversary of his mother's death and I missed my dad terribly. We offered each other emotional support and nothing more.

That's not to say that I didn't _think_ about more with Edward. In fact, I had the biggest crush on him in high school. No one knew about it - not even Alice. There were many sleepovers at Alice's room where I would dream about the boy down the hall and how his lips would feel against mine... how his tongue would feel entangled with mine... how his scent would surround me and his hands would caress me as he entered me for the first time. In my dreams, Edward was my first boyfriend, my first French kiss, and the boy who would take my virginity. In reality, other boys were given those honors. But at night, as my body writhed under my satiny sheets, the Edward of my dreams did naughty things to me. The hands that palmed my breasts were not my own; it was always Edward who caressed me so reverently. It was his nails that raked along the inside of my legs, making me want for his cock to touch me deep inside. It was his fingers that plunged into my core and massaged my g-spot. It was his left hand that held my pussy lips open wide as his other hand strummed my clit until I came. As my moonstone, Edward held me close and always told me that everything was going to be okay; Edward of the night would worship my body as if it was the finest of lace and make me cum without asking for anything in return.

_If only dreams could come true..._

Romance in high school was never in the cards for us. Edward had his pick of the prettiest girls in school and I... well, let's just say I _didn't _fall into the "pretty girl" category. All of the girls at school wanted a piece of Edward Cullen and I was no exception. He had no idea what thoughts were running through my mind whenever I saw him running at a track meet or sprawled out on his living room couch.

As if it would matter if he _did_. I was just a little sister to him, _not_ girlfriend material.

As far as our friends were concerned, Edward was my best friend's brother and nothing more. We traveled in different circles in high school, so we were never seen together. I would see him in passing in the hallways or casually say 'hi' whenever I went to study hall to work with Alice. Yet despite the distance time and puberty put between us, we had a knack for knowing when the other needed a moonstone... either the physical stone we shared between us or each other's support in spirit. He would show up at my door with our moonstone in hand or I would place it on top of one of the many pillows on his bed. Even though our one-on-one time was minimal, just having his moonstone back in my hands was enough to get me through. That's how it worked; that's how _we_ worked. And even though I didn't have as much of Edward as I wanted, I was happy with the piece of him I had.

When Edward graduated from Forks High and decided to attend college on the East Coast, I took it kinda hard. I did get a chance to see him right before he left for school. I know I said and did some things that I regretted at the time but, both then _and _now, I knew it was for the best.

_

* * *

Five years earlier…._

Edward's door was slightly ajar, artificial light streaming into the hallway.

_I don't know if I can do this…_

I hesitantly approached his door. It's been a while since we talked; we lost touch over the years. But I couldn't watch him leave without saying 'goodbye'.

_Well, here goes nothing…._

Three quick knocks. Maybe he didn't hear-

"Come in."

I pushed the door open slowly, surprised to see Edward lying prone on the mattress. His right knee was carelessly bent and propped up against the wall, his left forearm shielding his eyes from the lamp light.

"Edward? What are you doing up here? You're missing the party…._your_ graduation party, to be exact."

Edward lifted his forearm from his face and turned his head towards my voice, seemingly surprised to hear my voice. "Bella? What are _you_ doing up here?" He rubbed his eyes, as if I had awoken him.

Sheepishly, I reply, "Alice…. she, uh… sent me looking for you, and I didn't see you downstairs." I pointed my thumb toward the door behind me. "I just saw your light, and your door, um…"

"It's okay, really," he laughed. "I just needed to clear my head for a bit. It got a little claustrophobic down there."

"Yeah, I can sympathize."

I had been to his room many times but I haven't seen it up close and personal since we were kids. I made my way around the room curiously, taking notice of things that have changed over the years. Running my fingers along the door frame, I could feel the notches where we marked how tall we were at the beginning of every school year. Alice, Edward, and I spent a lot of time in his room – it was the biggest, after all. Most of the time we were invited; other times, when he was acting like the bratty brother, we might go in on a "rescue mission" to retrieve Alice's stolen dolls. A lot of memories, a lot to remember…..

Looking around, I noticed that the tone of the room has changed. When Edward finally warmed up to the Cullens, he was your average ten-year-old. As a child, his walls were littered with colorful cartoon characters and "accidental" artistic expressions drawn in permanent marker; the walls have since been painted beige and their emptiness was a sharp contrast to their childhood exuberance.

Next to the door, underneath the light switch, used to sit a toy chest, home to his G.I. Joes and an impressive Hot Wheels collection. I would use his toy chest as a stepping stool, giving me easier access to his light switch when I was pretending _not _to be afraid of the dark. Ms. Esme had this beautiful wooden rocking chair in the corner of the room, next to it a bookcase filled with our favorite books. I remember when I used to read while rocking myself in the chair as Edward practiced on his electronic keyboard. Now, the toy chest and the rocking chair have been replaced with a computer desk, littered with books, old homework (presumably), and CD cases. On its top shelf sat a computer lamp, craning its neck to cast the room in angular shadows and light.

The bookcase was still there, but the collection of books has changed. Instead of _Goodnight, Moon _and _Peter Rabbit, _Dante and Ovid now graced its shelves. Above his bookcase sat a window, from which Edward would yell at Alice and me as we played in the backyard without him.

His childhood twin bed used to sit along the wall opposite the door; his blue Transformers comforter was his favorite blanket. Over the years, he must have traded his twin for a queen to accommodate his growing frame. Transformers were traded for a solid black duvet with beige trim, a slatted cherrywood headboard sharply contrasts the stark beige wall. Two windows graced this wall, but the daylight I typically saw through their blinds was not due for another four or five hours.

I walked over to his electronic keyboard, sitting diagonally in a corner typically hidden behind his bedroom door. Yep, it's the same 61-key Casio that I remembered, but the baby grand in the formal sitting area downstairs got more use as of late. Even his repertoire changed; instead of the "Chopsticks" and "Heart & Soul" of his youth, he played moody self-authored pieces and covers of Mozart's greatest hits.

Young Edward was full of life – vibrant, spontaneous, crafty, playful. _This_ Edward was different – older, broodier, introverted, secular.

I reached out to touch the keys –

"So _now _you wanna learn?"

I jumped and spun around in shock. His voice was a little too loud, a little too close. Edward stood behind me as I admired his keyboard, smirking at my fright.

I smirked back at him. "Yeah… but my teacher is leaving, so I guess I'm shit out of luck."

As I turn my attention back to the keyboard, I hear another chuckle escape his lips. "I guess so." You could hear the smile in his voice. It was comforting.

His voice interrupts my lame attempt at music-making. "I heard about Jake…. I'm sorry."

_Oh yeah._ _ Jake._ "No, Edward. It's OK, really," waving him off. I didn't need to think about _him_ right now.

_What did I come up here for anyway?_

"But you two were together for awhile. I thought you two were –"

_Shit._

I turn to him, my eyes pleading for him to stop. "Can we not talk about Jake right now? Please?"

I think I scared him off. "Uh, yeah…" He turned his back to me, walking towards his bed.

_Damn._ _ First, I intrude on his 'alone time'._ _ Now, I've hurt his feelings._

_Apologize, Bella…_

I unclenched my shoulders and let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

He looked up from his perch on the bed and eyed me curiously. "For what? _I'm_ the one who brought it up. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, Edward. You were just being thoughtful and I snapped at you. You don't deserve that."

"No apology necessary." He waved his open palm over his bed, offering a truce. I took a seat next to him, still contemplating my broken relationship.

We sat in silence, still a little uncomfortable. All my fault, of course. This might be my last moments with Edward before he leaves for school and I don't know what to say to him.

"So, Edward...looking forward to half-naked college girls?"

_Good one, Bella…. Real smooth….._

He laughed at my off-the-wall comment. "That's only in the movies, Bella. College is _not_ like that... well, at least _Dartmouth _isn't like that..."

I crossed my arms across my chest, rolling my eyes at his asinine comment. "Oh, give me a break. There are tons of cute girls there, right?"

"Yeah..." he replied, nodding along with my train of thought.

"And a whole bunch of horny guys like yourself..."

He raised his hands in a defensive posture. "Hey, I take offense to that-"

I chuckled again. "Only because you know it's true."

Edward relented with a smile, of course. He knew I was right. "Well, okay... BUT I'll be on my best behavior my first semester. Gotta keep my grades up if I want to go to med school."

My eyebrows raised in shock and awe. "Med school, huh? Is that why you played doctor with Jessica Stanley on a regular basis?"

"She needed continual follow-up care," he smirked in my direction.

"I bet she did..."

I missed this... the two of us, going back and forth with silly banter to see who would crack first. It was hard enough when high school games impacted our relationship, but now? He's going to be 3,000 miles away - no more play fighting, no more emotional talks, no more moonstone. And with all of the people he'll meet at Dartmouth, he won't need little ol' Bella anymore.

"Uh, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Alice? Party? Downstairs?"

"But I don't wanna go back down yet...," he whined. I _hated_ it when he whined.

I stood and made my way to the door. "C'mon, Edward. This is for your sister and the rest of your family. It's a big deal for them, too, you know..." I turned to see if he was following me but he remained rooted in his spot on the bed.

I leaned back on the door, still clutching the door knob in my hand, tapping my foot impatiently.

With a resigned slouch of his shoulders, he walked towards me. "Fine," he huffed, "but can we spend a _few_ more minutes up here? I'm not ready to go back down yet." His hand reached out and grabbed the hand at my side. He was so close and his gaze was so intense that I couldn't look away. "Stay with me?"

I was speechless. My jaw dropped slightly at his unexpected request. How could I say 'no' to that?

_I can't... _

Of course I relented. "Well... maybe a _few_ more minutes..." He smiled as he pulled me back toward his bed. "_But_," I stated pointedly, "you're not getting out of this party, Edward. Don't try to keep me up here all night."

_Please keep me up here all night... please keep me up here all night... _

He crossed his heart with his index finger. "I'll be on my best behavior," he smirked.

_Damn... _

So we talked. _A lot_. Most of the time, we bullshitted about life and stupid things that were going on. I told Edward about what happened with Jake ("the fucker cheated on me, fuck 'em both"), my mom's latest additions to her healing stone collection ("she's into amazonite now… it makes all of your dreams come true"), and what my plans were for college next year ("I want to stay close to Renee, so I'll probably go to U-Dub"). I asked him more about Dartmouth. I found out about what his major would be ("neurology and physiology, pretty hard core"), where he was going to live ("freshman dorms…it's a rite of passage"), and when he'd be home to visit ("maybe not until Thanksgiving, hopefully sooner").

When I asked Edward what he would miss most about Forks, his answer blew me away.

We were still sitting on his bed, our backs against the wall and our knees pulled up to our chests. I rested my head on my crossed arms as they lay atop my kneecaps, my eyes staring intently at Edward's frame. Edward's arms were crossed like mine but his head was tilted back, his eyes to the ceiling as he collected his thoughts. It took him a while to answer. I waited patiently for his response.

"You know, when I first came here, I tried my damnedest not to like it here. I didn't want to _be_ here. I wanted to be back at home, in my room, on my bed, as if nothing had changed. But it did. My mom was gone. There was no one in Chicago to take care of me. So the Cullens brought me here… and I hated it. There is a part of me that still _does_ after all of these years."

His voice deepened as the emotions and memories came flooding back, the pain evident in his face. His Adam's apple bobbed as he took another breath before he spoke again.

"When I think about my time here in Forks, there are many things that I am more than willing to forget. The whole transition here, being 'the new kid' all of a sudden, trying to fit in with a crowd I didn't really belong in…. and casting aside the people who really cared about me."

I couldn't bear to listen as he recounted his early time in Forks. I rested my forehead on my hands and closed my eyes, willing myself _not_ to cry for him, _not _to cry for the boy who lost his childhood or the boy who tried way too hard to fit in. He was my friend then, more than the confessionals we had become to one another over time. He was still in pain. He still needed me and I deserted him. I missed my friend… and it looks like I missed my opportunity to help him.

Edward began again. "But…Bella?" I could feel the warmth of his touch as he tried to pull my left hand into his lap. I turned my body to face him, leaning my knees to the side. I rested my head against the wall, hard and cool to the touch.

"What you did back then meant a lot to me, you know..."

I turned to see him staring intently at me and I couldn't help but smile. "Well, you've been there for me, too, so I guess you returned the favor."

Edward smiled in return. "Yeah, I guess I have."

I grabbed one of Edward's bed pillows and pulled it onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around it and clutched it to my chest like a life preserver. I buried my forehead into the pillow's edge as I tried to think of something to say. After a while, I just blurted out the one thought that kept running through my mind.

"Imgonnamissyou..."

"What was that?" I felt Edward's hand on my knee as he leaned in closer to me. I took another deep breath and told him again, just a tad bit louder this time.

"Imgonnamissyou..."

"You're getting Moo Shu? I _love _Moo Shu Pork. Can I have some?"

_Always the jokester..._

I playfully shoved him away from me, watching as he fell on his side with a smile on his face. The pillow fell unceremoniously onto the floor. At that point, I didn't care. He was joking with me and I felt normal again. I laughed at his stupid joke. He laughed at my worthless shove.

"No, dumbass! I'm gonna miss you, okay?"

Edward sat up again and his eyes met mine. The laughter died in his throat but his beautiful smile remained. He grabbed my left hand and wrapped it in both of his. Looking down at our hands, I almost didn't hear his reply.

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Bells."

I didn't want to take my eyes off of our intertwined hands, but I chanced a glance in his direction. My eyes met his once again and I matched his beautiful smile with one of my own. Still feeling a little self-conscious, my gaze fell on our hands once again.

"How am I going to get on with my life without my moonstone around?" I asked.

"Guess you'll have to find a replacement."

I grabbed another pillow from his bed and threw it at him, aiming square for his chest. "You are such a jerk."

A sly smirk crossed his face. "I'm not denying it."

We shared a couple of laughs. I'm glad we lightened the mood.

Edward grew serious again. "Seriously, Bella... I'm not going anywhere. I mean, I _am_ going away but I am not leaving my moonstone behind." He released my hand and walked over to the carryon bag sitting on top of his desk chair. He rifled through its pockets for a few moments and then returned to his seat next to me. He extended his right palm to me and, nestled in his hand, was our moonstone.

"See, Bella? You'll always be with me."

His eyes met mine as his words sunk in.

_You'll always be with me._

I plucked the stone from his palm and rubbed it as I always did, nestling my thumb in its groove. I smiled at the familiar sensation. "It's funny, Edward. This small stone... it's so tiny... but powerful at the same time."

I admired the stone, thanking it for the strength it gave us when we had lost our own. I guess my mom was right about its power all along.

His gaze returned to the stone in my hand. He tried to remove it from my grasp but we played a gentle 'tug of war' before I let him have it back. He began rubbing the stone, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"So, if you take the worry stone with you, then what am I going to do when _I _need it?" I asked.

"Well, you _do _have a moonstone of your own, remember?" His eyes flickered to the moon and star pendant that sat in the hollow of my neck.

Edward reached for my pendant, leaning in to get a better look. I leaned forward to give him better access. His warm fingers grazed my neck as he cradled the pendant and its three healing stones in his open palm.

"'Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll land among the stars,'" he quoted wistfully.*

I looked down at the pendant and the strong hand that held it. "But it's _my _stone, not _our_ stone. It's not the same."

Edward's eyes locked with mine and I could not pull myself away.

"But it _can_ be. Shoot for_ this_ moon," nodding toward my pendant, "and think of me."

After a few beats, I burst into hysterical laughter. "Edward? That was one of the cheesiest things I have ever heard you say."

He joined in my laughter. "C'mon, Bells. You _know_ you liked it."

After we calmed down a bit, I took the pendant from his hand and held it in my fist, closing my eyes and reflecting on all of the times Edward helped me.

I could feel him leaning in closer, the head radiating off of his body in waves. I could smell his cologne and it was making me dizzy – not because he put on too much, mind you, but I was enveloped by his scent and it made me weak.

I felt his warm breath on my left ear and I almost stopped breathing.

"Is it working?" Edward spoke in barely a whisper.

I jolted slightly at his proximity and the gravelly sound of his voice. In true Bella fashion, our noses collided. We both squealed in pain and tried to laugh it off.

But when I opened my eyes, the laughter died in our throats. He was _too_ close and _too_ damn intoxicating to pull myself away.

_Something_ was working, alright, but I wasn't sure if it was the pendant or the boy who gave it meaning again.

I felt Edward's nose purposefully brush gently against mine, as if to soothe the pain away. I returned the gesture, rubbing my nose against his in an Eskimo's kiss. When I saw his eyes drift closed, I wondered if he was going to kiss me _for real_…

I didn't have to wonder for long.

He leaned in further and his lips gently brushed against mine. My eyes drifted closed at the unfamiliar sensation. Our noses continued to rub against each other gently as he leaned in again for another soft kiss. His left hand reached up to cradle my face, his thumb softly tracing the curve of my cheekbone. My lips parted and I let out the breath I had been holding. He took advantage of my open mouth and went straight for my top lip, licking and sucking on it as if his life depended on it.

At that point, I couldn't help but kiss him back.

After all of these years – all of our heartfelt talks, distance we put between ourselves as of late, and the intense feelings I have had for him - Edward Cullen was kissing _me..._ and it was even better than I had ever imagined it. His lips, smooth and wet, glided against mine effortlessly as if they were meant to kiss mine and mine alone. His delicate eyelashes brushed against my cheeks as he searched for a better angle. His hands – oh God, his hands – seemed to cradle my face and tangle in my hair all at once. Reluctant to be a passive participant, I threw myself wholeheartedly into his kiss and relished in the feeling of his lips against mine_._

Despite how wonderful he felt and how long I had wanted it to happen, I knew his kiss was meaningless. He didn't care about me in the same way I cared about him. Edward was leaving and the concept of 'us' was never meant to be. This was just his emotions getting the better of him – nothing more.

Reluctantly, I pushed him away and abruptly ended the kiss. His eyes shot open and I could see the confusion on his face, his swollen lips begging to resume our kiss. He was breathless; so was I. And, God, did I want to kiss him again…

He leaned in again and I put my hands to his chest again, stopping him from coming any closer. I lowered my head. I couldn't bear to see him like this.

"Bella, what is it?"

I took a deep breath and, when I finally built up my resolve, I looked him square in the eye and told him how I felt.

"Edward, you don't want this."

"What are you talking about? I _wanted _to kiss you. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to….and I still do." His hand reached for my cheek once again but I turned my body and pushed myself off the bed before he could make contact.

"Stop trying to kid yourself, Edward. You didn't kiss me because you had feelings for me. You kissed me because 'poor little Bella' was upset about you leaving so you wanted to give her something to remember you by."

I began walking towards the door. I heard the telltale squeak of the bedsprings as he stood. I was _not_ going to turn around and face him because I knew I would lose my resolve.

When he reached me, he grabbed my hand and pulled me around to face him. "And what's so wrong with that?"

_He's fucking clueless…._

"Everything," I told him, my voice starting to crack. "You have no idea, do you?"

"No idea about what, Bella?"

I shook my head in disbelief as the first tears started to fall. "I can't do this right now. Not like this."

I started to walk away again but Edward refused to release my hand. When I turned back to confront him, he began to pull me toward him and I knew he was going to kiss me in an attempt to make me stay.

Again, a meaningless kiss for him…but his kiss meant the world to me.

I was _not_ going to let him control me like that.

"Bella, stay," he pleaded breathlessly.

_Not now. Not tonight. Not when my heart was already broken. Not when he's leaving for good. Don't do this to me, Edward._

"Um…." I stammered. I was still in shock. "I have to go." I had to get out of here.

I could hear Edward yelling for me to wait as I shut the door behind me.

I found Alice downstairs and hugged her in apology. "Gotta get home. I'll explain later." Alice, perplexed, just nodded her head and followed my exiting form with her eyes.

I ran the whole way home, refusing to cry until I was safe behind my bedroom door. We were never together, so it shouldn't have hurt so much… but it did.

* * *

That was the last time I saw Edward Masen Cullen.

He left for Dartmouth and I never heard from him during his whole time there. At first, I was upset because I thought we were friends and friendship trumped any other issues we may have had. And then I remembered – he was in college, he had the moonstone and a whole new set of friends, and he didn't need me anymore. It took me a few months to accept that, but eventually I did and I moved on.

Five years later, he came home. And I felt absolutely nothing for him. I was over Edward Cullen. We were back to the way things were when we were kids. Passing acquaintances. Cordial 'hellos' and 'goodbyes'. Small talk. Completely superficial. Nothing serious… and that was okay by me. But there was something about him that still drew me to him. Even though I closed my heart off to him, my body still wanted him - and I _was_ going to have him.

But I refused to let him break my heart again.

I decided to make my way back to the living room, reclaiming my spot on the couch. I try to be as quiet as possible, but Alice must have heard me creeping in.

"Bella," she croons, "is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. Just had to use the bathroom."

"Okay…. G'night." I hear her yawn once but, after a few moments, I am greeted by the quiet night once more.

This situation is worse than I thought. Old feelings are starting to creep up on me and I cannot let that get in the way of what I want. I want his body and that is _all_.

_Time to take a deep breath, Isabella Swan, and get yourself together. _

_Know where you stand. _

_Put Edward in his place. _

_And, above all else, don't let him break your heart again. _

**

* * *

* 'Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll land among the stars.' - Les Brown**

**Don't beat me up too bad, kiddies... this is going to be an all-out smutfest for the next few chapters… **

**STAY TUNED! **


	5. Kitchen Confidential

**Ladies and gentlemen (if you're out there), THE SMUT HAS RETURNED! SluttyBella and SmutWard have officially come out to play (or, rather, they drugged AngelicBella and SaintWard and let **_**themselves**_** out to play…. and they make me write about it. Sucks to be me, huh… LOL) **

**This chapter is pivotal. There are a few new things that are introduced here. Of course, all will be explained in upcoming chapters. I would love to hear your thoughts and your speculations about what could be coming next. And, yes, there is a teaser in it for you….. so please read and review!**

**Thanks again to my Twilighted beta vjgm and all of the readers for your encouragement.**

**

* * *

EPOV**

The green numbers of my alarm clock taunt me again, accompanied by that incessant beeping that gets louder and louder the longer I neglect it.

_9:02 AM... FUCK!_

I finally get some sleep – sleep that has avoided me for _days,_ mind you – and what happens? My alarm goes off. I can't believe I didn't turn the fucker off last night. Guess I was a little distracted.

Maybe this early wake-up call is a godsend. Any other Saturday, I would gladly sleep in. Last night's activities warrant a few extra hours of shuteye. Unfortunately, I have an agenda today and I don't plan to renege on my promise to myself.

I need to talk to Bella. I need to tell her how I feel. I need to find out how _she_ feels. I can't continue in this 'relationship' without knowing where she stands.

I know where _I_ stand. I know what _I_ want. The question now is: What does _Bella_ truly want?

And today is the day for me to find out.

The sun is bright, streaming its light through the slatted blinds on my bedroom windows and across my bare torso.

I can still smell the flowers as their scent wafts through my window.

Birds are singing a happy tune from their perch on a nearby tree.

I hear Alice traipsing down the hall, happily humming the hook of some familiar pop song.

Even my cock is giving me the good ol' morning 'salute'.

Maybe today will be a good day.

Or maybe I am being overly optimistic because I _know_ today is going to turn out badly.

I'm starving, so I attempt to venture out of my room to grab a bite to eat. As I reach the stairs, I can hear the shower faucet turn and water pelting the varied surfaces within the showerhead's spray.

_A quiet breakfast to myself…. Nice!_

My growling stomach recenters my focus and I make my way down the stairs. I could hear music coming from the kitchen and the clang of pots and pans assaulted my ears. I thought I was about to eat alone but I was mistaken. I'm never up this early on weekends, so I wasn't expecting her when I came down here. Not sure whether this is a good surprise or a bad surprise, I continue to make my way toward the kitchen….

…and there she is.

Bella stood in the kitchen looking comfortable in her sleeping attire. She wore a tank top with thin straps and these boy shorts that hugged every curve of her hips and ass. I watch as she plucks random chopped fruit from a bowl sitting on the kitchen island. I could see the gentle sway of her hips as she wiped down the countertops to the beat of the music. Seemingly unobserved, Bella acted as if this was a normal routine for her.

She looked as if she belonged here. In our kitchen. Barely clad in a small top and skimpy shorts. Naturally beautiful. Unpretentiously sexy.

_Perfection._

I want to touch her.

I want to taste her.

All rational thought has flown out the window.

I had so much confidence last night. Now, I have no idea what to say to her.

_What did I need to tell her?_

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was standing less than 15 feet away from me and I wanted nothing more than to bend her over that counter and fuck her senseless.

Right now, her pussy is the center of my universe and I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

Even though this flame has burned me before, I am willing to take that risk.

I approach her deliberately yet slowly, hoping she doesn't hear my footsteps. Obviously I failed; I could hear Bella's faint chuckle as I get closer to her.

Bella grabs a dishtowel and begins to dry her hands. "Alice, I thought you were going upstairs to get ready.…"

Of course she wasn't expecting me down here. She usually comes to _me_, not the other way around.

"I'm not Alice."

Suddenly, she drops her dishtowel and whips her body around to face me, leaning back with her hands braced atop the counter behind her. The look of surprise on her face is priceless. I stop dead in my tracks.

"Edward? What are you doing down here?"

Her awkward question causes a smirk to escape my lips. "I live here. And I'm hungry. So I came down here to get something to eat."

Bella's eyes dart away from mine almost as quickly as she found them. "Well, Alice and I made some breakfast," she said as she motioned toward the plate of waffles and a bowl of cut fruit on the countertop. "You are more than welcome to make yourself a plate." She turns back to the sink, effectively ending our conversation.

_Not so fast, Bella Swan…._

"Well, _actually_," I counter, as I resume my steps, "I'm not in the mood for waffles this morning."

Bella turns the faucet back on and resumes her dishwashing. "I think I saw some milk and eggs in the fridge. It's _your_ house, Edward. Help yourself."

"I think I will."

I am standing right behind her now and all I want to do is touch her. So I do.

I trap Bella's body between my arms as I place my hands on either side of the sink. I pull my body closer to hers, burying my nose in the crook of her neck.

Bella quickly shrugs her shoulders and squirms in an attempt to push me away. "Edward, _what_ are you _doing_?"

"If I have to tell you, then I must be doing something wrong…" My lips leave a trail of soft kisses from her collarbone to her jaw. When my lips reach her ear, I nip gently and suck to soothe my love bite.

Bella jumps and hisses at me as she attempts to break free of her mini-prison. "No, Edward. Stop! Your sister is upstairs! She might walk in on us."

Her fight only encourages me to hold her tighter, to touch her even more.

"Alice is in the shower. She won't be back for a while."

I bring my hands to Bella's hips, pulling her ass back into my crotch and rubbing my cock against her cotton-clad cheeks. My dick instantly responds to the friction, causing me to grip her hips even tighter and grind on her ass more forcefully. Bella lets out a shaky breath and I can feel her knees buckling beneath her. Bending over slightly at the waist, she grabs onto the edge of the counter to maintain her balance. I arch my back over hers and allow my lips to hover near her right ear.

"Besides, we need to talk." My hand begins to sneak into her tight little boy shorts. Immediately I seek out her heat and she is embarrassingly wet for me. I can _hear_ how wet she is as I slip my finger in and out of her tight pussy.

"Talk?" Bella responds breathlessly. "We don't _talk, _Edward." Her hips buck into mine, nearly causing me to lose my _own _balance. I grip her hands on the counter's edge and push back, nudging my rock hard cock against her ass. Low grunts and whispered 'fuck's escape our lips. My body knows exactly what it needs…. even though my mind is telling me I need to nip this in the bud.

"Bella…," I plead with her, hoping she would sense my urgency to talk to her. But my body is _obviously_ sending a different message and, of course, my cock trumps common sense.

I am so distracted by my inner dilemma and Bella's luscious ass in my lap that I don't notice Bella removing her hands from the countertop until she is turning between my arms to face me. Her right hand slips under the waistband of my sweats and she begins to massage my balls in her hand.

"Edward," she snaps at me with lidded eyes and a hint of passion. "No talking. Just fuck me."

She didn't have to ask me twice. My dick was, literally and figuratively, in her hands.

I carefully extract Bella's hands from my pants and press my cock into her stomach. My hands snake their way up her arms to her shoulder and, eventually her neck. I suddenly brace her in my hands, arching it back to expose her graceful neck. As I place open-mouthed kisses on my way down to her collarbone, my hands navigate a clear path to where my lips are longing to go.

_No marks, Edward… _

Her delicate shoulders are begging to be exposed, so I grant their wish and pull down the thin straps of her camisole to set them free. I place a searing kiss on her left shoulder as my hands continue to pull the camisole straps down even further to expose her pert breasts. Aching for her tits like a hungry newborn, I greedily attempt to envelop her entire right breast in my mouth – then her left. Bella is writhing now, somewhat restricted by her camisole straps as they at her elbows. So, I decide to be fair and pull her straps down a little further, giving her enough wiggle room to pull her arms free… and I am so thankful I did. Her hands quickly make their way into my hair, pushing my head downward to her 'special place'.

My hands find her hips and the elastic of her shorts. I yank them down and fall to my knees, bringing her glistening pussy to eye level.

_I want to touch her._

"Fuck, Bella," I choke out roughly. "Your pussy is _so_ beautiful." I caress her mound with my right hand, raking my fingers through her pussy hair.

Bella raises her right leg, perching her knee on my left shoulder to expose her core. I lean in closer, savoring her musky scent and the wetness dripping from her cunt because of me. My lips are so close, my tongue eager to taste her.

_I want to taste her._

And, without giving her time to respond, my tongue snakes out eagerly to lick up every drop of cum seeping from her folds.

I feel Bella's knee give way as I attack her lips, licking her dry from bottom to top and swirling my tongue around her nub before making my way back down again. I hear her hands slap against the edge of the counter as she tries to remain standing.

I would give myself a pat on the back right now, but my hands reach for her hips to keep her steady.

_Always the gentleman…_

Bella is trying so hard to be quiet… but my rebellious streak wants me to make her lose control. I don't _give_ a fuck.

I focus my efforts on her clit, sucking gently just like she wants. Bella starts to squirm so I grasp her hips even tighter so it becomes more difficult for her to move.

"Edward… _fuck_….," she manages to whisper between haggard breaths.

I catch a quick breath before I speak the one word she does _not_ want to hear from me right now -

"Later."

_I am enjoying myself _way _too much here…._

After I while, I can tell that she did not mind my decision. Her hands have released the counter and are now tangled in my hair. She's not complaining anymore.

My fingers join in on the action, plunging deep inside her and massaging the tell-tale ridges that mark her g-spot. I raise my head from her pussy to catch a glimpse of her face, beautiful and glowing with a fine sheen of sweat. Eyes closed and mouth open wide, her head tilts up towards the heavens to sing a silent chorus of praise to the gods for my talented fingers and tongue. I bring the lips of my mouth to the lips of her pussy and she squeals in surprise at the double stimulation. Her fingers grip my hair tighter as she holds my head firmly in place. From below, I wrap my left arm around her right thigh to keep her from wriggling out of my grasp.

Her moans evolve into a continuous hum as I continue to attack her pussy. Her nub throbs against my tongue, growing pinker and larger with every swirling lick. I want to lick her pussy dry but making her cum is my first priority. Suck on her clit. Stroke her spot. Show her how much you enjoy it. Suck even harder.

The mewling sounds coming out of Bella's mouth are making me _so_ fucking hard. I _would_ stroke myself but my hands are otherwise occupied.

_Down, boy…_

_Focus on her._

I grunt to myself in affirmation. She is so fucking close and I know _exactly _what to do to bring her over the edge.

_Grab her leg tighter._

_Lick slower._

_Stroke faster._

_Suck harder._

Bella's body goes still and I hear a hitch in her breath. I have obviously struck a nerve.

I release her clit and blow gently across its surface, stoking her kindling into a raging fire. My fingers move franticly against her g-spot, waiting for the explosion that is to come.

_Make her cum hard._

Suddenly, I feel the first spasms of her orgasm roll through her body. She lets out the breath she had been holding but her hands continue to hold my face against her crotch. I greedily lap up her juices and moan my pleasure without fear of being caught.

Again, I don't _give_ a fuck.

After a few more licks, Bella forcefully pushes my head away and removes her thigh from its perch atop my shoulder. I fall unceremoniously on my ass as she turns her body toward the counter, using her arms to brace herself as she catches her breath.

"Edward," she whispers, "what the _hell _were you thinking?"

I grab her underwear for her and rise to my feet. "Well, I was _thinking_ that you didn't want to talk, so I found another way to use my lips." I let her boy shorts dangle from my index finger as I offer them to her. She takes them from me with a huff and a pout. Obviously she didn't appreciate my humor.

She whipped around and proceeded to put her underwear back on. "What the _fuck_ has gotten into you?" Her question dripped with venom.

"I pride myself in being thorough," I reply matter-of-factly with a smirk.

As she stood to adjust her top, I could see the snarkiness written all over her face.

"_Thorough_, Edward? You almost blew our cover."

Nervously, I rake my fingers through my hair and watch her as she stalks away from me. "Actually, Bella, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Bella abruptly turns to face me, still making an effort to keep her voice down. "_Now_ you want to talk, Edward? I thought our arrangement was perfectly clear. What do we need to talk about now?"

"Us. We need to talk about us."

Bella looks me square in the eye for the first time since I walked in the room. "There _is_ no 'us', remember?"

I approach her slowly, not wanting to scare her away. "But that's just it, Bella. There _is _an 'us'. Why are you trying to deny it?"

Bella's chin drops to her chest and a breathy chuckle causes her shoulders to shake slightly. Her careless attitude about the whole situation causes me to halt my steps. Bella starts walking toward me again with determination in her step.

"Look, Edward," she explains as she raises her eyes to mine. "I like you. You are a very nice guy and, _God_, the sex is amazing…." She stands before me once again, her eyes dark and cold, her jaw set in defiance. The molten fire in her eyes and the look of pure ecstasy on her face mere moments ago are gone. Her mask is back and firmly in place.

"But _this_," she whispers as she reaches for my semi-erect cock, "this is _all_ I want from you. This _'us' _that you speak of does not exist without _this._" Her hands have found their way around my cock and she begins to stroke it deliberately. My head falls back as my eyes roll to the back of my head.

_She feels _so_ fucking good. I can't wait to bury my cock inside her -_

"See, Edward?" Her hand stills, bringing me back to the present. I look down at her, awaiting her words. "Stop letting your dick control your heart. This is just sex and nothing more. If you can't handle it, then we can call the whole thing off," she sings to me as she resumes her stroking.

My eyes close in defeat.

"I didn't _think_ so," she states triumphantly.

A door slams upstairs. Bella and I jump far apart from one another as Alice makes her way down the steps. Bella seems to have recovered very well, turning back towards the sink to resume washing dishes. I, on the other hand, choose to open the refrigerator door in an attempt to hide my raging erection. The chill actually _helps_.

Alice struts into the kitchen. "Bella," she chimes, "shower's free. Wanna grab one before you go?"

I can't see the expression on Bella's face but I already know she's back to her former stoic self. "No, that's ok. I was just about to go, actually."

"Oh, ok. Well, I'm off to the boutique. I need to finish a couple of pieces today."

"Do you need me to try them on before you send them off to the photographer?"

"No, that's ok. Just be sure to arrive at the shoot by 9 on Monday so I can make any last-minute alterations. Hey, Edward!"

I raise my hand above the door and wave in the direction of my sister.

"No waffles today?" Alice knows how much I _love_ waffles.

Feeling somewhat recovered, I grab a carton of eggs and shut the refrigerator door. "Not in the mood for waffles today."

"Awwww, c'mon, Edward. Bella made them _especially_ for you," she smiled.

"Oh, really now?" I stare pointedly at Bella. She avoids my eyes.

_So that's how it's gonna be today?_

"I think I'll stick with my eggs, but thanks, Bella." In response, Bella mumbles something underneath her breath.

"Oh, well. Your loss," Alice sings as she snags one of the waffles and takes a bite on her way out of the door. "Bella, I'll see you at the movies tonight. Edward, coming with us?"

_Shit!_

I totally forgot about it. We were supposed to hook up with some mutual friends tonight – Bella included. Given what happened this morning, I'm not sure if I'm up to sitting in a theater for two hours with someone who doesn't want to have a serious relationship with me.

"Uh…. I'm not sure, Alice. I'll let you know."

"Alice?" Bella jumps in hurriedly. "Can I walk out with you?"

"Sure, but hurry up. I'm already running a little behind."

"Just need to put my jeans on… gimme a sec…" Bella pushes past me on her way out the kitchen, still refusing to meet my eyes.

Our conversation was not supposed to end this way. A fucked-up situation has become even more fucked up. How the fuck am I going to get out of this? How the fuck are _we _going to move beyond this?

I walk over to the stove, grabbing a pan on the way so I can scramble a couple of eggs.

Honestly, after all of the shit that happened this morning, I'm not really all that hungry anymore.

When I finally hear the front door slam closed, I stop my cooking 'charade' and grab the plate of waffles. They feel a little cold, so I warm them in the microwave for a few seconds.

I thought I could handle this shit on my own, but obviously I can't. If Bella won't talk to me about it, and Alice isn't supposed to know about it, then maybe I should find someone I could trust to get some advice.

I grab my cell phone and find a familiar phone number in my address book. Pressing 'send', I hear the phone ring and wait for one of my closest friends to pick up the line.

"Hey, Em…. Free for lunch?"

**

* * *

The plot thickens….. **

**What do you think Emmett will have to say about the situation? How could Bella walk away from Begward? And what's this talk about a movie? All hell is about to break loose…. And I'm just getting started! Whadya think? Please review! **


	6. The Many Sides of Edward Cullen

**Hello all –**

**GREAT RESPONSE to the last chapter. I guess y'all missed the smut, huh? LOL I suck at responding because I want to make sure I get these chapters out at quickly as possible, but I read every single one – good, bad, or indifferent – and this story would still be a one-shot if it wasn't for your support. I heart all of you.**

**This chapter is a short chapter for many reasons, but rest assured you will be rewarded over the next few weeks. Thanks as always to my Twilighted beta vjgm and to each and every one of you who reads this fic. You all rock!**

**No copyright infringement is intended. All things **_**Twilight**_** belong to Stephenie Meyer and I wake up every morning wishing I was as brilliant.**

**

* * *

BPOV**

Well… _fuck._

I wasn't expecting _that _shit.

What the fuck just happened in there?

And I'm not talking about the unexpected orgasm. _That_ was fucking phenomenal.

It was the 'talk' afterwards that has me shaken up right now.

"_Us. We need to talk about us."_

"_There is no 'us', remember?"_

"_But that's just it, Bella. There _is_ an 'us'. Why are you trying to deny it?"_

I was afraid that something like this would happen. But I thought we could be mature adults about the whole thing. _Sex, Edward. Just fuck me. Keep the other bullshit out of it._ And look what he did? He complicated things. _Again._

I remember when I first approached him. At the time, I wasn't thinking about what would happen after we had sex. I saw him, got all hot and bothered, and assaulted him.

Yeah, I am willing to admit that I practically molested him. He looked so damn fuckable that I couldn't help myself. He has no idea what was coming… or _who_ would be cumming if I had my way.

And, boy, did I have my way with him _that_ night…

I get chills just thinking about that first time – how I touched him, how _he _touched _me_. I had never experienced such unbridled passion and pleasure in my life. One time and I was hooked. I _had_ to have him again… and I did. I couldn't get enough of him. He made me feel so damn good; I didn't want that feeling to go away. And Edward was obviously enjoying himself as well. So I asked him if we could hook up on a regular basis – with a few stipulations, of course – and he agreed. It was a beneficial arrangement for the both of us. We have been doing this for a couple of months now and I have _never_ felt so sexually sated and satisfied.

I have always been privy to the many different facets of Edward Cullen. As children, I saw the vulnerable Edward – the boy who lost his mom to cancer and was suddenly whisked away to a foreign town where he didn't fit in. I became friends with the playful Edward – the guy who always had a snappy comeback or a good joke that would make me laugh for hours. Cheerleader Edward would encourage me to follow my dreams and face my fears despite my never-ending stockpile of excuses…. And, of course there was my moonstone Edward, who was always there to comfort me when I needed him.

The Edward I ran out on five years ago was a stranger to me. When I entered his room that night, he had me fooled. Things were going so well – we talked, we laughed, we even shared our moonstones with one another. As the night progressed, a different side of Edward emerged. The guy who kissed me that night was a coward – a complete fraud. _My _Edward never kept secrets from me. In fact, I was the one person he could _always_ confide in. _My _Edward never hid his feelings from me. He knew I could share in his pain and understand him like no other. _My _Edward would never patronize me. He never sugar-coated his words, always telling me the truth whether I liked it or not. _My _Edward would never desert me. He wouldn't have kissed me and disappeared for five years. The guy that kissed me that night did _all _of these things. That was _not _my Edward. _My _Edward wouldn't have broken my heart.

But Edward isn't a bashful child or a fickle teenager anymore. This _new_ Edward is _all_ man and full of pleasant surprises.

When we have sex, Edward is so confident. He is not afraid to take the lead, grabbing my limbs and contorting me in unimaginable positions. The shy ten-year-old who would cower away from strangers is _very _vocal in bed; he is not afraid to tell me how tight my mouth is around his cock or how close he is to losing his control. The husky, coarse timbre of his voice and that sexy growl of his bring me to my knees every time. Honestly, that man could read the fucking dictionary to me and I'd probably cum before he could say 'aardvark'.

In his room, in his bed, he is focused and centered on pleasuring me. Edward can read my mood and give my body exactly what it needs. When I need a good, hard fuck, he gives it to me. If I want it slow and deep, he is more than happy to oblige. If I am especially tense, he will work my pussy until I am putty in his hands. He knows _exactly_ what to do to get me off. And he's _always_ generous. Whenever and wherever, Edward is always ready for a good fuck. He won't cum unless he's made me cum _at least _twice. And he loves to eat pussy. Edward's cock is perfection but his _tongue…._just thinking about it makes my clit twitch and my panties wet. I have never had such an attentive lover.

_This_ is the Edward I want – the man who is sure of himself, the one who is not afraid to succumb to his primal urges, the one who will fuck me with wild abandon whenever I ask him and love every second of it. Not the sappy Edward who believes our relationship is more than just fuckhot meaningless sex. Not the fake Edward from five years ago who kissed me out of pity, not love.

I don't want to lose what we have right now… But, if this 'us' talk continues, I'm gonna have to cut him loose.

He's fucking up our arrangement because he feels guilty – not because of the great sex we have had recently, but because of that meaningless kiss five years ago. He wants to make it up to me because I exposed my feelings for him and he didn't feel the same way. _Now_ he wants to make amends. _Now_ he believes we could have a real relationship because it would be the 'right' thing to do. He's trying because he thinks that he should at least _attempt_ to legitimize what we have together for the sake of _my _feelings, not because he truly wants to fall in love with me_. _Again, pity – not love.

Honestly, I don't _want_ his pity. I don't _want_ his love. He had his chance back in high school and didn't take advantage of it. He couldn't have discovered _that night _that he cared about me; we didn't spend that much time together in high school. He had to have known _well before_ that night. Edward decided to tell me how he felt when he _knew_ he had nothing to lose.

Maybe he kissed me because he really _did _have feelings for me… or maybe he thought he could get a quick lay before he left. To this day, I am still unsure about how he really felt that night. Whatever his motivation – whether his feelings were legitimate or not – Edward decided to take action when _he_ was ready. He didn't tell me when he knew he supposedly had 'feelings' for me. He didn't ask me what _I _thought or how _I _felt until it was too late to act on it. He basically 'planted the seed' and ran like a coward. He kept us from having the relationship he _supposedly_ wanted.

Edward controlled our relationship back then, refusing to pursue me romantically for whatever reason and not acting on his 'feelings' until the night before he left. I refuse to let him control our relationship now. _I _hold the reins. _I_ dictate what we have and what we _are_…. And we are _not_ an 'us'.

"BELLA, GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS DOWN HERE!"

_Alice…._

"Coming," I scream as I finish buttoning up my fly. I run down the stairs to see Alice waiting impatiently at the front door.

"You _know_ I have a lot to do today. Haul you ass!" Alice is quite the intimidator when she needs to be.

As I make my way to her, I can feel his eyes on me. I refuse to look at him. I don't need his patronizing bullshit right now.

Who the _fuck _does he think he is anyway? He thinks he knows me. He thinks he knows how I feel. He doesn't _know _me! He doesn't know what _I _want! We screw around a few times and he thinks he can _read_ me? _Fuck. That._

I am out the door in a flash, not even taking the time to shut it behind me.

_I need to get as far away from him as possible…._

I feel a strong hand grab my arm and I whip around so fast that I wrench myself out of its grasp.

"Look, I told you –"

"You ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Are you alright?"

_Alice. Shit._

"Oh, um…. I'm alright, Alice. I know you're in a hurry and I didn't want to hold you up any longer." I resume my walk toward the curb.

I hear the click-clack of Alice's heels as she tries to meet my stride. "Riiiiiight. I _know_ you, Bella Swan, and things are not okay. What's going on? Why did you wail on me like that? I thought you were gonna deck me!" Alice grabs her left wrist in her right hand and begins to rub some of the sting away. Her face is contorted in a mix of pain, concern, and curiosity.

"I'm sorry about that. I've just had a rough morning."

"Did Edward say something to you in the kitchen earlier? That boy has _no_ filter sometimes…," she adds, shaking her head disapprovingly.

_I've noticed….._

"No, Alice. This has nothing to do with Edward."

"Then what is it?"

I stop at the curb and turn to face my friend as she makes her way to the driver's seat of her powder blue Prius. "Look, I know you gotta run. Can we meet up for dinner later? I think I will need a drink or two before we head out to the theater tonight."

"Sure. Beehive at 6?"

The Beehive is our favorite dinner spot. Great wine and desserts to die for. It's close to the theater, so we could hang out there until right before the movie starts. "Beehive it is. I'll see you then."

With a smile and a wave, I watch Alice as she pulls away from the curb.

The smile quickly disappears as a realization hits me.

_What the fuck am I gonna tell her tonight?_

**

* * *

The drama continues….**

**The next couple of chapters will be the much-anticipated 'first time' between our dynamic duo and 'the arrangement' that comes out of it. I am SUPER excited about these chapters and I know you will **_**not**_** be disappointed.**

**As always, I love your feedback - your kudos or complaints, your thoughts about the story, the characters, and your ideas for where we should go next. You are my lifeline. :) As always, read and review! See ya next time - same vamp time, same vamp channel! :) **

**-dye **


	7. Helping Hands

**Hello, folks –**

**I have an extra-long chapter for you. Here is the info you've all been waiting for. You'll get lots of answers here… but not all of them. The next few chapters will go into excruciating detail about Bella and Edward's "first time" and "the arrangement", but I have to give you context first. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight is Stephenie Meyer's baby. I'm just allowing Bella and Edward to play with each other for a little while… *cough, cough* Is that so wrong? Copyright infringement is not intended. **

**A big 'thank you' as always to my Twilighted beta, vjgm. Thanks to all of you for your reviews, comments, and thoughts about where we may be going next. Special shout-outs to all of you who have reviewed the story thus far. You are really keeping me on my toes! As always, I love your feedback. So, please read and review. Hope you enjoy! **

**

* * *

EPOV**

The warm spray from the showerhead felt great against my skin. My body, still hyper-sensitive from our kitchen exploits not so long ago, was begging for release. But instead of the typical cold shower, I decided to revel in the feeling and let the tension build within my body.

Wanting to stave my pleasure for as long as possible, I dipped my head into the strong spray and squeezed a healthy amount of Tea Tree Special shampoo into my palm. I worked up a gentle lather and massaged my scalp with the tips of my fingers. The smell of peppermint overwhelmed the small confines of my shower and I greedily inhaled the calming scent. I could feel the slight tingle in my scalp as the shampoo worked its magic, dreading the rinse that would soon follow. So I rinsed quickly and repeated heartily, savoring the scent and the tingling sensation once more.

After the final rinse, I felt recharged yet anxious; my cock was as hard as a rock and my body was begging even louder for release.

But I am a patient man. And delaying my gratification would make my orgasm that much sweeter.

So, my shower continued at an agonizingly slow pace. I grabbed my natural body sponge and squeezed a generous amount of body wash into its deep pores. Squeezing the sponge under the water, the bubbles appeared and disappeared under the gentle pressure and release. My eyes drifted closed as I the sponge slid along my neck and back, across my pecs and under each arm, switching hands to gain easier access across my body. The sponge grazed across my abs, which mimicked the growing tightness in my balls, and my hands were itching to alleviate the stress there.

But, again, I _am_ a patient man.

The bubbles decreasing with every pass across my skin, I opened my eyes and squeezed more soap into my sponge before continuing my torturous bath. My eyes drifted closed again as the sponge moved southward, quickly passing over my right hip bone to my right thigh, careful not to draw the sponge inward or upward…past my knee, down my shin, and around my foot before I switched to the left side of my body. I followed the circuit upward, again ignoring my inner thigh and the hardness between my legs. I grabbed the sponge in my left hand and rubbed my ass gently, making sure every inch of my body was clean before claiming my prize.

Once I felt sufficiently clean, the sponge fell unceremoniously to the shower floor. My hands, still a little soapy from the sponge, grabbed the bottle of body wash in anticipation of what was about to come… no pun intended.

I looked down at my cock, long and solid, as it arched toward my stomach in search of something warm in which to sheathe itself. Unfortunately, since its preferred home was unavailable at the moment, I graced it with the next best thing.

My right hand was warm and slippery with soap and bubbles. Not wanting to end things before they got started, I gently pressed my palm against the right side of my shaft. As my thumb grazed the top of my shaft, a guttural moan rocked the glass shower walls and my eyes refused to stay open. My fingers wrapped eagerly around my cock and the scene from mere moments ago began replaying in my mind….

_Bella's hand in my sweats, pumping my cock…._

_Suckling her breast while she tried not to moan at the immense pleasure she was receiving…._

_Kissing my way down her body, her ass writhing against the granite countertop…._

_Her boy shorts sliding down her toned legs as I exposed her gorgeous pussy…_

Just thinking about her pussy made my dick jump. I sped up slightly and began teetering on my feet.… I braced my hand high against the wall, hoping to remain standing as my dick began to twitch and my balls tightened…. Fuck, I needed release…

_Burying my nose in her pussy, inhaling her sweet scent…._

_Hitching her knee over my shoulder, restricting her movement and isolating my target…._

_Taking my first lick, having my first taste of her cum across my tongue…_

_Knowing her knee was buckling because of the pleasure I gave her…._

_The feel of her fingers as they wound through my hair and held my lips against her pussy…._

_Her body growing still as the first quakes of orgasm overtook her body…._

_My lips continuing to suck on her clit despite her protests, prolonging the overwhelming sensation…._

_My desperate need to plunge my cock deep inside her intensifying with every swivel of her hips…._

My right hand stroked my cock with confidence, eager to see the fruits of its labor. The warm stream of water continued to gently massage my neck, cascading over my shoulder blades to follow a path down the curve of my spine. My breathing became more erratic as my body prepared for release. The fingers of my free hand found the grooves between the ceramic tiles and attempted to grip them for support. I wasn't sure how much longer I would last but…

_Fuck_, I was _so_ close….

I slowed down and began to take my time, savoring every stroke and image that flashed behind my eyelids. I could feel Bella's presence in the shower stall with me, her breasts pressed tightly against my back. The droplets of water that caressed my back were Bella's fingers, sliding down my ribcage and settling on my hipbone. I concentrated on the feeling of my fingers – Bella's fingers – as they grabbed my cock and slid along its length. My eyelids slackened slightly as other unbidden thoughts came to mind.

_Bella falling to her knees, licking her lips in anticipation of my cock fucking her mouth…_

_Her mouth sucking me off eagerly, my hands buried in her beautiful hair…._

_Her lips nibbling on my hipbone as her fingers massaged my ass…._

_Her tongue tracing the tips of my nipples, her teeth nipping gently…._

_Bella wrapping her legs around my waist and guiding my cock in her wet, tight…_

_FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK…_

My jaw dropped and barely a sound escaped my parted lips as I came all over the rear wall of the shower stall. I couldn't control the erratic bucking of my hips as a seemingly endless stream of cum was pumped from my cock. My orgasm was so intense that my body shook uncontrollably for a moment and my knees buckled beneath me. My anxious respiration became even as the stars behind my eyelids began to dissipate; my hand slowed as I regained consciousness and noticed the sudden chill of the once-warm shower spray.

I knew I needed to meet Em soon, but I had to get that out of my system before I met up with him for lunch._ That _was definitely worth the extra fifteen minutes in the shower….

I turned off the shower and jumped out quickly, noting that I had ten minutes to get dressed and on the road to meet Em in the city. I am so glad Emmett lives in Seattle now; it's nice to have at least one friend from Forks nearby when I needed them. And I _definitely_ needed a friend today.

I made the quick drive to Blue Moon Burgers on West 34th Street in Fremont. I don't eat burgers all that often but Emmett _insisted_ that we ate at the Blue Moon today. He had a hankering for a Double Bypass Burger. Part of me thinks he'll get a _real _double bypass in a few years if he kept eating those things.

It took me a while to find parking on this typical Saturday morning in Fremont. After circling the block four times, I found someone jumping into their car about two blocks away and waited patiently for them to pull out of their spot. Car parked and ignition off, I realized that I had not fully addressed one very important issue -

_What the fuck was I gonna tell him?_

I needed to get my story straight before I began to spill my guts. Obviously, I couldn't tell him_ everything_ – just the main details about my situation. All Em really needed to know was that I was having great sex with a woman who didn't want a serious relationship with me and I'm conflicted about it.

But the 'woman' in question is Bella… and I promised her that I wouldn't tell a soul about our 'relationship'. Coupled with the fact that Emmett knows Bella _and_ Alice very well, I had to be particularly careful about what I told him. There's no need for Emmett to know any specifics; the 'who' or the 'where' is not important. I think I'll leave out most of the gory details and give Emmett a 'bare bones' retelling of my predicament – just enough so that he would understand exactly what was going on.

But where do I begin?

_

* * *

~ Four months earlier ~_

The more things changed, the more things stayed the same….

The houses in our neighborhood looked exactly the same as they did five years ago… but I didn't recognize any of the kids riding their bikes up and down the block.

Mr. Harris still delivered the mail every day except Saturdays… but Mrs. Kennedy, who always gave Alice and me peanut chews every Christmas, passed away earlier this year.

My favorite oak tree at the local park was still standing tall and proud… but a new jungle gym was the focal point of the local park now, attracting more kids than my favorite tree ever did.

The tinkling melody of Esme's wind chimes greeted my ears as I made my way up the front steps of my childhood home… but Esme and Carlisle moved to San Francisco last year when Carlisle purchased a private practice from an old college friend.

Our front door still stuck a little when I tried to push it open… but my beloved baby grand piano was out of tune due to lack of use.

"Welcome home, baby brother!" Alice, dressed in a 'Love Pink' sweatsuit and matching bejeweled tank top, came barging down the stairs.

"I don't know why you keep calling me your 'baby brother,' Allie. I _am_ fourteen months older than you."

"Well, I was here first. That's all that matters," she replied with a smirk and open arms.

I walked into her embrace and returned it with a smile of my own. "I missed you too, sis."

It felt good to be back… even if it _was _only for a short time.

"How's the packing coming along, Allie?"

"So far, so good. Mom and Dad took care of a lot of it before they left, so we just need to take care of our bedrooms and then we'll be good to go."

"OK. Em's bringing the truck around. I'll go upstairs and start bringing stuff down."

I began the familiar climb up the stairs, noting the dust-rimmed outlines that lined the wall on which our school pictures previously hung. Esme pulled the rug runner that covered the center of each step; my ears wer unaccustomed to the louder-than-usual squeaks that accompanied each of my steps. The flowers that typically adorned the side table atop the steps were gone, the table topped with a cardboard box labeled 'Alice' instead. As I finally reached the top of the stairs, I realized that there were so many little things that I took for granted while I was here. I didn't think it was possible before, but I was really going to miss this place.

I entered my bedroom for the first time in years. As I flipped the light switch and closed my door, I noticed that that my running cleats still hung from a hook on the back of my door. The clutter of papers and CDs that often littered my desk during my high school years was gone but my old desktop computer was still here. My old books were packed away long ago but the bookcase remained. Esme packed all of my high school trophies and placed the box atop the barren shelf. I grabbed my cleats and tossed them into the box as well. Alice took my rocking chair after I left for college; thankfully, she brought in the oversized black leather armchair from Carlisle's study to take the rocker's former spot. I tested it out to see if it was still as comfortable as it was when I was forbidden to sit in it…. Now that I could sit in it without being yelled at, the thrill is gone.

From my new throne, I spied one of my favorite childhood treasures – my electronic keyboard. Just seeing it brought a smile to my face. It has been such a long time. Unable to resist the urge, I walk over to my old familiar, power it up, and strike a few chords. Electronic keyboards never go out of tune but the sound doesn't compare to my baby grand.

I walked over to my bare mattress and lied on my back, staring at the ceiling fan as it circulates the stale air in the room. The whirling blades and the gentle _whoosh_ that accompanied their rotation lulled me into a contemplative state, causing me to reflect on my childhood here in Forks. I had many good _and_ bad memories here, some of which I tried to forget when I went off to Dartmouth. But as I laid there, surrounded by mementos from my youth, I felt like that lost, lonely kid again who lost everything he ever truly cared about.

I sat up slowly, using my left hand to brush away some wayward strands that block my line of sight. Sunlight streamed heartily through the blinds covering the window that sat above my bed. Enjoying the light and needing the fresh air, I knelt on the bed so I could raise the blinds and open the window. The blinds opened without a problem but, for some reason, the window wouldn't budge.

_The window is locked, dumb ass…._

_Even the best universities can't teach you common sense…. _

I released the latch and tried to open the window once again. The window glided open beautifully this time, but before I could resume my position on the bed, a familiar glimmer caught my eye. I grabbed the refractive object and the deeply buried memories from my last night in Forks came flooding back….

_My moonstone…._

_My Bella…._

I don't know what came over me that night. I had always wanted to touch her, to run my fingers through her honeyed locks, to feel her warm, supple lips against mine. She was _right here_ on _this_ bed, sitting _so_ close and radiating a sweet heat that I just couldn't resist.

I kissed her… and, for a few short moments, everything seemed to fall into place. I became greedy, throwing all of my pent-up feelings into that one kiss and worshipping her lips as if I would never kiss them again. I was not sure what shocked me more – the realization that I was actually _kissing _Bella Swan or the fact that she was _kissing me back_! I know I caught her off-guard but, after the initial shock, Bella returned the kiss as fervently as I gave it. Her lips were my lifeline and I refused to let them go. I wanted to consume her, tangling both of my hands in her hair to maintain our connection and pulling her even closer in an attempt to meld her body to mine. The sweetness of her breath made me dizzy; the lushness of her lips made me weak.

One kiss was all it took to brand her mark on my heart…. But my bliss ended before it truly began. She pushed me away suddenly and I was awestruck by her actions. She said my kiss was meaningless. She said that I didn't want her. And then she left me dumbfounded and alone on this very bed.

I tried to follow Bella out the door but Alice snagged me quickly when I finally made my way back downstairs.

When the music died down and the well-wishers disappeared, I went back to my room to see if she had returned without me noticing her. Of course, the room was empty.

I thought she would return the next day to see me off. She never did.

I left Forks believing that Bella was offended by my actions and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I didn't deserve her friendship, and I _surely _didn't deserve anything _beyond _that. The moonstone that linked us for so many years would serve as a constant reminder of the relationship I sullied because of my spur-of-the-moment actions. So I left our special moonstone on this window sill and started my new journey alone, far away from Forks and the woman I always wanted but could never have.

I went off to Hanover and focused on my studies, completing my undergraduate degree in Biology with high honors. I was admitted to Dartmouth's M.D. program but, for some strange reason, my heart wasn't in it anymore. I always thought I was going to be a doctor. After watching my mother die of breast cancer and hearing about the lives Carlisle saved over the years, I thought I knew my purpose in life. But, after botching up the dissection of my first cadaver, I realized that medicine could be good _or_ bad, doctors could heal _and_ hurt … and I wasn't confident enough to hold the fate of someone's life in my hands. I would be doing myself and my patients a disservice if I wasn't confident in my abilities as a physician. I wouldn't want an unsure doctor operating on _me_ or _my_ family, and I hope other medical student prospects take that into consideration before they take the Hippocratic oath.

So I came back home, a home that I didn't want when it was so graciously given to me. Back to my old room, full of memories shared with a girl in pigtails with the pretty smile.

I may have left but she was never forgotten.

Now that Alice and I had to leave Forks for good, I am not sure how willing I am to leave any of my memories behind.

Without another moment's hesitation, I grabbed our stone and tucked it in my pocket.

Suddenly, I heard a loud 'thud' and a high-pitched squeal just outside my door. I quickly rose to my feet and made my way toward the door; obviously Alice needs my help. I grabbed the door handle and turned it quickly, throwing the door open with a start.

"Allie, are you –"

_Fuck. Me._

The sight that greeted my eyes was unexpected but not unwelcome.

"Edward?"

The little girl in pigtails was _not_ a little girl anymore.

Long, toned legs encased in grey skin-tight leggings, one shoulder peeking out from the cut-out collar of an oversized UW sweatshirt, the delicate skin of her neck exposed as her hair is swept into a high ponytail, random tendrils framing her flushed face, doe-like eyes boring into mine….

"Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna help me up?"

_Shit! Get it together, Cullen…._

"Oh, I'm sorry….," I stammered and extended my hand to help her. "Are you okay?"

She hesitated briefly, staring at my open palm, then grabbed it gingerly as she steadied herself on her feet. She released my hand quickly and began to dust herself off. The box long forgotten, my eyes were focused on her and her alone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Good thing there weren't any fragile items in there," she replied, chuckling at her own joke.

_She's as beautiful as ever…._

"Welcome home, Edward," she said timidly.

"Thanks, Bella."

An uncomfortable silence settled between us. It had been so long since I had seen her, let alone _talked _to her. And we didn't end things on the best of terms…

_It's always good to start off with a compliment…_

"You look great," I told her with the utmost sincerity.

A strange look crossed Bella's face as she gave me the once-over. "Thanks, um….so do you…. Yeah…."

_She's just as uncomfortable as I am._

More silence.

_Damn, this is hard._

Bella broke the silence this time. "How was Dartmouth?"

_It sucked. Wish you were there. I was such a jerk. Can we be friends again? _

"I got through."

_Smooth, Cullen. _Real _smooth…._

I gestured toward her shirt. "How was U-Dub?"

"I got through," she replied with a smile.

_Touché…_

Again, silence. It was almost as if we were complete strangers.

"Maybe we should, um…." Bella hitched her thumb toward the bruised box and its scattered contents.

"Oh, yeah. Right…." We both scurried over to the mess and placed the items back in the box. Once filled, Bella attempted to pick up the box again but I quickly took it out of her hands. She scrunched her nose at my chivalrous act but I didn't care. Actually, the nose-crinkling thing was kinda cute. I couldn't help chuckling a little.

I walked over to the top of the stairs and noticed the box sitting on top of the side table. I turned back to Bella and shouted to grab her attention. "Grab the box on the table, Bells. It's much smaller."

Bella looked at the pithy box and blew a huff of air before grabbing the smaller box. "Whatever, _Eddie…._"

_She knows_ _I only let Alice get away with that Eddie bullshit…._

"Yeah, well, bells are for cats and altar boys. My _name_ is _Bella_..." she replied with a slight snark in her voice.

I stopped mid-staircase.

_I must have said that out loud._

I turned to face her, anger clearly written all over her face. I graciously conceded. "Well, I stand corrected…. _Bella_."

Her face softened a bit as I heard the tell-tale squeak of the front door. I turned to see Alice walking into the foyer.

Alice made her way into the living room, standing at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips. "Need any more boxes, Eddie?"

"No, thanks, _Allie_. I think I have enough." Bella and I made it down the remaining steps, resting our boxes near the front door. "Allie, would you and _Bella_ mind taking these boxes out to the truck?"

Bella's eyes narrowed and Alice stared at us curiously.

"Uh, o-_kay..," _Alice said warily_. _"C'mon, Bells…"

As Alice opened the front door and stepped outside, I cast a glance in Bella's direction, clearly amused by Alice using Bella's familiar nickname. Bella raised a palm and rolled her eyes, as if to stop the smartass comment dancing on the tip of my tongue.

"Don't even _start_ with me, _Eddie…"_

I shrugged my shoulders, feigning innocence, but I couldn't keep my smirk at bay.

"What? I like pussy…"

That earned me a death glare.

"_Cats_, Bella….. Pussy cats." I was wearing a shit-eating grin now….

_I just couldn't resist…._

"Fuck. You."

"Maybe later…."

Another eye roll and Bella resumed her trek toward the moving truck.

_Well, _that_ went well…._

As the door closed, I ran a quick hand through my hair and wondered how much _additional_ damage I had done to our friendship with that off-the-cuff remark.

Emmett's big head peeked in from the front door. "Looks like the girls have the boxes under control. Ready for some heavy lifting, Masen?"

"Let's roll, McCarty."

There's nothing like manual labor when you need to clear your head. We moved Alice's and my furniture to the moving truck in quick order: the beds went first, followed by Alice's wardrobe, my computer desk, Carlisle's chair, and boxes upon boxes of Alice's garbage.

"Damn, Alice… are you bringing the whole _house_ with us to Seattle?"

"No, Edward. Only the things that matter."

I peeked inside one of the smaller boxes. "Old magazines? Really?"

"C'mon, Eddie. What's old is new again. I have to stay on top of the latest fashion trends if I want to build a successful clothing line."

"Whatever, Allie. Just leave some closet room for me, okay?"

"Don't worry, Eddie. I have already cleared out some space for you."

The move to Seattle was going to be _very_ interesting. Alice and I hadn'y lived together since we were kids. She had been living in Seattle for two years now, serving as an apprentice for a designer in Fremont. Now, with the help of a little seed money from Esme and Carlisle, Alice was developing her own clothing line – _Cullen Couture._ The Cullens are footing the bill for a bayside townhome in Queen Anne and, since Alice has tons of space and I have no clue what I want to do with my life, I decided to come back west and crash at her place for a while.

I hope I don't come to regret my decision.

Speaking of regretful decisions….

Bella was sitting on the front steps next to the cooler filled with beer and bottled water. She sat with her knees apart, resting her forearms on her knees with a bottled water in her hands. She was playing with the paper wrapper on the bottle, picking at the corner where the edges met.

_Don't fuck this up, Cullen…._

I walked over to the cooler, grabbed a beer, and took a seat next to her. She didn't even acknowledge my presence.

"Thanks for helping us out today," I told her as I pried the bottle cap off of my beer.

Bella's eyes remained trained on her bottle.

"Alice is my friend. I always come through for my friends."

_Ouch…._

"Look, Bella –"

"Edward, don't worry about it," she said with a hint of resignation in her voice. "It's all water under the bridge, alright?" Bella turned her head in my direction and her sights were finally set on me. She offered her hand in reconciliation. "Truce?"

I gladly accepted her gesture and shook her hand in friendship. "Truce."

Bella gave me a timid smile and returned her gaze to her bottle.

_Well, I guess some things never change…._

"Hey, Bella…. Alice, Em, and I are heading over to the diner for a quick bite before we hit the road. Wanna join us?"

Her smile fell as she turned toward me. "Can't. I'm meeting Renee and Phil for dinner tonight and…," she says as she checks her phone, "…it looks like I need to head back to the house to get ready."

_Shit… I'm not waiting another five years before I see her again…._

Bella rose to her feet and dusted off the back of her thighs in the process. As distracting as this sight might have been, I couldn't afford to let the moment pass.

_Think fast…._

I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward me, flashing a tentative smile. "Maybe you can stop by the house the next time you're in Seattle… we could grab a bite to eat, catch a movie maybe?"

Bella mimicked my trademark smirk, her eyes equally roguish. "We'll see, Edward."

My hand slipped from hers as she began to walk toward Alice. My chin fell to my chest in a pitiful attempt to hide the shit-eating grin that had spread across my face.

"Oh, and Edward?"

My head popped up to catch her parting message. "Yes, Bella?"

"I'm glad you like pussy."

My jaw dropped at her admission. _Huh?_

"_Cats_, Edward…. Pussy cats," she added with a smile.

_She got me good…._

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Fuck you, Swan."

"Maybe later… _Cullen_."

And, with a wink, she was gone. Bella said her goodbyes to Allie and Em, then made the familiar trek down the block.

As I watched her walk away, there were three things of which I was certain:

First, the Bella Swan I used to know – my moonstone, my friend – was all grown up now.

Second, the older, sexier Bella Swan was much more dangerous… and I think I _like_ it.

And, third, if I'm not careful, I could fall _hard_ – even harder than before.

But I was more than willing to take the risk.

_

* * *

Present Day_

Blue Moon Burgers on a Saturday afternoon – not too crowded because we missed the lunch rush but not really quiet enough to have a serious conversation either.

As I spy my friend sitting at a table near the rear of the restaurant reading a _USA Weekend_, I begin to have second thoughts about telling Em about what is going on.

Maybe I don't _need_ to have this conversation _anyway_.

Maybe I can handle Bella all by myself.

_It's not too late to run out of here. He probably hasn't even noticed I've arrived yet._

As soon as the thought enters my mind, Emmett's head pops up and shouts from the back of the restaurant in true Emmett fashion, "Haul your ass, Masen! You're late and I'm hungry!"

_Well, there goes _that_ plan…._

Resigned to my fate, I walk over to my friend's table and grab the seat opposite him.

_Let's get this show on the road…._

**

* * *

****INSERT EVIL CLIFFHANGER MUSIC HERE******

**Yes, I know…. Bad Dye, bad Dye….. *smacks herself on the wrist***

**Whadya think? "Fuck yeah!" or "What the fuck?" Let me know! :)**

**ADDITIONAL END NOTES:**

**Tea Tree Special shampoo by Paul Mitchell is freakin' awesome! It's great in the wintertime. It makes your scalp all tingly. My boyfriend loves the stuff. Strong enough for a man, I guess… and I think the tea tree scent fits Edward, n'est ce pas?**

**Fremont and Queen Anne are real neighborhoods in Seattle but I am using poetic license and online resources as bases for my writing. Blue Moon Burgers does exist but, since I haven't eaten there, I cannot endorse the food. **

**BTW, I am posting pics of the Queen Anne house that I am using as my inspiration for Alice and Edward's place in Seattle on my profile at www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net (slash) ~dyenessa. I will also post links to the resources I am using for this particular story. I had to change web servers, but I will let you know when the new website is up and running.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	8. Planting the Seed

**Alllllllllllrighty then….**

**Author's note is short tonight. Welcome to all of my new readers – I hope you're enjoying the ride thus far. Thanks to all of my faithful readers and reviewers – the next three chapters are especially for you.**

**As always, thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm and Stephenie Meyer who brought these characters to life. **

**Please review – I love to hear your feedback! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**BPOV**

_Warm lips brush against a surprisingly sensitive neck._

_Needy fingers wrap around perfectly toned biceps._

_Calloused hands hesitantly pull on my slender waist._

_Eager fingers tangle in his glorious honey-bronze hair._

_His strong back becomes flush against his bedroom door._

_My small frame presses into his as it craves his heat._

_Roaming hands grab onto my ass and squeeze with little restraint._

_I raise myself on tiptoe to nip on his ear._

_Inquisitive eyes seek the answer to an unspoken question - _

'_Do you want me to stop?'_

_The question was simply a formality, for it was obvious…_

_Chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis,_

_Our want had spiraled out of control…_

_And we were powerless to stop it._

* * *

The drive from Alice's place to my tiny apartment was uneventful. My iPod, which is usually blasting Nirvana or Stevie Nicks, remained silent during my entire drive. I needed the quiet time to clear my head, to figure things out for myself. I didn't need _him_ telling me how I felt or what I should do about it. I am so sick of his condescending, 'know-it-all' bullshit. He lost that power over me many, many years ago.

Or so I thought….

He planted the fucking seed… that's how all of this shit started in the first place.

Edward Cullen was my past, a past I missed but was more than happy to forget. I knew him inside & out, and I thought he knew me. Of course I was mistaken; if he really 'knew' me, he wouldn't have hurt me like he did. I let my memories and my youthful infatuation with him fade away over time. Life was good without Edward Cullen to muck things up.

And then he came home….

When Alice first told me that Edward was moving in with her, I didn't know what to think. I spent his first year away trying to forget him; it was much easier once I moved to Seattle to start my undergrad degree in Art at UW. After spending my freshman year as an indie loner, I decided to break out of my shell a bit. I made a friend or two in my art classes, which was nice. I started dating – very casually, nothing serious. I thought about Edward occasionally – what he was up to, how Dartmouth was treating him, and whether he took at least _one second_ out of his day to think about me.

He never called.

He never wrote.

He never visited.

So I let him go.

Over the past four years, I poured my heart and soul into my work, laying myself bare on every canvas I touched. That was how I dealt with loss before him… and that was how I dealt with _his_ loss.

I'll admit it: I missed him. I missed him _a lot_, actually, but I couldn't rile up the courage to contact him. I still felt embarrassed about what happened between us and, if our friendship was truly over – if he really didn't want anything to do with me anymore - then I didn't want him to drive that final stake through my heart. I would probably crumble into a million pieces before the words could escape his lips.

I _could_ have asked Alice about him; I only knew what Alice volunteered offhandedly during our Girls' Nights or her occasional visits to campus. Of course, she had no idea what had happened between us when we were kids and, to this day, I still don't feel comfortable sharing that with her. Instead, I concocted my own version of Edward's college life at Dartmouth. He was beautiful inside and out; he probably didn't have any trouble meeting and hooking up with whomever he chose. His grades were impeccable and he could have his choice of medical schools anywhere in the country. He had matured into a confident man, able to stand on his own two feet without the love and support of one of his closest childhood friends.

Over the years, I convinced myself that I was okay with that.

Here we were, five years after he left Forks – I have just started my first year in the Master of Arts program at UW, moved into my own place in Fremont, and my world has been turned on its ear. Edward Cullen was back and my assumptions about his Dartmouth years were pretty 'off the mark'.

From what Alice told me, Edward was trying to figure out his place in the world. He finished his degree but he doubted himself and his ability to be the doctor he thought he could be. Edward was still that lost, vulnerable boy that I knew back in Forks. I loved _that_ Edward… and the prospect of his return frightened me.

But when I saw him again for the first time… I was literally and figuratively knocked on my ass.

He definitely grew into his rugged good looks. His jaw line was more prominent, his hair even more untamed than I remembered. And his nervousness around me reminded me of the Edward I used to know.

When he held his hand out to me, I knew that I had a choice. I could either remain the lovesick girl I was when he went off to Dartmouth… or grow a pair and move on, never letting him see me how much he hurt me. He was clearly uncomfortable around me and I decided to cut him a little slack. He seemed repentant enough…. Maybe he was ready to apologize and this 'new and improved Edward Cullen' was worth my friendship again. So I grabbed his hand, he helped me onto my feet, and we joked around as if that kiss never happened.

But it _did _happen… and, since he came back, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I _tried _not to think about it. I tried to 'forgive and forget' for the sake of our friendship, but every time I saw him, every time he _talked_ to me, I thought back to that night and the way his lips felt against mine… the gentle caress of his hand as he wove it into my hair and held my face to his… the confidence of his tongue as it explored my mouth… and I _knew_ that any attempts we would make to salvage our friendship were doomed from the start.

I couldn't be his friend… not when I wanted to kiss him so badly.

But I couldn't give in to my desire. I had to stay in control. I would not let him hurt me again. I refused to let my hormones get the best of me.

From that moment on, I tried to steer as clear of Edward Cullen as I could. I kept our contacts cordial, suppressing my urges to engage him in conversation or take him up on his offer for dinner and a movie. He must have sensed my unease in his presence because he eventually got the hint and kept his distance when I came to visit his sister. At times, I felt guilty. I felt like I was deserting him the same way he deserted _me_ all those years ago…. but I knew it was for the best.

Then, the unexpected happened….

* * *

It had been a couple of months since Edward moved into Alice's place in Queen Anne. Alice and I had one of our usual "Girls' Nights" at her place and, after having a few too many glasses of wine that night, I unceremoniously passed out on the living room couch. I woke up around 11:00 Saturday morning with a killer headache and a major kink in my neck from spending the night on Alice's uncomfortable couch.

_I need caffeine…._

I headed into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and grab a couple Advil. Alice only buys the designer stuff; no Folgers for her. The coffee grounds and filters were right where I expected them, so I set up the percolator and anxiously awaited my morning fix.

As the sounds and aromas of brewing commenced, I heard Edward's heavy footfalls as he descended the stairs. He didn't say at word to me; he just walked to the kitchen and proceeded to grab some breakfast. Cabinets banged, drawers opened and closed, cereal was poured, and he greedily began his meal. I refused to look in his direction, trying to ignore the fact that he was less than ten feet away from me wearing a white wifebeater and a pair of flannel pajama pants, which accentuated the definition of his pecs and the lean musculature of his ass ….

_I am fucking hopeless…._

As if things couldn't get worse, I could feel the heat of his gaze from across the room. I turned to look in his direction and, sure enough, there he was – perched at the breakfast bar unashamedly staring right back at me. Once he caught my attention, he smirked at me and gave me a slight wave.

_This is fucking insane…._

Fuck the coffee; I had to get out of this room. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I pushed myself away from the kitchen counter and attempted to walk past him without incident -

"Bella, wait…."

_Damn it…_

"Can we talk for a minute?"

With a frustrated sigh, I stopped dead in my tracks. "About what, Edward?"

I could hear his footsteps as he slowly approached me from behind. "Bella…. Why are you avoiding me?"

I planted my hands on the cold stone countertop, bracing myself for what was to come. "I'm not avoiding you, Edward…"

"Oh, really? So you just _happen _to leave the room whenever I walk in? You barely acknowledge me when I say hello? You get obviously uncomfortable when I am in your personal space…. like right now…."

"I'm _not_ uncomfortable," I countered.

"Then don't move." I could feel the heat emanating from his body as he trapped me between his hard form and the frigid countertop, his intoxicating scent weakening my resolve. He leaned forward, placing his arms on either side of my body and resting his hands atop mine as they clutched the counter. My eyes drifted closed at his touch.

"You're shaking," he observed, concerned surprise evident in his voice.

"Stop thinking so highly of yourself, _Cullen_," I retorted, my quivering voice betraying my words.

"But you _are…" _Edward's open hands began to caress my knuckles, attempting to relieve the tension of my grasp. His delicate fingers extended and rooted atop the counter, effectively trapping my hands within his tented palms. Then, he attempted to lace his fingers with mine. At first, I held firm, refusing to give in to his gentle request but, after a few seconds of his cautious touch, I relented, giving in to my desire to patch the rift between us. His ten large fingers fell into the gaps between my ten small ones and curved around the pads of my knuckles. In turn, I closed my fingers around his, tightening his grasp.

My head bowed in defeat.

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding, finally relaxing in his arms.

"You have no reason to fear me, Bella," he whispered.

I began to shake my head slightly. "That's not it…."

"Then what is it?"

I couldn't tell him how I felt. Honestly, I was having problems figuring it out for myself…

I opened my eyes and saw our interlocked fingers, resting comfortably atop the dark marble counter.

_He held my hand that night, too… and then he left me…_

He sensed my hesitation. "Bella, don't make me guess…."

_What do I tell him? That he literally broke my heart when he left for college? That I have been fantasizing about his kiss for five fucking years? That I am still upset over his words right before he left? That I couldn't be his friend because… _

"It's complicated, Edward."

He sighed in frustration and pushed himself away from the counter, wrenching his fingers from mine. I missed his heat instantly.

I heard Edward's footsteps as he left the room. I remained rooted in my spot at the counter, my hands reclaiming their hold on the counter's edge. My eyes became lost in the intricate marbling of the countertop. It was random… organic… the colors contrasting sharply with one another… but, all in all, they looked beautiful together.

Edward interrupted my reverie. He spoke softly, tiredly. "You… and me…. There's so much tension between us, Bella. This is ridiculous."

I tried to remain as calm as I could. "I know. I don't like it either."

He walked toward me, closing the gap between us. "What happened to us, Bella? It was never this difficult for us... to spend time with one another. To be in the same _room_ with one another."

I finally gathered up enough courage to face him. "You _know_ what happened, Edward," I countered in an accusatory tone. Edward never wavered in his approach.

He calmly responded to my retort. "But that was five years ago, Bella."

My frustration kicked up a notch. "You were _way_ out of line –"

"But you wanted it just as much as I did."

By that point, we were almost nose-to-nose and equally annoyed. Bringing our staring match to a close, I shook my head disapprovingly and walked to the other side of the room. I brought one hand to my forehead and the other to my hip. Looking out the window, I prayed Edward would just leave the room and leave me be.

_He is fucking _killing _me here…_

Obviously, Edward wasn't going to let this go. "Look, regardless of what happened that night, there is obviously something going on between us now…"

Completely spent at this point, I let my arms fall exaggeratedly to my sides. I turned to him and raised my hands in a pleading gesture. "Edward, it's been a long time. We're just a little uncomfortable being around each other again. That's all."

My words obviously piqued his interest, his raised eyebrow denoting his skepticism. "Uncomfortable? Maybe… but there's definitely more going on than you care to admit."

_Cocky motherfucker…._

Hands on my hips and my stance solid, I challenged his assertion._ "_Oh really?"

Edward resumed his predatory stalk toward me. "Yes, really."

My chin jutted out in defiance, daring him to push his luck. "Prove it."

Edward smirked at me with a renewed determination in his step. Sensing his approach, I back away from him. Unfortunately, I was too close to the wall to make much progress. His smirk grew even wider when he noticed I had nowhere to go but toward him. His steps were slow and calculated. He had me in his sights and I knew I was screwed.

_Oh God…_

Once he was arms-length away, he placed his hands on either side of my face, practically trapping me between his outstretched arms. As he rested his weight on the palms of his hands, I could feel his eyes as they locked on my mouth; my eyes followed the path of his tongue as it darted out from between his lips and moistened them to his liking. When his eyes finally met mine, I knew _exactly_ what he wanted.

"Kiss me."

His rich scent enveloped me and he gazed at me with such intensity that I was literally paralyzed. As his eyes zeroed in on his goal, Edward leaned in closer and I could feel his warm breath across my lips. My eyes drifted closed of their own volition and my tongue reflexively darted out to wet my parched lips. I felt Edward's nose rub mine in a gentle Eskimo kiss, just like he did the first time he kissed me, and common sense finally kicked in.

_Fucking tease…. He doesn't mean it. Don't give in…_

I quickly turned my head to escape his lips, resisting the urge to give in to his appealing request. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment I expected in his eyes, so I let my chin fall to my chest and attempted to calm my erratic breathing. He huffed in frustration and pushed himself away from the wall, his arms dropping to his sides. No longer trapped in the cage of his arms, I returned to my spot by the window. He didn't follow me this time.

"You're scared," he stated flatly. His voice was eerily calm, _too_ calm given the intensity of our exchange. I was grateful for the reprieve but slightly fearful of what was simmering beneath that calm exterior.

I refused to turn toward him, afraid of what I would see if I did. "Edward, there's nothing for me to be afraid of."

A hint of anger tinged his response. "Well, you're _obviously_ afraid of my kiss… afraid to face the fact that we are clearly attracted to one another."

"You got it all wrong," I replied, unsure if I was referring to his interpretation of what was going on or _my_ _own_….

"Then _help_ me understand, Bella," he pleaded. "Just a few moments ago, you _wanted_ to kiss me. I _saw_ it in your eyes."

"It was a natural biological reaction. We haven't seen each other in a long time and we miss the closeness we had as kids. We were so close and my body just reacted to our proximity."

Edward took one step closer to me, then another, as he chuckled skeptically. "Just a biological reaction, huh?"

"Yeah. Birds and bees and all that…"

"Humph. Maybe we should fuck like rabbits and get it out of our system…."

_What the fuck?_

I turned to face him, irritation clearly written all over my face. "Can we be serious for a fucking change?"

Edward raised his hands, palms up as if in surrender. "Bella, you said it yourself. It was purely a biological reaction. If we… you know…," he trailed off, raising his eyebrows and waving his hands between us suggestively.

"Have _sex_…," I added, doubtful and completely perplexed. I turned my back on him and walked over to the other side of the room. I couldn't believe the words actually came out of his mouth….

"Right. If we do it once, get it out of our system, maybe we can move past this… get back to the way things used to be."

I did what any sane woman would do when offered such a proposition – I shook my head and laughed.

"Ah…," I retorted as I turned to face him. "I see what this is all about. You just want to get in my pants. Old habits die hard, huh, Cullen?"

An unrecognizable expression crossed his features but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. "Bella, it's not like that…"

"Then, what _is_ it like, Edward?"

He wiped his face with an open hand and walked over to the fireplace. When he returned, his outstretched hand held a familiar object.

My jaw dropped in amazement. "Wow…. You still have this?"

"Yeah. I found it at the house while I was packing."

I reached for the iridescent stone and plucked it from his hand. While Edward and I may have changed over time, our moonstone never lost its luster.

I couldn't take my eyes off of the stone that brought us together. I rubbed the stone between my fingers and thought back to our childhood days. Life was so much simpler then. A wistful smile crossed my face. "We were so close, Edward. I miss that."

"We used to talk about anything and everything. Nothing was off limits between the two of us," he replied with a smile. "But ever since I moved to Seattle, our talks have been superficial at best. We try to avoid each other when you're here. I don't even know what to say to you sometimes. I miss our closeness. I miss our talks. I miss _you_, Bella."

I looked up at him, sincerity evident in his features.

"Now that I'm home again," he paused as he reached for my free hand, "Bella, I don't want to miss you anymore. I want my friend back. I _need_ my friend back."

Warning bells were going off in my head. This was _very _dangerous territory. Edward was trying to rationalize having sex for the sake of our _friendship_? Doesn't he see the potential danger in this? As tempting as his offer was, I had to be the sensible one this time.

"Edward, sex isn't going to solve anything between us. Yeah, I want my friend back, too, but don't you think this is a little…. e_xtreme_?"

"Bella, listen," he began. "This 'attraction' we have … we need to figure out if it's just 'biological', as you say, or something more. If we go through with this, we will know definitively where we stand. If this is all in my head, then I'll back off and we can go back to the way things were. If this is just our primal urges getting the best of us, we will… give in to these urges this one time and move on from there. No more awkwardness. No more tension."

My eyes dropped to our entwined hands as he began to rub the pad of his thumb along the back of my hand. I was so distracted by his touch that I almost missed his request.

"Bella," he whispered and my eyes suddenly locked with his. "Have sex with me."

I could not mistake the seductive tenor in his voice or the serious set to his features. His trademark smirk and playful eyes were replaced with a tensely set jaw and a piercing stare. I hadn't seen this side of Edward in a very long time – the passion in his voice, the sincerity in his touch, the determination in his eyes. It was at that moment that I realized -

"You're serious…."

Edward spoke again in a hushed tone, his eyes never leaving mine. "We need to tackle this head on. We can't keep running away from this," he said as he lightly tugged on my hand. I took a clumsy step toward him, completely entranced by his words. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his left hand tentatively toward my right cheek. My eyes drifted closed once again as I anticipated and eventually relished his gentle touch.

"Bella, I –"

An ear-piercing shrill interrupted our potentially dangerous moment. And, no, it _wasn't_ Alice.

My eyes flew open and we both jumped at the unexpected sound. It took me a second to recognize it but I knew that sound from anywhere. Edward's hand fell from my cheek as I reached into my pocket and pulled out the offending object. I quickly glanced at the display to see who was calling and returned my attention to the man standing in front of me, hoping he would understand.

Even though he knew our talk had to come to an end, I could tell by the fire in his eyes that our conversation was far from over…

He nodded in understanding and made his way toward the door reluctantly, disappointment written all over his face. But, before he disappeared behind the door frame, he turned to me and whispered three little words that shook me to the core:

"Think about it."

_

* * *

Think_ about it? I couldn't _stop_ thinking about it.

The nymphomaniac in me reared her ugly head and I couldn't seem to keep her at bay.

I thought Edward was attractive back in high school, but _now_… he was downright _addictive_.

Maybe it was the way his biceps flexed as he moved furniture out of his childhood home…

…. or the look of awe on his face when I told him that I wanted to see him in Seattle.

Maybe it was the tenor of his voice whenever he called my name….

…. or the confidence in his swagger whenever he approached me with that heart-stopping smirk of his.

Maybe it was the passion with which his body undulated as the music in his heart was set free by his graceful fingers as they danced across the keys of his baby grand….

…. or the reverence with which he graced the keys when he thought no one was looking.

I _wanted_ Edward Cullen. It had _nothing_ to do with love and _everything_ to do with pure, animalistic want.

I wanted him to shower that much attention on _me – _to look at _me_ with the same amount of passion, to hear _my_ name cross his lips like a prayer, to touch _me_ without abandon and worship my body as if it was his and his alone.

I _wanted_ Edward Cullen… and I wanted him to crave _me_ as much as I craved _him_.

I tried my damnedest to resist him but my defenses were already weak. As determined as I was to deny him, to deny _myself,_ what we _both _wanted, my body fought even harder to fulfill its need.

As far as my body was concerned, it wasn't a question of _if_ we would have sex but _when_…

It took eight years for Edward to kiss me…

Five years to find each other again…

Four weeks to build my resolve against this forbidden attraction…

And seven days for Edward to break it.

**

* * *

I wish Edward would break **_**me **_**but that is neither here nor there…. LOL**

**In the meantime, let me know what you think! Please review!**


	9. Whatever Happens

**Thanks again for all of your reviews – good, bad, and indifferent. I love the feedback! Thanks again to my ever-faithful reviewing crew. Also, thanks as always to my Twilighted beta vjgm and my boyfriend for giving me the inspiration to write some good old-fashioned smut (but, Rob darling, don't tell my fiancé…. He is not above pummeling a skinny white dude no matter how fuckhot said skinny white dude may be.)**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and no copyright infringement is intended. Please read and review.**

**Enjoy!**

**

* * *

EPOV**

_Present Day_

"Dude, you look like shit."

"Thanks, Em. Tell me what you _really_ think….."

He chuckled. Emmett was never one to hold back his tongue. That's what makes him such a great friend.

Em and I have been at Blue Moon Burgers for about 20 minutes now. When I came in, he put away Section D of the Weekend Edition of USA Today and took a quick sip of an almost-empty bottle of Mountain Dew. Thankfully, not many people were here today, so we were able to have a conversation without having to scream at one another. We shot the shit for a while but Emmett knew something was on my mind. Our waitress, Lola, came to the table to take our orders: a Double Bypass for Emmett as expected and the Black and Blue burger for myself. As soon as the waitress left the table, he went in for the kill.

"What's the deal, man?"

Now I am trying to get out of revealing my dilemma. Why did I think this was a good idea in the first place?

I grab my water glass and take a sip before I reply. "About what?"

"You _know_ what, Masen. You obviously need something."

Emmett McCarty and I go way back. He was one of the first guys I met when I moved to Forks. I introduced myself to him as Edward Masen and he's called me Masen ever since. As children, Esme playfully referred to us as 'M and M'…. thankfully, _that_ nickname died quickly.

Trying unsuccessfully to fend him off, I continue to play innocent. "No, Em. Everything's cool."

"Sure, dude." Emmett was not falling for my stalling tactics.

I shrug my shoulders in a questioning gesture, a hesitant chuckle escaping my lips. "What? A guy can't just call his best bud for lunch? I just wanted to see you, man."

Em points an accusatory finger in my direction. "That's some girl shit, Masen, and you know it."

"Girl shit, huh?"

"Yeah. Only girls get together just to 'see' each other," Em says, adding air quotes for emphasis. "Something big is going on. What's up?"

"Nothing's up, Em," I replied as I counted the ice cubes in my glass.

"_Right_. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. " Emmett rests his chin on his right palm, eyes squinting slightly, as if he's trying to read my mind. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, Masen…"

_Fuck…._

The waitress interrupts our conversation to drop off two plates of fries. Keep the food coming….

Em snatches a fry from his plate and pops it into his mouth while staring at me intently. "Is Alice finally getting on your nerves? Work getting to you?"

I reach for the ketchup, earning a mock hurt expression from Emmett. "Not at all, man. Alice and I are better than ever…. And I give five to six piano lessons a week."

"Then who is she?"

Damn him for reading me so well.

"It's not that serious. There's no need to talk about it."

Emmett grins with excitement. "Tell me about her…. Is she one of your students? Is she hot? Does she have any hot sisters?"

I laugh at his enthusiasm. "She's not one of my students, she's very hot, and is an only child."

"So what's the deal with this girl?"

With a resigned sigh, I put down the ketchup bottle and begin my tale.

"Well, I've known her for a long time now. We met… about five years ago."

"At school?"

I didn't want to correct him. "Yeah. At school."

"Did you two hook up at Dartmouth?"

I shook my head. "No. We didn't hang with the same crowd… but there was just something about her. I was always drawn to her. We had a couple of classes together, almost hooked up at a party a long time ago, but not much contact outside of that."

"And now she's here? In Seattle? How did you two find each other?"

_If you stay as truthful as possible, then it won't be as difficult to lie to Emmett's face…._

"Through a mutual friend."

"How long have you been seeing each other?"

"Off and on for about a couple of months."

Emmett looked slightly confused. "And you are _just _telling me about her? Why are you hiding her, man?"

Our waitress returns with our food. I know Emmett; even though the food is here, he's going to continue to press me until he gets the full story.

"Well, Em…. It's complicated."

Emmett was mid-chew, a couple of bites already taken out of his burger. "What's her story?"

I pick up my burger, ready to take a bite. "She's…. unavailable." I take a quick bite before he can ask me another question.

"Married? Crazy? Stalker-ish?"

"No."

"So what's the deal?"

"We reconnected in Seattle one night… one thing led to another… now we have an 'arrangement'." I take another bite of my burger.

"An arrangement," Emmett asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah. We scratch each other's itches, so to speak."

"Friends with benefits…."

"Yes."

"And you have a problem with this because…."

"I think I love her." Another bite.

Emmett was about to take another bite of his burger but my comment caught him off-guard. He stared at me dumbfounded. "Love? Really?" Placing his burger down on his plate, he shakes his head. "Shit, man. This is _really_ bad."

"She only wants the benefits… and none of the commitment."

"Again, your problem with this is…"

I sneer at him and he finally lets it go, raising his hands defensively. "Okay, Masen. I get it. _Big_ problem. So, who made the first move?"

I thought about it for a second. "I'm not really sure. We both just gravitated toward one another one night and the rest is history."

_

* * *

Two months earlier_

It had been a little over a week since I saw Bella last. We didn't exactly depart on the best of terms.

Actually, I think I may have ruined any chance of a relationship between us.

When I said that we should have sex to see how we felt about one another, I said it half-jokingly. Yes, I still had feelings for her but I would never disrespect her in that way. I wanted to do things the right way: dinner and a movie, a walk in the park, maybe a goodnight kiss…. Not a romp in the hay just for the hell of it. Bella deserved better and, hopefully, 'better' is me.

I could tell by the look on her face that day that she thought it was one of the most asinine things she had ever heard. Of course I wanted to be with her but I didn't think she would take me seriously. I _never_ thought she would take me up on the offer. Boy was I wrong.

I was in for the night, already tucked into bed. I heard a slight knock and the creak of the hinge as the door was opened slightly. A familiar form peeked in from the small opening. I'd recognize that form anywhere.

"Bella?"

She smiled shyly. "Hi."

I sat up at the familiar sight. "It's déjà vu all over again…"

"I couldn't sleep."

I remembered her nighttime visits so long ago. Whenever she had trouble sleeping, she would sneak down the hall to my room to pass the time. "Some things never change," I smiled.

Hesitantly, Bella stepped into my room, closing the door behind her. Once the doorknob clicked back into place, the room resumed its silence.

Since Bella approached me, there must have been something on her mind. She stood quietly by the door for a few moments before she spoke. "Can I ask you something? Off the record?"

"Shoot."

Bella took a deep breath and then asked her question in one unsure breath. "Did you mean it?"

Okay, maybe it _was_ late but I was very confused….

"What are you talking about?"

"Downstairs. The two of us. Having sex. Did you mean it?"

Oh. _That_….

Ever since I made that suggestion, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Of course I wanted to have sex with her… but I don't want to take advantage of her. It would mean more than that to me. I can't fully explain how I feel about her but she would not be a one-night stand by any means. I want to make sure she understood that.

_But…._

If she was inquiring about my sincerity, then she must have thought about it too. Maybe she wants more out of our relationship as well. Maybe we share the same feelings, but there is only one way to find out.

"Do you _want_ me to mean it?"

Bella hesitated. I could see the doubt in her eyes. "I don't know."

I rose to my feet and slowly make my way toward her. Bella stared at me intently, as if she were weighing both of her options right on the spot. I could see the wheels turning in her head.

"What are you thinking, Bella?"

She bowed her head, avoiding my eyes. "It's been five years, Edward."

"I know."

"You were gone."

Her words caught me off guard. I froze. "So were you -"

She cut off my words, a hint of anger in her voice. "But you never said goodbye."

I responded in kind. "You left me first –"

"But I'm here now," she answered, raising her eyes to mine.

A small smile tugged at my lips as my heart leapt at her words. "Yes, you are."

Bella's steps became more confident, her stride predatory.

"I want to touch you, Edward," she crooned as she floated toward me.

She reached out and placed both of her palms against my chest.

"Bella –"

"I want to _feel_ you, Edward. And I want _you_ to feel _me_." She closed the distance between us, chest to chest in the center of my sanctuary. When I felt her warm lips against my sternum, my body tensed with anticipation.

I cupped her face in my hands and held her gaze, her eyes wild with passion as they locked with mine.

"Are you sure about this? Is this what you want?"

"Yes," she whispered, never breaking eye contact.

I shook my head thoughtfully, fully aware that things would never be the same between us. "Whatever happens, Bella…"

"I know."

I rub the crests of her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs as I am awed by her understated beauty. I had no idea what I was missing until now – the moist lusciousness of her lips, the aroused flush on her cheeks, the wild-burning fire in her eyes….

Staring into their molten chocolate depths, I knew there was no turning back.

"It's just you and me, Bella," I whispered as I leaned in closer. "Never forget that."

She welcomed my gentle lips as I kissed her for the second time. This kiss was nothing like the awkward kiss we shared so long ago. As warm as caramel and just as sweet, her lips instantly responded to mine and they are divine. I tasted the sweetness of her lips and I became addicted. Her lips parted and I nudged my lower lip between them, languidly licking and sucking on her top lip. I pull away slowly but I need to taste her again. I tangled my hands in her hair and tilt her head back slightly to gain better access to her bottom lip, which is as soft and as sweet as its mate. She wrapped her arms around my waist, her fingers slowly crawling up my naked back. A soft sigh escaped her lips and I wanted to hear it again. We nipped at each other's lips, whispering nonsense to one another. I pulled back to look into her eyes, to see what she was thinking.

At that moment, I knew _exactly_ what I wanted.

I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to show her how much I need her in my life. Not just her body, but _her - all_ of her.

"Stay," I beseeched her.

She nodded in affirmation and I kissed her in response, my lips more confident in their touch. My tongue became urgent against hers. Her moans encouraged me as a pulled her back to my bed, my lips never leaving hers. I was short of breath but I didn't care. I needed her kiss more than I needed air. Her lips sustained me… and my lips wanted to show their gratitude by grazing every inch of her body.

"Touch me," she whispered breathlessly. "Please."

Pulling away gently, I sat on the edge of the bed. Mesmerized by the fire in her eyes, I tugged on her right hand and wrapped my right arm around her waist to pull her closer. Bella tangled her fingers in my hair and soothingly massaged my scalp as I leaned into her warm body. I brought my lips to her elegant neck, long and soft under my lips. Her scent was more concentrated there and it drove me mad with need. I was unabashedly in a state of utter decadence; her succulent lips, her heady scent, her willingness to offer her body to me unleashed the beast in me. My hand started to wander under her camisole to rub her back tenderly. I nipped her neck gently, unsure if I could be more aggressive.

"Don't stop…," she countered, shaking her head.

I have wanted to mark her as mine since we were kids and I finally had my chance. Cradling her head in my left palm, I eagerly attacked the flesh of her neck. I parted my lips and latched onto her skin, sucking heartily on her flesh. I felt a slight vibration of sound emanating from her vocal cords under my lips, the earthy moan escaping her lips music to my ears. I continued to suck greedily, my primal urges taking over. I kissed each love bite reverently before I found another patch of skin to attack. I found her collarbone and bit hungrily, licking soon after to soothe the sting. Wanting more, I roughly grabbed the straps of her camisole but restrained myself before I took things too far.

"Bella," I whispered as I nuzzled her neck, "I don't think I can stop."

"Then don't."

Before the words even left her mouth, I pulled the delicate straps down to expose her pert breasts.

Another feast…..

Drawn to her left breast, I parted my lips and sucked on her tit with the fervor of a newborn child. Bella climbed onto the bed and straddled my lap to lessen the gap between us. My left hand sought her right breast, grabbing roughly and pinching her aroused nipple between my knuckles. The second grab was much gentler; I cupped her breast and massaged it gingerly. It was a perfect fit within the palm of my hand; I didn't want to let it go. Never relinquishing my grasp, I brought her cupped breast to my lips and paid it equal attention with my tongue. Her moans grew louder but, as much as I loved the sound, I knew we were not alone in the house.

Her nipple popped out of my mouth as I pulled back to warn her. Bella gasped at the sensation. "Shh," I whispered to her breast, my warm breath on her wet nipple causing her to shiver in my arms. Her subsequent whimper went straight to my cock. "You taste _so_ fucking good." I returned my attention to her neglected breast, suckling and biting and swirling my tongue around her nipple until she couldn't take the pleasure-pain anymore.

Bella finally settled her ass on my lap and sensually rubbed her pelvis against mine, the sudden pressure distracting me from her gorgeous tits. She pulled my hair gently and forced me to look into her eyes. Fueled by lust and urgency, her hips grew more insistent in my lap. Her cunt was eagerly rubbing against my cock, which was eternally grateful for the attention. I could smell the sweet musk of her arousal in the air and something inside of me snapped. I was fucking _feral _for her. I literally wanted to consume her – all of her – and I didn't know where to start.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned in ecstasy.

My hands reached for the hem of her camisole and Bella lifted her arms to assist me as I removed the offending scrap of cloth from her body. Once her top was casually discarded to the bedroom floor, my lips zeroed in on her chin, placing an open-mouthed kiss there and sucking gently. I continued my journey eagerly, sucking my way up her jaw line to the delicate patch of skin beneath her ear. My fingernails greedily clawed at the delicate skin of her back, relishing the subtle curve of her waist as my hands made their way to the curve of her ass. Once I had a good hold of each cheek in my hands, I grabbed her roughly and increased the amount of friction between her cunt and my cock.

Bella must have enjoyed my touch because she chose that moment to attack my lips again, her lithe tongue returning to my mouth.

"Edward," she said between pants. "Touch me. _Please._"

I knew exactly what she meant. I couldn't wait any longer myself.

I grabbed Bella around her waist and rolled her onto the mattress, her long legs hanging off of the edge of the bed. I released her gently and rose to my feet, quickly removing my pajama pants to release my straining erection. My cock was hot and rigid in my hand as I stroked it lightly. It grew even harder as Bella released the drawstring on her cotton shorts and smoothed them over her hips and down her thighs. Bella eyed my cock appreciatively, licking her lips in anticipation of what was to come. The thought of her lips around my cock was very appealing but, as much as I would have loved for her to suck me off, I was desperate to bury my cock inside her.

But first things first…

I leaned over her lithe body, resting my weight on the heel of my left palm. I brought my right hand to the familiar pendant resting in the hollow at the base of her throat; the tiny moonstone on her necklace caught the slivers of moonlight that filtered through the window blinds. It brought us together as friends so many years ago and it brought us back together as lovers that night. I said a quick oath to Mother Moon, hoping she would grant my request:

_Bella was made for me as I was made for her. Please let me love her forever… and allow her to love me in return._

Bella's eyes were wild and black as she anticipated my next move. Never breaking eye contact, I traced a lone finger down her sternum between the valley of her breasts, the rise and fall of her chest quickening as my finger tip traveled even lower…. down the contour of her tight abs, across her tiny belly button to the soft tuft of hair above the apex of her thighs. My hand twitched anxiously as it inched closer to its ultimate destination.

My eyes silently asked permission to trail my fingers even lower. Bella nodded imperceptibly, silently granting me access to her sticky, wet heat.

Time seemed to stand still as my fingers neared their goal. Bella's eyes drifted closed and I watched her swallow a ragged breath when my fingers found her clit and the tell-tale wetness of her arousal. I could hear Bella's breathing hitch again when I pressed one, and then two, fingers against her sensitive nub. I increased my pressure and the soft moans escaping her lips made me even harder. Her eyelids were shut tightly, her mouth hung wide open, panting and writhing underneath me… Bella was beautiful… and so goddamned fuckable.

When my middle finger pressed past her lips to enter her sweet cunt, her eyes opened wide and locked with mine. I slowly inched my finger into her dark, wet heat, moving my thumb to her clit to rub enticingly. Her inner warmth was overwhelming, the tightness of her walls entrancing. My eyes rolled into the back of my head when my finger hit her cervix and her pussy squeezed my finger in response. I pulled back oh so slowly, pressing the pad of my finger against her upper wall as my finger retreated. Bella panted and moaned

"More, Edward, _please…._" she begged.

My index finger joined the party when I entered her for the second time. When I pulled back a second time, I decreased my pace. I wanted to take my time. I wanted to feel every single ridge and valley inside of those walls. When my fingers felt the ridges of Bella's g-spot, I lingered to pay it some special attention. Anchoring the pad of my thumb on her clit, I arched my still slick fingers so I could rub her secret spot. I pinched her sensitive buds against her pelvic bone – my thumb pressing against her clit, my two fingers pressing against her ribbed g-spot – and rubbed my fingers against both spots simultaneously. The increased pressure sent Bella reeling. Her body gave in to the overpowering sensations – her back arched off of the bed, eyes lidded, fingers gripping my sheets for dear life. She was so wet; her juices coated my hand as I touched her inside _and _out.

Bella's body began to respond to my touch. Her legs writhed, aching to release the tension building between her legs. Her body squirmed against my warmed black sheets. She tried to remain as quiet as she could but her lips betrayed her against her will, releasing a needy squeal into the silence that surrounded us.

Bella raised herself onto her elbows and fiercely met my gaze. "Need you… _now_...," she demanded, her voice dripping with lust. Her body squirmed as she tried to escape my touch. Grounding her elbows in the mattress, Bella pushed herself backward toward the headboard. Once her feet were firmly planted on the mattress, she spread her legs wide and gave me an unobstructed view of her wet pussy.

_My god…_

Aroused and engorged, her pussy was fucking beautiful. Her clit was calling out to me like a beacon, peeking out from between her folds, and her pussy lips had puckered up just for me. Her scent was mouth-watering; I needed to taste her _there…_ but my cock had a mind of its own. Bella had bared her soul to me a long time ago; now, she was baring her body to me. Her pussy was mine for the night and I was eager to please her. My dick twitched at the thought.

I had to have her. _Now._

I crawled onto the bed after her, unwilling to maintain the distance between us. I stalked toward her slowly, finally settling my cock between her legs.

I had to look at her one last time before our relationships changed forever.

Bella's neck was craned back, her eyes screwed shut as she panted for breath. Her hair fanned out around her like the halo she deserved; red blotches appeared on her neck and collarbones where I bit her mere moments ago.

_I _did this to her… and there was no turning back now.

"Bella," I whispered softly.

"Yes, Edward," she replied, lowering her eyes to lock with mine.

"Whatever happens…" My voice trailed off as I brushed a wayward strand of hair off of her forehead and cheek.

Bella lifted her right hand, cupping my left cheek. "No regrets," she whispered back. "It will be okay."

I released a shaky breath and held her gaze as I entered her slowly, prolonging the moment for as long as humanly possible. Inch by inch, I sank deeper into her; inch by inch, Bella enveloped me in her delicious warmth. Her eyes drifted closed once again as we both became lost in the new sensation. It feels so right, so fucking tight… I wanted to lose control with her but I didn't want to rush it. I wanted to savor every moment with her.

Her hands explored my back as I relished the friction on my cock, pressing forward until I could push no further. We couldn't help the moans that erupted when I finally reached her cervix.

"Fuck, you feel _so_ good, Bella."

"Don't stop," she panted.

I retreated just as slowly, earning another moan from Bella's lips. My second stroke was slightly faster that the first. It was excruciatingly difficult to control my impulse to pound into her as roughly as possible but, for Bella's sake, I maintained my slow and steady pace. On each inward stroke, I forced my cock in as far as it could go and ground my pelvis into her clit. As I pulled back, I reveled in the slight suction that resulted from Bella tightening her walls around me.

After a few long strokes, I was so high from being inside Bella Swan that I collapsed on top of her. Using my new position to my advantage, I hooked my elbows underneath her shoulder blades and tangled my hands in her sweet-smelling hair. I attacked her neck and her jaw bone once again, placing open-mouthed kisses wherever I could reach. I could feel Bella's nails as they dug into my back, the pleasure definitely worth the pain. Bella suddenly pulled me to her chest and began sucking on my earlobe. The sudden gesture caught me off guard but I made an effort to regain the upper hand. I shortened my stroke, rotating my hips slowly while grinding my pelvis into her clit. My new stroke seemed to be very effective; I heard a sigh of contentment escape her lips.

"More, Edward," she whispered in my ear. "Give me _more."_

She didn't have to ask me twice.

I untangled my arms and rose to my palms, grabbing fistfuls of sheets on either side of her head to brace her shoulders against my wrists. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist and crossed her ankles behind my back. As I resumed my stroke, the arc and angle of my hips widened, pulling out just a little bit more after each stroke. Once my stroke was so long that my tip was all that remained inside her, I plunged into her with increasing fervor – harder and faster – until her body recoiled from the force behind my cock.

Bella's moans became choppy and short, her words cut short as her body jerked from my maddening stroke. She was literally reduced to monosyllabic speech.

"Fuck… don't… stop… ugh…"

I didn't want to stop… I was fucking her so hard that my body felt numb – deliciously numb, euphoric in my nirvana. But when I felt Bella's walls begin to contract, I knew my numbness would not last much longer.

Bella's thighs squeezed my waist, her back arching off the bed to leave her shoulders pinned to the mattress….

And then she took a deep breath and went completely still.

I could feel her walls tightening around my dick, encouraging my orgasm along. Her legs quaked violently as they squeezed my waist. The quietest hiss pierced the silence surrounding us, emanating straight from her lips directly to my aching cock.

With one last stroke, I came hard and long. My body jerked uncontrollably as I came within her. I collapsed on top of her, completely spent and utterly satisfied. I rolled onto my back and laced my fingers behind my head; Bella followed, resting her head on my chest. Our ragged breathing was the only sound that floated to our ears but my mind reeled with the implications of what we just did. My childhood friend, my sister's _best_ friend… Even though I promised otherwise, our relationship will never be the same again.

This one night with her confirmed what I knew all along: I could never be her friend. Now that I have had a taste of what loving Bella was like, friendship would never be enough for me. But what about Bella? Does she feel the same way? How has this night changed her perception of me? What if tonight was truly meaningless for her?

_Edward… don't think… just feel. Enjoy her. Enjoy this moment…._

Deciding to remain in our bubble for just a few more moments, I brought one arm around her and pulled her even closer to me. She snuggled into my chest and I felt so proud holding her in my arms. I traced random patterns across her skin, along her shoulder and upper arm. It felt so right; I didn't want to let her go.

The gentle rise and fall of her chest lulled me into sleep.

It wasn't until morning that I realized I was alone, her lingering scent the only proof that we made love the night before.

And I prayed our first moment was not our last.

_

* * *

Present Day_

"She put the whammy on you, dude," Emmett laughed, shaking his head. He grabbed his burger, finishing it in two bites. "So, she left?"

"Yeah."

"And then she came back? Just for sex?"

"Short answer? Yes."

Emmett reached for a napkin and wiped his hands. "Damn, Masen. You get all the breaks."

I chuckled. "This is not as cool as it sounds, man."

"You wanna know what I think?"

I nodded my head slightly.

"For starters, don't believe that 'water under the bridge' bullshit. A woman never forgets. If you did something to hurt her when you were in college, that shit might bite you in the ass."

Hmmm. I never thought about that. Could this all be a game to her? Is she playing with my emotions? I've laid my cards on the table. Maybe this is payback for whatever I did to hurt her all those years ago.

Emmett leaned forward on the table, ensuring that he had my attention. "And with that whole 'arrangement' thing? Buck up, Masen. Be a man. If she doesn't want a relationship with you but the sex is fucking fantastic, then go with the flow. Stop being a pussy about this."

"But it's not that simple, Em." I could understand why he would think it was that simple; he had no clue what was _really _going on.

"You're young and you're single, so stop settling for someone who doesn't want you. If she doesn't want to be with you, then fuck her – or _fuck her _- and move on. There are other women out there who want to get to know you, whom _you_ should get to know _too… _why squander an opportunity with someone else because this chick over here doesn't know a good opportunity when she sees it?"

_Who knew Emmett could be a philosopher…._

Emmett pushed himself away from the table and stood proudly, dropping a twenty on the table. Clapping me on the shoulder, he took a couple of steps toward the main entrance. "You're a good catch, man. And I'm not saying that in a man-love kinda way but, if I were a girl, I'd fuck you."

I plucked his hand off of my shoulder, disdain written all over my face. "Dude, that's creepy. Don't ever say that shit to me again," I laughed.

"Well, I'm outta here. Wanna get a pickup game next weekend?"

"Sure, sounds good."

"Cool. I'll see you later."

I watched my friend exit the restaurant. I was more confused than ever. Does she have feelings for me and doesn't want to admit it? Or does she _not_ have feelings for me and is stringing me out of spite?

However silly he may be at times, Emmett was right. If she doesn't want to have a relationship with me, why am I trying to force it? A shallow relationship would be doomed from the start.

But she wants to continue the arrangement – sex with no strings attached. I enjoyed having sex with her but is that enough for me?

Honestly, I don't know if I could separate my love for her from my physical need for her. If I could accept a solely sexual relationship, knowing full well that nothing more will come of it, then Bella and I will both be happy… right? If I _can't_ accept a solely sexual relationship, then will our friendship come to an end? I don't want to lose her friendship… but I also don't want to give her the empty, meaningless sexual relationship she craves.

It's about time we had a serious talk about this – clothes on, gloves off. No pretenses, no bullshit. I am going to lay it all out there for her to see. She needs to know how I feel and I need the same from her. Sex is not enough for me anymore. I want more and, if she can't give it to me, then I need to walk away.

But until that time comes….

Until she is willing to talk to me and tell me how she _really _feels….

I'm cutting her off.

**

* * *

YAY! The 'infamous' first time… whadya think? :)**

**Next up, it's Bella's turn to dish – no pun intended. Dinner with Alice before the movie. I wonder what they are going to talk about… guess you'll have to wait until next time to find out. Drop me a line!**

**-dye**


	10. Seducing Edward Cullen

**Thank you all for your support and encouragement over the past few weeks. Trust me, I have been working **_**really**_** hard to get this out to you…. and it's a doozy. 9,000 words. Hope this makes up for lost time. **

**Thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm, as well as CullenDLite for all of her constructive criticism.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight; I just help Edward and Bella get their rocks off. **

**More notes at the end.**

**I hope you enjoy! As always, please read and review.**

* * *

**BPOV**

_~The morning after~_

My reflection stares back at me from the bathroom mirror, bright red blotches marking the pale creamy skin along my neck, shoulders, and breasts. I am not the same woman who approached his locked bedroom door last night. One night was all it took to change me, to turn me into someone I never thought I would be.

I never thought I would be the center of Edward Cullen's attention.

I never thought I would feel his kiss, so passionate and full of want.

I never thought I would let all of my inhibitions go with him.

I never thought I would become addicted to his touch.

My fingers graze each puckered mark, my mind reliving the exact moment each mark was made.

The mark behind my right ear – one of his first. I gave him permission to mark me…. And he threw himself wholeheartedly into his task.

His lips trailed from my ear to my jawline, under my chin and along my neck, blazing a trail along my left collarbone to leave a punctuating bite on my left shoulder.

And he didn't stop there.

When his mouth found my breasts… He sucked on the flesh of my mounds, teased my nipples with his teeth and lapped at his marks to soothe the pleasure-pain away. My nipples harden at the memory.

The amorphous patch of red at the pulse point on my neck was my favorite; it was one of the last marks he made. The weight of his body pressing me into the mattress, his heat scalding me where our bodies touched… His fingers tangled in my hair, tugging roughly to expose my neck… his tongue lapping at my skin right before his lips latched onto my chin and jaw and… _God_, the _sounds_ he made as his lips opened and closed along my neck, sucking so eagerly and moaning so appreciatively that I didn't care how forceful he was as long as he _never stopped_…

I can _still_ feel the sting of his bite as he came.

My eyes drift closed and my knees go weak just _thinking_ about his kiss. And I can't help thinking about how those lips would feel as they grazed _other_ parts of my body…

I would have been content succumbing to the torture of his beautiful mouth all night… but his cock was too tempting to ignore. Nonetheless, I have replayed every kiss of his lips, every nip of his teeth, and every lap of his tongue in my mind's eye.

_God,_ I have never felt so sexy, so_ beautiful_.

My skin still burns where he sucked and lapped at my sensitive skin, but the ferocity of his passion last night has made an indelible mark on my mind.

One night was all it took…

But it can never happen again.

* * *

_~ Present Day ~ Beehive Cafe ~_

A light shake accompanied by an angelic voice interrupted my daydream.

"Earth to Bells," the voice exclaimed.

_Huh?_

My eyes refocused to find a familiar figure with eerily perfect hair and an obsessive penchant for couture. It was her hand on my shoulder that shook me out of my stupor.

_Damn, that was a good daydream…_

The pixie snapped her fingers in my face to get my attention. I was _this close _to kicking her ass.

"Alice? You're late… as usual," I snapped back with an exasperated sigh, crossing my arms as I relaxed in an incredibly comfy armchair.

"When inspiration hits," she chimed. "What can I say? I've had a productive day today."

She's been working very hard at _Cullen Couture_, making sure everything is in order for next week's photo shoot. She practically eats, breathes, and _sleeps_ her new clothing line, _Tink_. Alice and the _Tink _line are truly ahead of their time. _Cullen Couture_ is gonna be big… and with Alice at the helm, you shouldn't expect anything less.

I was still pissed she was late, though.

"Productive enough to leave me hanging for…" - I reached for my phone on the table and lifted it just enough to see the time - "twenty-seven minutes, Alice? Really?"

"Oh, come on..." Alice shrugged off her coat and laid it over the back of the straight-back chair opposite mine. "Those twenty-seven minutes didn't keep you from partaking of the establishment's finest goods?" Her eyes darted to the near-empty wine glass sitting on the small round table between.

I smiled a wry smile, leaning forward to grab the wine glass and take that final sip. "That's not the point. The point _is_… you're late."

She plopped down in the chair opposite mine. "But I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're here, alright, but you're not _here_," I joked, tapping my noggin with my index finger.

"You still love me," she beamed.

I smiled back. "You've got a point."

Sometimes, you just gotta love Alice. She's a couture freak who would show up "fashionably late" to her own funeral… but she's a good friend and can give you a good laugh when you need one… like right now…

"So, what does a girl have to do to get a waiter in this place?" She frantically waved her hand in the air, as if one of the fine pierced gentlemen at the bar would cater to her every culinary whim.

I laughed her. "Allie, you _know_ there aren't any waiters here."

"It's been a while. Things could have changed," Alice mused. She looked around the coffeehouse, twisting her body around in her high-backed chair. "Wow, Bells. It's a madhouse in here tonight."

I checked out the scene for myself. "I wouldn't expect anything less at the Beehive on a Saturday night."

Alice pushed herself away from the table, wiping invisible lint from her posh lap. "I'll head up to the bar and grab a glass. You want something?"

"Sure. Surprise me."

Alice rose to her feet and gave me a wink. "I always do." She turned toward the bar and, suddenly, her tiny figure was lost in the crowd.

The Beehive Coffeehouse was literally a-buzz with activity – no pun intended.

Home of the best desserts in Fremont hands-down, the Beehive was a frequent hangout of mine during my undergrad at U-Dub. Newcomers and freshmen tend to pass this place up; it's not very friendly-looking at all. The dark-grey stone that covers the interior and exterior of the building, as well as the muted candelabra bulbs and stoic fireplace that light the archaic chandeliers in the main sitting area, give the place a dungeon-like feel. A stone-stepped spiral staircase led to a loft seating area where people played D & D during the week or listened to indie bands on the weekends. There was even a 'Rapunzel'-esque tower in one corner high atop the main sitting area with a black-curtained window for more… 'intimate' meetings.

Doesn't sound very 'beehive'-y at all, right?

I won't lie; I was kinda creeped out the first time I came here. But then I discovered the Oreo cheesecake, the kick-ass wine selection, and the quaint indie movie theater in the back…. and I fell in love.

Most of the people that hang out at the Beehive were either indie or goth, which was cool by me; it just meant that people will pretty much leave you alone if you keep to yourself.

I remember the first time I brought Alice here. It was like pulling teeth to get her through the front door.

'Bella,' she cried, 'this place is gross. It's dark in here, none of the chairs match…. They don't even have a coat check.'

After one bite of the crème brulee cheesecake paired with a glass of Inniskillin Riesling, Alice forgot all about checking her coat.

Tonight, I was able to snatch up my favorite chair – a burnt-orange recliner that had _definitely_ seen better days. It doesn't recline anymore but its inviting cushions draw me in every time. Its placement right next to the fireplace doesn't hurt, either.

It was so comfortable that I could have fallen asleep here… and I _have_. While I was in undergrad, this was one of my favorite studying spots. During the week, study in my comfy chair; on the weekends, enjoy a drink or two with friends… when I was 'of age', of course.

I am so glad I chose this place. I definitely needed a few glasses of wine before we headed to the show.

A group of us are meeting up at the Landmark to catch a movie tonight. I invited Lee, one of my art school peers; Alice invited Jazz, her new photographer friend. We invited Emmett but I'm not sure if he'll join us tonight.

And then there's Edward.

After what happened this morning, I don't think I can tolerate sitting near him for two whole hours without either molesting him or strangling him.

There's a part of me that hopes he doesn't come out with us tonight. I don't need his emo drama ruining a good time.

Then again… a little piece of me yearns to see him again.

I wish we had time to finish what he started this morning.

_Edward's cock nudging against my bottom…._

_His lips hungrily attacking my neck…_

_My legs open wide as he worships my pussy with his tongue…_

Damn….

It had only been a few hours since he last touched me but he tends to have that effect on me. He is so… _addictive_. It should be a crime to be _that _good at eating pussy. I am always ready for a round of _Cullen_lingus.

I would have enjoyed a good fuck on his kitchen counter this morning… but fear of discovery by a certain 'you-know-who' quickly killed the mood.

Alice had a knack for interrupting things. This morning, it was _coitus interruptus_ at the kitchen sink_. _This evening, she disrupted my naughty daydream about her brother. It's like she has cock-blocking 'radar' or something.

I need to get Alice laid… _fast_.

The sooner she gets laid, the sooner I can get hammered.

And I don't mean _'by alcohol'_.

Unfortunately, my 'hammer' of choice wants to talk about our 'phantom' feelings for one another.

Good friends? Without a doubt.

Intense physical attraction? Yes.

Great sex? Definitely.

Why he wants to ruin it with all this "mushy love talk" is beyond me.

One would think that a man would be happy to have pussy on demand without the 'fine print' – must cuddle afterwards, wake up beside her in the morning, tell her she's beautiful, never call her fat, et cetera, et cetera….

Not _this_ man, obviously…

When I made the decision to have sex with him for the first time, I didn't think about 'the morning after'. We were just two friends… having sex with one another… to debunk Edward's 'theory' that the tension between us was more than sexual. Since Edward knew where I stood, I simply saw it as an opportunity to get laid – pure and simple.

Ironically, the next time I saw him just happened to be _another _opportunity for me to get laid. _Twice._

I was horny as fuck and my hands just weren't doing it for me anymore. So sue me.

Now, I don't even have to ask. I crawl to his bed, we have back-breaking sex, and then we go on as if nothing happened. A very nice arrangement, don't you think?

We have had very few encounters outside of his bedroom, and _none _outside of the house.

_I wonder if he would be opposed to getting his dick sucked in a crowded movie theater…._

"Bella," Alice snapped sternly. Five fingers are waved in front of my face.

Edward _and_ his sister were dancing on my last nerve.

I spied the glass of white wine Alice sat before me. "That was fast." I took a quick sip. Chardonnay. Yum.

"Uh, what's _up_ with you today?" She looked at me curiously.

I played with the rim of my glass, avoiding Alice's eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"You were jumpy this morning, you snapped at me when I walked in here tonight, and you zoned out on me just now," she accused. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," I assured her, taking another sip of wine.

_Wow… the wine glasses here are really cool. I wonder where they found them…_

Alice crossed her arms before me. "Don't lie to me, Bella Swan," she chided.

_Unfortunately, my friend, I don't think I have a choice…._

I met her eyes and I knew she wasn't going to let it go.

Setting my glass down on the table, I took a deep breath and braced myself for the inquisition.

"Alright. I'll tell you what's going on."

Alice slapped her palms face down on the table, leaning toward me accusingly. "Are you pregnant?"

"Hell no!" I picked up my wine glass, waved it in her direction, and gulped the rest of it down for her benefit.

"Is school okay?"

"As okay as grad school could be," I replied, running my finger along the glass's edge.

"Has Renee gone off the deep end yet?"

"No. She's fine."

"Then what is it?"

Avoiding the inevitable would be an exercise in futility, I suppose…

"There's this guy…"

"A guy, Bella? Have you been holding out on me?" She smiled as she picked up her glass of red and relaxed in her chair.

"No, Allie. It's not that serious."

"Well, he's serious enough to disrupt your normal brain function…."

I scowled at my friend. "Do you want to hear it or not?"

"I'm listening," she said, batting her eyelashes innocently.

My eyes refocused on the licks of fire that reflected off of Alice's wine glass. "Well, this _guy_ and I," I started, choosing my words very deliberately. "We've been… hooking up for a while."

"You _slut_!" Alice gasped from across the table.

I stared her down once again.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I won't interrupt again," she conceded. She looked apologetic, so I continued. I lowered my eyes to Alice's glass once again and took a little time to organize my thoughts before I spoke again.

"Truthfully, Alice, I met him a few years ago… through a mutual friend. We were casual acquaintances, you could say. Back then, I thought he was attractive but … he was unavailable, so nothing ever happened between us. But… I saw him a couple of months ago… at a bar. We talked for hours and… he seemed different, more mature. He invited me back to his place, one thing led to another, and we… _you know_," I told her, knowing she understood my implication.

I took a chance and met her eyes once again. Alice's eyes were opened wide in shock but she didn't say a peep.

"I expected it to be a one-time thing… I wasn't expecting a relationship on anything… but the sex? It was _so _fucking intense. That night, I felt such a strong connection with him – physically and emotionally. We really didn't know much about each other before, but when he…. _God, _Alice…. He touched me so _deeply_, so _profoundly_… as if he had known me my entire life…"

_If Alice only knew…_

Edward _was_ more than a one-night stand to me. He was my friend, my moonstone… and our actions that night really complicated things.

When I had sex with him that night, I didn't think about the consequences. As much as I was concerned about our friendship, it wasn't a factor when I approached his bedroom door in the middle of the night. It had nothing to do with our past; I didn't have sex with him out of spite. I just couldn't stand another moment in that house without knowing what it was like to fuck Edward Cullen. He was just too damn _fine_ to let slip through my fingers.

And, besides, he _offered_.

Did I take advantage of the feelings he _might _have had for me? Maybe, but I didn't care. I just wanted to fuck…. and fuck we did.

And it was incredible.

"Even though it's been a couple of months since it happened, I still get chills just thinking about it. He played my body like a finely-tuned piano..."

_He's had _lots _of practice…_

I took another deep breath before I spoke again. "I snuck out of his place in the middle of the night. I didn't get his number, and I didn't volunteer mine. I didn't think I'd ever run into him again… but, _God,_ did I want to…," I remembered, shaking my head at the memory.

I was so overcome with fuck-awe that I couldn't bear to stay with him that night. He looked so content after we had sex that I felt a _tiny_ bit guilty. Yes, the sex was incredible but I didn't want to get his hopes up. I didn't want to lead him on… so I left his inviting bed and his warm embrace.

"I tried to forget about him, to forget about that night we had… but I couldn't…"

Memories of his touch continued to invade my thoughts. When I lay awake in bed at night, I could almost _feel_ Edward's fingers ghost across my skin. His scent, when he held me in his arms, was so strong – so _him _– that it made my head spin. His lips can do such amazing things to my body; I still get weak just thinking about how he made me feel that first time.

It was those thoughts that brought me to his Queen Anne home on a cold and rainy Thursday night.

"He felt _so_ fucking good. He made _me _feel _so_ fucking good... and I would have done almost _anything_ to feel that way again…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice lean forward on her elbows. I knew I had her undivided attention.

_I wish I had another glass of wine right about now…._

But I kept talking.

"So, I went back a couple of weeks later, hoping to see him again. He was there… and I just couldn't help myself…."

_

* * *

~ Six weeks earlier ~_

I rang the doorbell, praying no one was home.

I couldn't believe I was standing outside Edward and Alice's front door in the pouring rain, soaked from head to toe, waiting to see if I could catch him alone so we could… _talk_.

It had been twelve days since Edward and I shared our bodies with each other. I had not seen Edward since that night; Alice, the morning after. I was supposed to meet up with her the following weekend but I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to run into _him_.

Not because I was afraid of him….

Honestly, I was _more_ afraid of _myself_ and how I might react when I see him again.

There was a very high likelihood that I would jump his bones on sight regardless of who was in the room with us.

Horny people tend to do irrational things, and I was one _very_ horny bitch.

When the door finally opened and our eyes met, I realized my fears were well-founded.

Edward greeted me in a pair of dark-wash jeans that left little to the imagination, a long-sleeved blood red dress shirt unbuttoned from neck to navel, and a form-fitting ribbed wifebeater that accentuated his chiseled torso. He casually ran his fingers through his hair, pushing back the strands that invariably fell across his forehead. His eyelids were heavy and his movements lethargic, as if he was awoken from a really good nap. His tongue darted out from between his lips to moisten them before he spoke.

Well… _fuck._

Talking be damned. I knew what I wanted. The question was…. would he give it to me?

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

_Besides ogling your ass…_

"Uh… can I come in?"

"Sure," he said, opening the door wider and stepping backward to allow me entrance.

The house was dark, with the exception of the two overhead lights that hung over the breakfast bar. I could hear music coming from upstairs but no other sounds.

_He must be alone._

I proceeded to remove my hood and unbutton my soaked pearl raincoat. The coat was successful in keeping my zinfandel-shaded wrap sweater dry; my legs, not so much. My skinny black stretch jeans were slightly damp above my black patent calf-high boots and my hair was a little wet but I didn't care. I tugged on its cuffs so I could pull my arms out of its sleeves. I could feel Edward's eyes on me as he shut the door and threw its locks. Once my coat was off, I met his stare with one of my own. Edward's outstretched hand was ready and waiting to accept my wet coat. Hesitantly, I offered it to him.

As I stepped out of my rain boots, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him as he walked toward the closet. The muscles of his upper back flexed as he walked, an air of confidence evident in his swagger. His hair was unruly as always but I had an irresistible urge to make it even messier. The mole at the nape of his neck, clearly visible underneath his shirt collar, begged to be licked and it took all of my strength _not_ to do so. I could still make out the curves of his ass under the flannel shirt that he wore. He even gave me a sneak peak of his tight ass as he reached for a hanger and hung my coat up to dry.

My body moved on its own volition, closing the distance between us.

"Is Alice here?" I asked nonchalantly as I deposited my damp boots by the front door.

"No, she's at the shop," he started as he closed the closet door. "I don't know when she'll be home –"

When he finally turned to face me, I was a goner.

I don't know if it was the lighting, the music, or the man… but I couldn't control myself any longer.

I didn't even give him enough time to finish his sentence.

I placed both of my hands square on his chest and shoved _hard_. His green eyes grew wide as his back hit the closet door but I had a feeling he didn't mind. I roughly grabbed the lapels of his button-down and pressed his body firmly against the wall. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and inhaled his rich scent.

"Bella," he moaned, his gravelly voice music to my ears.

"Touch me," I whispered in response.

It was then that I felt his hands grab my jean-clad hips, hooking his thumbs into my belt loops and yanking my crotch closer to his. I bit his earlobe in approval.

He sighed heavily and I could feel his heartbeat quicken under my fingertips. "Bella, I thought you –"

I slid my left hand up his chest and placed two fingers on his right jaw, guiding his lips toward mine.

"No talking," I whispered before I pressed my lips to his.

His lips were tentative at first; he seemed almost hesitant to kiss me back. But once my roaming hand was entangled in his fuckhot locks, his lips were mine for the taking. I grabbed his beautiful hair by the handful and literally pulled his head down to mine, angling his mouth to give me better access. He must have enjoyed my tenacity; he met _this_ kiss eagerly, his lips and tongue vying to regain control.

Edward and I were welded to each other - chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis. The cold living room wall was unforgiving and, for that, I was grateful; I could feel every movement of his body as we writhed against one another. As we kissed, his hands wandered across the expanse of my back, his nails clawing at my shirt as if he could rip it to shreds at will. When he realized his efforts would prove unsuccessful, his hands cupped my bottom and aggressively pulled me even tighter against him.

My left hand was unwilling to release its hold on Edward's hair; my right hand tightly held Edward's shirt in its grasp. I tried to pull myself even closer to him, using my right hand as leverage to pull myself onto the balls of my feet to meet his not-so-gentle kiss… but I needed to be closer. I needed to feel _more. _

I literally wanted to climb atop his body and mount him like the stallion he was.

Once Edward took the lead in our kiss, my hands trailed down his torso until they found the button fly of his jeans. I tugged and pulled on his pants anxiously as I broke our kiss long enough to whisper, "I want you. _Now._"

He grabbed both of my wrists and suddenly _I _was the one whose back was against the wall, my wrists pinned to the wall above my head. His hard body pressed mine into the wall as we attempted to catch our breaths – my chest still heaving from our mind-blowing kiss and his ever-growing arousal rubbing against my pelvis. Edward rested his forehead against the wall, bringing his lips level with my left ear. His warm breath caressed my ear and neck and I couldn't help the involuntary shudder that wracked my entire body.

"I don't think so, Bella," he whispered matter-of-factly. "You can't just waltz in here, attack a guy, and expect him to follow your every command."

Edward's body betrayed his calm and rational tone. His breathing was still erratic and his hardness was twitching against my stomach.

I _knew_ I was going to get what I came for.

I whispered back, deliberately low and sultry. "Are you saying you don't want me? That you don't want to touch me? That my body doesn't turn you on?"

It was then that I felt Edward's eyelashes flutter against my neck, his nose nuzzling the sensitive skin there. His hands began to slide down my raised arms, his fingertips leaving a tingling trail on their way down my forearms.

I continued to taunt him. "That you haven't been thinking about me kissing you… licking you… fucking you… sucking you off?"

I felt rather than heard the needy groan that escaped Edward's lips as he buried his head in my neck… and his closed lips placed a gentle kiss there, followed by another… and another soon after.

Breathless, I softened my voice to a whisper and shared my little secret with him. "Because _I _have… I lay in bed every night thinking about your hands… your lips… your cock…"

"_Fuck_, Bella," he grunted into my neck.

"… and all of the naughty things I want you to do to me."

His kisses along my neck grew rougher and his hands resumed their trek up my arms, pinning my wrists to the wall once again. His hips bucked against his will and my eyes drifted closed at the sudden contact.

My arousal was at a fever pitch. I was so fucking wet and his kisses were overwhelminglydistracting… but the words continued to spill from my lips. My speech was raspy and I panted voraciously as I spoke but I _had _to tell him how badly I wanted him.

I licked my lips and swallowed deliberately before I spoke again.

"I've tried to fight it… to stay away… but I can't fight it anymore. I want this. I want _you_."

Edward remained silent as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on my chin before he bent his knees slightly and buried his head in the other side of my neck, greedily kissing and sucking on the skin beneath my right ear. I could feel every inch of his rock-hard body against mine and he felt so good. My wrists were still trapped within his grasp; I struggled to release myself but I only succeeded in making myself even hotter. He attacked my neck with such ferocity that I was literally dripping with arousal, my thong soaked with cum and rendered useless. He was desperate for me… _almost_ as desperate as _I_ was for _him_.

"I know you want me, too. I can feel it..."

He took me by surprise when he suddenly stood upright, sliding his body against mine. His eager cock rubbed against my throbbing clit and I gasped at the blessed contact. Even though we were both fully clothed, I was completely undone.

"Oh, _God_, can I feel it…"

His hands stealthily made their way down my arms, past my elbows and down my triceps, grazing the curves of my breasts to reach the tie around my waist. I could feel his fingertips as they nimbly untied the bow, finding their way under the heavy woven fabric to tease my aching nipples through my flimsy camisole. My back arched reflexively into his touch, craving more.

Edward chuckled into my neck, obviously pleased with my reaction.

"And I want to feel you deep… _deep_ inside me," I growled in his ear. "_Right. Now._"

He lifted his head from my neck to plant kisses along my jawline, lapping at my skin with his tongue. "_Right _now?"

"Yes," I cried, reaching for his fly once again. "Give it to me," I begged with need. I was at my breaking point and willing to do _anything_ to feel him balls deep inside me.

Edward pushed my sweater off of my shoulders. I heard it fall to the floor but I didn't care. I felt his fingers work their way through my long strands, massaging my scalp along the way. His eyes were on fire, most likely mirroring my own needy gaze as he tilted my head back slightly and whispered against my lips –

"Then stop talking and let me fuck you."

Edward's eyes held mine as he silenced me with his lips and kissed me breathless.

I momentarily lost the battle against falling hard for this man, suddenly feeling weak of mind _and _body when he whispered those eight simple words to me. Short and sweet, he spoke right to the part of me that wanted to tear the clothes off of his body as soon as he opened the door. The wall at my back was the only thing that kept me standing, my legs collapsing under me as his hypnotic gaze and succulent kisses pierced my soul. I was so entranced by him that I _almost _lost sight of my ultimate goal.

My fingers, once lingering at his crotch, suddenly came back to life. I could not release his cock from its confines fast enough. When my hands finally reached their target, Edward's kiss faltered slightly and I smirked proudly against his open lips. His tongue retorted eagerly in an attempt to curtail my smugness, but we _both_ knew that the battle had already been won.

Without a doubt, I was thoroughly impressed by his hefty shaft, its ample length and mystifying girth. Edward's cock stood tall and proud, straining against the taut fabric of his boxer briefs waiting patiently to break free. It was _all mine_.

I wanted to claim my prize.

"Give it to me," I asked in an inquisitive whimper. "Please," I begged, nudging his pants over his ass.

His forehead fell to my left shoulder as his glutes contracted under my touch.

That was all the encouragement I needed.

Edward's pants fell unceremoniously to the floor. His lips returned to my neck as his wandering hands found the hem of my skin-tight camisole. I worked my hands under the waistband of his boxer briefs, grabbing handfuls of his ass and pulling his cock even tighter against my abdomen; he groaned into the crook of my neck as I pushed his briefs over his hips and allowed his eager cock to spring free. He stepped out of the clothing that pooled at his feet without my assistance; meanwhile, his nimble fingers danced across the sensitive skin of my stomach, teasing me to no end. He gently tugged on the hem to get my attention.

"Off," he barked… and I was more than eager to comply. Edward leaned back slightly to allow me room to remove my shirt but, once my nipples were exposed to the cold air, he dove down eagerly to take each bud between his lips. He sucked on them appreciatively until my hair was free and fanned across my shoulders again.

"These, too," he whispered against my breast, pushing my jeans down over my hips as he spoke. Edward fell to his knees and sat back on his heels, rolling my pants down until they reached my shins. He cupped then squeezed my right calf, silently asking me to lift my foot so he could remove my jeans one leg at a time. I relaxed against the wall and complied with his request, my eyes focused on the top of his head as he gently pulled the pant leg over my heel and freshly-manicured toes. He paid the same amount of attention to my left leg, carefully removing my pants without causing me to lose my balance.

I stood before him naked, fully exposed. I have exposed my thoughts, my feelings to him before… but it felt _nothing _like this. Goosebumps broke out across my flesh – partly from the slight draft that chilled the air… and partly from the sight of one particular man kneeling at my feet.

When Edward finished removing my clothing, he surveyed his handiwork. His eyes roamed up and down my body, lingering to appreciate every curve and valley he found; his hands followed course, skimming my calves, traveling up around my knees to climb my quivering thighs. His gaze and his touch were almost reverent. I felt wanted, _beautiful. _

I felt the fingers of his right hand as they fanned across the tuft of hair above my sex; my head fell back against the wall in anticipation of what was to come. His fingers were nearly as glorious as his cock; my eyes closed, my subconscious encouraging me to savor his breathtaking touch.

I could hear Edward whispering in the semi-darkness.

"When the sun rose the next morning, you were already gone," he began, the pads of his fingers inching closer to my throbbing clit. "I thought I hurt you, that you never wanted to see me again…." Closer and closer, his fingers came to my sex… and I desperately wanted his touch and the release I knew they would give me.

"You don't know how long I waited for you… to come back to me, to tell me everything was okay between us… but you never came," his whispered, his voice barely discernible as his worlds trailed into the empty space around us.

A lone finger skated across the taut surface of my engorged clit. Such a small touch, but an overpowering sensation rolled over my body and my thighs closed tightly to contain the pleasure.

"There are so many things that I want to do to you, _for _you… but I thought you didn't feel the same way. And I was ashamed of myself for wanting you as much as I did…."

Edward's finger attempted to go deeper, his left hand forcing my thighs apart so his right index finger could caress my dripping folds. I propped my left foot atop his right thigh and exposed more of my core to him, eagerly awaiting a more intimate touch. His finger met my lips as soon as my legs parted; I could feel my wetness as it coated the tip of his finger and he spread it along the length of my folds. He made the circuit towards my clit again, coating it with my juices once he reached it. I bit my lip at the sensation.

"To know that you wanted me as much as I wanted you… makes me want you even more…."

His middle finger joined in, rubbing along my folds and teasing me into a perpetual state of arousal. I was so tightly wound that I couldn't verbally respond to his touch. Simple moans escaped my lips; he felt _so_ fucking good.

"You have _no _idea what you do to me…."

His fingers suddenly delved deep within my folds, causing my eyes to open wide and my breath to hitch. He moved them in and out at a painstakingly slow pace, twisting his wrist to feel the soft, smooth surface of my vaginal walls and the bumpy ridges that marked my g-spot.

"Bella, you are so fucking wet for me…."

I could feel his fingers stretching me, readying me for his cock. My Kegels squeezed his fingers in appreciation… but it still wasn't enough. Edward must have sensed the tension building in me because he suddenly shifted his focus from my pussy to my clit. I felt his fingers twist one last time, placing his hand palm-up while he was still buried deep inside me. His thumb, once idle, began to massage my clit with small, tight circles of pressure. The fingers inside me continued to move with a shortened stroke, rubbing with blessed friction along my upper wall as they attempted to press even deeper into me. My body, taut with impending orgasm, writhed against the wall; my eyelids squeezed even tighter as I attempted to adjust to the increased sensation. My palms were pressed flat against the wall… but my fingers itched to touch him, to pull him to me, to give _him_ the pleasure he was giving _me_.

"I have always wanted to touch you like this… to make you cum like this…"

_You might get your wish…_

He continued to pump his hand in and out of me, maintaining contact with my clit. His hand sped up, pressing harder and farther with each thrust. When his thumb couldn't keep up with the rhythm of his fingers, Edward pressed the flat of his palm against my sweet spot and cupped it roughly. As his fingers unrelentingly fucked my pussy, he increased his palm's pressure against my clit. My ass slammed into the wall with each inward thrust and the shockwaves reverberated throughout my entire body. I was literally seeing stars.

"Cum for me, Bella...," he whispered.

As badly as I wanted to cum all over his hand, I wanted to savor every glorious inch of his cock before I had my release.

"No," I panted pathetically. "Not yet…."

Suddenly, Edward pulled his fingers out of my pussy… and replaced them with his warm, supple lips.

My jaw dropped and my eyes opened wide again at the unexpected contact. My breath forcefully escaped my lungs as my head made a resounding thud against the wall.

"_Fuck_,_" _I shouted, my chest heaving from the effort.

When I felt his lithe tongue lick my dripping clit… then again… _and_ again, I slapped my palms against the wall _hard_; I had nothing to hold on to but I was _not_ going to allow any distance between his lips and mine.

His right hand – the hand that so masterfully fucked my pussy mere moments before – began to wrap around my left thigh, attempting to hold me still. Once his arm was fully wrapped around my leg and my thigh atop his right shoulder, he began to attack my pussy more aggressively.

I chanced a look down as Edward ate me out… and… it was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen. His messy hair was nestled between my legs, his lips suckling and pulling on my clit to bring forth the orgasm he requested. He licked my pussy from all angles, tilting his head to get to the spot that would make my knees buckle. Once he found it, his head went still. Edward sucked and he pulled, he nipped and he licked…. He was a fucking master at this. And when his tongue entered me for the first time, he almost got his wish.

At that point, I wasn't sure what I enjoyed more – his cock or his cunt-licking skills…

I let him get a few more licks in before I grabbed his hair and yanked _hard_. As good as his mouth felt on me, I couldn't take that sweet torture any longer.

Edward planted one soft kiss on my clit before he released my leg and climbed my body. He left a trail of kisses from the apex of my thighs to my sternum, grabbing onto my left thigh as he made his ascent. My skin broke out into goosebumps as he wrapped my left leg around his waist and brought the tip of his cock even closer to my entrance. I gasped in anticipation of what was to come. He was still dressed from the waist up; the delicious friction of his dress shirt against my taut nipples excited me even more.

Edward buried his left hand in my hair and his head in my neck once more to whisper in my ear, "You are so beautiful like this…. I am _so _fucking hard right now…"

Indeed, he was. I wrapped my hand around his cock, hard as steel and ready to fuck.

So was I.

I pulled Edward up by the lapels of his shirt and brought his eyes to mine. "Then what are you waiting for?" I asked.

Edward met my challenge with a smile and slight nudge of his cock against my center. "I thought you said you wanted to wait," he replied, planting another soft kiss against my neck.

"Not for _this_," I countered, stroking his engorged cock for emphasis.

His left hand left my hair and travelled down my side, leaving a tingling trail in its wake. He dipped down slightly to grab my other leg, standing up sharply to wrap it around his waist while continuing to pin me against the wall. I managed to remove my stroking arm before he closed the miniscule distance between us, and I decided to wrap both of my arms around his neck to maintain some semblance of balance.

Edward's cock was right where I wanted it – poised and ready to enter my pussy. And I couldn't wait for him to fill me up.

He rested his forehead against mine, our eyes still locked on one another. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked, his eyes earnest with sincerity.

My fingers tangled in his hair once again before answering against his lips. "Fuck yes," I sighed with certainty.

Edward closed the distance between our lips, applying the gentlest of pressure to seal the kiss. He softly kissed my lips again, from another angle this time, and then grabbed a wrist in each hand and placed them above my head against the wall. I was slightly confused at the action but my lust-addled brain wasn't paying _too_ close attention to anything that _wasn't _Edward Cullen's mighty cock.

He kissed me once again, pinning my wrists even tighter to the wall. His forearms rested against mine as his hips began to rock slightly, back and forth along my folds. My body was growing impatient with lust.

"_Fuck_, Edward…. Don't make me wait any longer...," I begged, hoping he would get the message.

And, with that, he buried his head in my neck once again and grunted as he impaled me with his cock.

Our mutual groans and the far-away notes of an unfamiliar tune were the only sounds that met my ears at that moment. All I could see - all I could _feel - _was Edward. His arms, his scent, his heat surrounded me and I drank him in. His cock pulsed deep within me, Edward's restraint remarkable. He filled me wholly, completely. It felt so right.

"Bella," he whispered hoarsely into my neck, "be _very_ still. _Don't. Move._"

His body pressed me even harder into the cold living room wall. Frantically, his fingers climbed up my wrists to press his palms into mine. When our fingers intertwined and his hands finally squeezed mine, I knew I was going to enjoy the ride.

The muscles of his glutes and lower back flexed beneath my crossed ankles as we began to rock against his living room wall. Edward pulled out slowly and I could feel the tip of his cock as it retreated from deep inside me. I could feel each and every inch of his cock as it slid between my folds, his tip gliding effortlessly within my tight walls. I whimpered at its loss but I didn't have to miss his cock for long; Edward slid back home even deeper the second time around. He seemed to press impressively deeper and deeper with each subsequent thrust. My pussy stretched to accommodate his cock but my cervix only allowed him to go so far. When he met that barrier, he didn't let it stop him; he worked his tip against my cervix in small circles, pushing himself in further then retreating slightly.

I moaned hungrily in the semi-darkness, enjoying the feel of his cock as it moved inside me.

I was finally riding my stallion.

"You feel fucking _incredible,_" he whispered into my neck as he fucked me slowly. I squeezed his cock in response and a low moan escaped his lips.

His left hand released my right and fell to my right nipple, pinching it tightly between his fingers. My God, his fingers can do no wrong to my body….

"More," I mewled in his ear. "I want _more_."

His left hand quickly travelled downward to grab my ass, angling my pelvis so he could fuck me even _deeper._ I gasped at the new sensation. My free hand reached for his hair once again, pulling his face to mine for a rough kiss. He maintained his rhythm, in and out and in even farther each and every time; his tongue mimicked the movement of his cock and I was content. I didn't want it to end.

But Edward was quickly losing control.

Grabbing my left hand even tighter, Edward braced me for a piercing thrust that slammed his tip into my cervix with tremendous force.

I yelped suddenly, pleasantly surprised by his masterful stroke. I struggled to keep my legs wrapped around his waist but his thrust was just _too _powerful.

Thankfully, he gave me a little time to recover.

"Look at me," he whispered against my lips. I pulled back slightly and met his gaze; the fire in his eyes rocked me to the core. I allowed myself to be drawn in by his hypnotic gaze as he squeezed my hand… and slammed his tip into my cervix once again.

My eyes slammed shut at the force. My head rolled forward and found rest atop his shoulder. My body felt weak; my limbs were limp and I could barely catch my breath.

"_Look. At. Me," _he gritted through his teeth, struggling to maintain his control.

I threw my head back against the wall once again, my eyes lidded with overexertion and passion. The gleam in his eye was unmistakable. Edward was enjoying himself just as much as I was.

He squeezed my hand once again in warning and stuffed his cock deep within my folds. His pelvis crashed into my clit, causing a wave of pleasure to overtake my body.

_Fuck… he's good._

He picked up the pace slightly, fucking me roughly with little restraint. Each contact he made with my clit and my cervix fueled the orgasm that was building deep within me.

"Don't… stop…," I managed to squeak in between thrusts.

"Don't… leave me … ever again…," he replied, matching his thrusts.

Once I understood his rhythm, I held my own; meeting his thrusts and absorbing the blow each and every time. Our lips and teeth collided as he continued to pound into me, our bodies on the edge of release. I pulled his head down to my shoulder once again and massaged his neck as he continued his thrusts. When I felt his cock jerk within me, I squeezed my Kegels and whispered in his ear:

"Cum for me, Edward. I am _so_ close."

He grunted in response and squeezed my ass even tighter. On each stroke, he swiveled his hips, increasing his pressure against my clit. I just needed one hard push to fall over the edge…

"Yes, Edward, just like that...," I encouraged him, biting his ear in encouragement.

He grunted even louder into my shoulder, pumping in and out of me at break-neck speed. His lips hovered at my collarbone; his nails digging roughly into the skin at my hip. My body was humming… purring… anxious to reach that final climax…

And then… there was silence.

There was no Edward.

There was no Bella.

There was just pleasure, euphoria washing over me in waves. A bright light burst beneath my eyelids, stars in every color of the rainbow zooming into view. I was floating… and I didn't want my feet to touch the ground. I didn't care about what was happening around us. I didn't care that Alice could walk in on us at any minute. I simply reveled in my complete and utter bliss.

When my sense of self returned, I heard the remnants of my ear-piercing cry as it rang throughout the near-empty house. I could feel the sharpness of Edward's canines as he bit my shoulder hard, his cock exploding with white hot cum soon after. My breath was coming in gasps and I struggled to regain my composure as Edward continued to pound into me. My walls contracted sporadically around his cock, milking him until he was completely spent.

As his stroke slowed and our breathing returned to normal, my right hand continued to massage the back of Edward's neck. In turn, he brought my left hand down to rest on his shoulder. His weight continued to support me against the wall but I made sure to clasp my hands behind his neck and tighten my legs around his waist before I thoroughly embarrassed myself. His hands came down to cup my bottom, assisting me as I attempted to support my own weight.

His head was still buried in my neck. His ragged breathing turned into gentle puffs of air against my neck, which began to tingle at every exhale. I let my head fall back to rest against the wall and closed my eyes. I wanted to remember this moment, to etch it in my brain for those long, lonely nights when I ached for his touch.

Then again, my dreams don't do him any justice….

Edward lifted his head and looked into me, staring at me so intently that I couldn't break away from his gaze. Softly, he cupped my face in his hands, gently working his fingers into the ragged strands that surrounded my flushed face, and leaned in slightly to kiss my swollen lips.

Edward took his time, his lips lightly brushing mine before pulling back minutely to see how his kisses affected me. My eyes drifted closed at his gentle kisses, releasing all control and allowing him to take the lead. I let his lips guide mine; his gently-probing tongue sparked my own into action. Edward kissed me thoroughly, languidly, as if our time was short and he wanted to file away every single moment he pressed his lips to mine.

I didn't mind.

Once he had his fill of my lips, Edward rested his forehead against my own and tipped his chin up slightly, aligning his nose with mine for an Eskimo kiss. Dangerous territory, indeed, but I did oblige him. It was… sweet.

But I could only take so much….

"I need to… um…," I whispered to him.

"Oh. Of course…," he replied before kissing my lips one more time and releasing me so I could stand on my own two feet.

I hurriedly tried to pick up my clothes but a flash of red distracted me from my task.

"Here. Take this," he said, offering me the shirt off his back.

"Um… thanks." I took it from him and turned away from him to give myself some privacy as I pulled it on. It smelled like him.

I heard him chuckle behind me.

I turned toward him, attempting to fasten some of the ridiculously small buttons on his shirt. "What's so funny?" I joked.

"Nothing at all," he smiled. "Hey…"

My head popped up and I saw him standing before me in his white wifebeater… and nothing else.

He gestured toward his dress shirt. "It looks good on you."

I looked down at his shirt, then to him, and smiled demurely before I made my way to his kitchen for a quick drink.

I could feel the heat of his gaze as I walked across the room. The butterflies that had been quelled before were fluttering about with a passion.

It was then that I realized that this would _not_ be the last time I would seduce Edward Cullen.

I _had_ to have him again.

**

* * *

You still there? Excellent….**

**I hope this action-packed, triple-length feature makes you love me again. :( But, alas, I am done reposting for the night. More will come, I promise, tomorrow evening.**

**For the next couple of chapters, I will be doing things a little differently. Chapter 11 will be a Bella chapter (I know, I'm messing up the pattern). You'll notice that I've left Tink and Bells hangin' at the Beehive…. Chapter 11 will wrap all that up… a little bit of Edward POV, some buttered popcorn, and a large Coke Zero and we're off to the show! Chapter 11 has already been written and will be posted tomorrow. **

**Show me some luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv!**

**- dye **


	11. This Never Happened

**Quick A/N:**

**HAPPY WEDNESDAY!**

**Thanks to all of my loyal readers and welcome to all of my new ones. :) I love reading your reviews. I'm glad you all LOVED Chapter 10. Thanks as always for your support. Thanks again to Twilighted beta vjgm and my bestie CullenDLite for their help.**

**More A/N at the end…**

**Until then, enjoy!**

_**

* * *

BPOV**_

_~Present day~_

"Allie, close your mouth. You'll catch flies in there…."

My friend, the one who _always_ has something to say, sat across from me slack-jawed and speechless.

"Allie?"

More silence.

_Now _I was worried….

"_Alice,_" I pleaded. "Say something."

"Who the fuck are _you_ and _what_ have you done with my frigid friend?"

_There's my girl…Can't hold her liquor but she's good for a few laughs…._

"Bella, this is _so_ not like you. Are you having a quarter-life crisis or something?"

I sat back in my chair and sighed. "No… We just had this connection, Alice. I had _never_ felt that way before."

"But it was just sex… a two-night stand, right? Why are you so worked up about this guy?"

"Alice," I began, "have you ever been with a guy who stimulates all of your senses at once? His touch, his taste, his scent, his _voice_… When I'm with him, I'm on sensory overload. I fucking _crave_ that man."

Alice shook her head in disbelief. "_Damn_, Bella… does he have a twin brother?"

I shook my head wearily. "No, Allie…"

_But he does have a sister…._

Allie hit the nail on the head with her 'waiter' suggestion… I need a fucking refill.

"So…," Allie interjected, "he _obviously_ has you sprung. Have you seen him again?"

"Yes, I have. I see him _a lot,_ actually."

"So are you officially dating or what?"

_Well…?_

"Define 'or what'…."

Alice gasped again from across the table. Thank goodness it was crowded in here or someone would have thought I was seriously hurting the girl.

"Bella, you little skank! You have a boytoy, a fuckbuddy, a friend with 'benefits…'"

"Actually, Alice, I prefer to refer to him as… just a friend…"

"Don't go all Biz Markie on me, Bella Swan. There's much more than friendship here and you know it."

I shook my head defiantly. "It's just sex, Alice…"

"Just sex," she repeated warily.

"Yes…"

"So what's the problem?"

I picked up my empty wine glass by the stem and twirled it back and forth between my fingers. "Well, everything started out really nice. We would hook up about once a week, taking full advantage of our time together…. But lately, I don't know…. He's changed."

"How so?"

"I don't think our arrangement is enough for him."

"He wants a real relationship with you."

"You could say that…."

"And how do _you_ feel about that?"

_That _caught me off-guard. I finally met my old friend's gaze. "Feel about _what_?"

"About… taking your pseudo-relationship to the next level?"

Honestly, I am so confused right now that I don't know _what_ I want anymore.

I shook my head again, leaning on the palm of my idle hand. "I don't know, Alice. I think I want to keep things the way they are."

"I can tell. If _I _had an ever-ready 'dick-in-a-jar, break-glass-as-needed'-kinda thing going on, I'd want to keep it for myself, too… but don't you think you're being a little selfish here?"

_Selfish?_

"What do you mean? He knew where I stood, Alice. "

"Well, did you know how _he_ felt about you before all of this started?"

_Well… um…._

"No," I shrugged nonchalantly. "But his feelings are irrelevant here."

"What do you mean 'his feelings are irrelevant'? Relationships are a two-way street – whether they are based on love or not. You can't make big decisions like that for the both of you."

I quickly jumped to my defense. "But I _didn't_ make this decision alone. _We_ agreed to this. I am _not_ forcing myself on him. He is a more-than-willing participant, I assure you."

"Okay, okay," she relented. "So, how did this 'agreement' come about anyway?"

I sank into my chair, completely spent by Allie's words… I didn't feel like defending my actions any longer but I needed to get this off of my chest.

Despite my reluctance to pick up where I left off, I took a deep breath and continued our tale.

"Well, I stuck around for a bit after we… _you know…_"

_

* * *

~ Six weeks earlier ~_

_OJ…_

_Cranberry juice…_

_Bottled water…_

_Coke Zero…_

_White zinfandel… perfect._

I pulled the chilled bottle of wine from the fridge, looking forward to its soft tickle as it travelled down my throat.

I definitely needed the cool-down after getting thoroughly fucked against Edward's living room wall.

My back protested as I stood upright and closed the refrigerator door. I put my hand on my hip and tried to stretch out my back but it was no use. I was going to be walking funny _and_ sittingawkwardlyfor the next few days.

Yes, I was sore… but it was a _good _sore.

I was sex sore.

Sex-with-Edward-_Cullen_ sore.

And I felt _fan_-fucking-_tastic_.

So I decided a mini-celebration was in order… hence the zinfandel.

The wine glasses were in the cabinet above the microwave, so I padded over and stood on tiptoe so I could pick out my favorite wine glass – bottle of zin waiting patiently on the countertop.

The muscles in my back and arms protested once again… _ouch!_

_I better start stretching beforehand if this is going to be a habit…_

The Rabbit corkscrew was in the drawer at my waist; I pulled the handle with my free hand, grabbed the corkscrew, and bumped the drawer closed with my right hip.

"You navigate that kitchen like you own the place…"

I turned quickly to see a partially-redressed Edward staring at me in amazement.

Oh my…

How can one man make a wifebeater and low-hung jeans look _so_ _damn_ _sexy_?

"Well… um… I spend a lot of time here… I probably use this kitchen more than Alice does." I turned back toward the counter, grabbed the bottle of zin and waived it in his direction. "Do you want a glass?"

"No, thanks."

_More for me, I guess._

I poured myself a glass, reset the bottle on the counter, and turned back toward my…_my…._

Honestly, I don't know _what_ the fuck to call him now.

Edward looked so uncomfortable standing on the opposite side of the room, dancing along the invisible border that separated the kitchen from the living room. He looked as if he wasn't sure if he could enter his own damn kitchen. He wouldn't even make _eye _contact with me. I think it's time to lighten the mood…

"So…," Edward began, staring at his bare feet as he shuffled his weight from side to side.

"So…," I echoed, chuckling as I leaned back on the counter and took my first sip of _vino_.

"What now?"

"We could play a game of strip poker? Since I suck at poker _and_ I'm naked under this shirt, I guess it would be a quick game…,"I smiled, cupping my glass in my palm and pulling it to my chest.

Edward returned my smile as he took a tentative step into the room. "As much as I would love to reclaim my shirt right now, I think we need to settle some things first."

My eyebrows flew north at his statement. "'Settle some things'… hmm," I thought out loud. "Are you still tense?"

Another step.

I heard his soft chuckle, his eyes downcast once again. "Actually, I feel very relaxed, very… _limber_," he replied, his eyes locking on mine as a sly grin crossed his features.

I sighed exaggeratedly. "_Well_, I guess your sexual tension has been resolved...," I smiled, taking another sip of zin.

"Now, wait a minute, _Swan_…," he began, hesitantly rounding the corner of the kitchen island that separated us, his eyes following the movement of his right hand as it skimmed its polished marble surface. "_I_ was under the impression that our 'sexual tension,' as you called it, was resolved a couple of weeks ago."

"Maybe for _you_… _Cullen," _I chided, "but _I_ was still a _little_ tense." I raised the thumb and forefinger of my free hand and pinched them together to emphasize my point.

"_Clearly_," he said sarcastically. "You couldn't keep your hands off of me."

_Cocky motherfucker…. _

"You weren't complaining….," I retorted, grinning with my glass at my lips.

His eyes travelled appreciatively over my body, up my exposed legs to the spot where his shirt hit the top of my thighs.

"No, I wasn't," Edward grinned matter-of-factly, his eyes finally resting on the cleavage exposed by the top three shirt buttons I purposefully left undone. "But if I am not mistaken, _you_ were the one who attacked _me…_ "

I was _not _going to let him see how much of an effect he was having on me. So, I turned my back to him, grabbing the half-full bottle of wine on the rear counter and refilling my glass. "If you are reaching for a compliment on your dick-laying skills, then you'll pull a muscle…," I told him over my shoulder.

"But not the most _important_ one…"

I turned back to find Edward a little _too_ close for comfort. He was standing directly in front of me – not even three feet away - leaning against the edge of the kitchen island. His legs were crossed at the ankles; his naked arms crossed tightly against his chest. His head was bowed, his recently-rough-sexed hair shielding his tell-all eyes from mine. I drank him in as I attempted to gather my thoughts.

When he chanced a look in my direction, his mirthful eyes met mine. He knew he won the battle… but I refused to concede the war.

"Look, Edward," I sighed in defeat. "I'll admit you have… _some_… sexual prowess …." - _that_ got a grin out of him – "… but it doesn't mean that I have any _other_ non-platonic feelings for you."

"C'mon, Bella… So all of those words back there about wanting me, thinking about me…. That kiss back there? It _wasn't_ a friendly peck on the cheek…."

I had an answer for that. "I got caught up in the moment."

_Good one, Bella…._

"Really?" The devilish look in his eye only meant one thing.

_Uh oh._

_I am _SO_ fucked._

Edward took two steps toward me, his right hand reaching for my glass, and carefully extracted it from my grasp. I followed his traitorous hand as he set the glass down to my left and laid his hand palm-down on the marble slab. His left hand mimicked the right, leaning on the counter to _my_ right. When I was effectively trapped between his outstretched arms, he leaned in toward me and whispered with certainty:

"I think you're wrong."

He closed the gap between us and lightly brushed his lips against mine. He did it once more and I was paralyzed; I was unable to respond, didn't _want _to respond.

And then his tongue stealthily swept across my bottom lip.

_Now you've done it…_

My mouth opened slightly, eager to welcome his tongue once again. Edward took advantage of my parted lips, licking then kissing each lip separately before delving in aggressively to attack my idle tongue. I focused all of my attention on his luscious mouth – the feel of his soft lips and lithe tongue as they wrestled with mine, the tastes of white zin and our erotic sin dancing across my palate. I was weak… and he only _kissed_ me.

_Damn his fucking lips!_

Once satisfied, Edward gracefully extracted his lips from mine and stared at me intently. His eyes were the color of absinthe – and equally as intoxicating.

"Anything," he asked, his voice dripping with sex appeal.

"Nope," I whispered breathlessly. "I felt absolutely nothing at all."

_Yeah… very believable, Swan…_

"Nothing at all, huh?"

Unable to form another coherent thought, I simply shook my head in response.

It was then that I felt Edward's hands on my hips, his body pressing even closer to mine. I attempted to lean away from him, but that only encouraged him to lean forward even more. I placed my hands on the countertop behind me, needing the extra support for my weight _and_ Edward's tempting advances. I was literally pinned against the hard stone counter, his lips mere millimeters from my arched neck. His head dove in to place open-mouthed kisses along the column of my neck, his hips finally settling against mine. As his timid kisses became more confident, I could feel his cock growing hard and insistent against my belly.

My eyes drifted closed and I concentrated solely on the feel of his body against mine.

"_Still_ nothing?" He finally asked between kisses.

_What were we talking about again?_

"Uh… _no?_" I stammered. His lips curled into a smile as he chuckled softly into the crook of my neck.

"Same here," he replied in between kisses, "but I think my body has a mind of its own."

He placed his hands atop mine on the counter and began to rock his hips in time with his wanton kisses.

"I can _tell_…."

_You could say that again…_

Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one whose body was betraying their better judgment. We've only had sex twice and he already knew which of my buttons to push. My neck was a very sensitive spot for me and he was trying to take advantage of my weakness.

And I enjoyed every minute of it.

But I was quickly running down a tempting but treacherous path.

I needed to take control of this conversation before we ended up naked again.

Reluctantly, I placed both of my palms square against his chest and pushed him lightly. He didn't budge much, since he outweighed me by about forty pounds, but he heard my message loud and clear.

He lifted his head from my neck but maintained his full-body contact.

Obviously _some_ parts of his body protested my actions.

"Bella?" His eyes, still crazed, sparked a fire deep within me and I was weakening by the second.

_Why am I stopping him again?_

Because I had to be the voice of reason here… right?

I took a deep breath and let the words tumble out before things went too far… _again._

"Edward… we need to talk…"

The fire in his eyes died quickly. He took two steps back, an almost-guilty look crossing his features, before turning away from me to hide his disappointment. He ran a quick hand through his hair and then tented his fingers on the island countertop.

His confident posture? Gone.

The swagger with which he approached me? Gone.

He was a defeated man, reminiscent of the shy boy I fell in love with all those years ago. His posture was repentant, as if _he_ was the one who did something wrong. When he finally spoke, his tone was equally as remorseful.

"Bella, I -"

_I _had_ to fix this…_

I took one step toward him. "Edward…"

He continued to brood. "I…. don't know what came over me. I just… "

Another step. "Edward. _Stop_."

"…that night, I totally took advantage of you and –"

"Edward…" I was directly behind him; he could probably feel my body heat through his thin shirt. I placed my right hand atop his, soothing his knuckles so he could relax his hand. I think it worked.

Well, at least he stopped talking.

I tried to reason with him. "Edward, _I_ came to _your _bed that night. You didn't take advantage of me…. _Actually_, I kinda liked it."

It was _my_ turn to be the bashful one, avoiding his gaze as he turned to face me.

Suddenly, _I _was the vulnerable one, hoping I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life.

He didn't say a word. Maybe I said too much.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

His beautiful timbre was music to my ears.

I stole a look at his face, the utmost sincerity gracing his features.

There was only one answer I could give him.

"Always."

He reached out and placed his hand underneath my chin, raising it slightly so I wouldn't miss his words – or their meaning.

"I liked it, too."

And then he smiled at me.

I let out a relieved chuckle in return.

The room suddenly went quiet. I had no idea what to say next.

"So, where does that leave us?" Edward asked, finally breaking the silence.

I shook my head and sighed in response, "I don't know _what's _going on between us, Edward. But one this is obvious…"

"And what is that?"

"That there is a _very _strong physical attraction between us... _so_ strong that we can't seem to keep our hands off each other… " I reached out to him, grabbing his wifebeater and pulling him to me as I walked backward to settle against the counter again.

He was amused by my forwardness. "But I respect you too much to take advantage of our friendship. I value that more than the occasional… indiscretion." His palms were flat against the counter surface around me, trapping me in his arms once again.

"Are you saying you liked my visit?" I smirked at him.

"A little more than I care to admit," he smugly beamed in response.

_I wish I could wipe that smug look off his face…_

The wheels started turning and… a tiny little thought in the back of my sex-addled brain came to the forefront.

_What if…_

Edward's expression changed from seductive… to amused… to _deeply_ _concerned_…

"Uh, Bells," He laughed uneasily. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I just came up with a brilliant idea…_Eddie_…"

His tone became playful. "Oh, _really_? Do tell…"

I released his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles with my hands. "Follow along with me here…"

"I'm in," he nodded, his eyes firmly locked on mine.

I had his undivided attention.

_Good._

"_Well,_" I began, "we _are_ two consenting adults… "

"Yes…"

"…who are _obviously_ attracted to one another..."

"Mmm-hmm," he nodded. "Continue…"

"Neither of us is married… or dating anyone seriously… and we seem to fit perfectly together…"

"We do…"

My eyes darted to my hands as they pressed against his pecs. "So… maybe we can make this…" I paused, gesturing between the two of us, "a more _regular_ thing?" I lifted my eyes to his, hoping to gauge his reaction.

A sly grin crossed his features. "What are you suggesting?"

"A mature relationship," I told him with confidence. "A mutually beneficial arrangement. No pledges of love or affection. No attachment. Just the occasional fuck every now and then."

"No attachment...," he repeated.

"None… besides our friendship, of course," I assured him. "Just think of it as two friends 'scratching their mutual itches', so to speak…"

"Bella," he said, his eyes darting down to my lips. "When I fuck you, I want it to be more than 'occasional'…" His voice trailed off as his lips went in for my neck once again.

"_That _could be arranged...," I sighed.

_Fuck... I have created a monster…_

_Not that I minded, of course…._

Edward's hands began to wander, grabbing me by the waist and holding me tightly. "Bella, you have _no_ idea how fucking _hot_ you look in my shirt…"

My libido started doing the Irish jig_. _It was like Riverdance between my legs.

His kisses were deadly. My heart was beating a mile a minute. "I could wear your shirts a lot more often, if you'd like," I told him.

"Actually, I would prefer to see you out of it." His hands slid up my waist and cupped my breasts on their way to locate the first buttoned hole on his shirt. I groaned at his touch.

Edward kissed my jaw, then my cheek, before zeroing in on my lips once again.

_Boundaries…._

I placed two fingers against his lips, effectively halting his attempt to kiss me. "Hold on, lover boy," I warned him. "We should set some ground rules… to maintain the integrity of our… agreement. Rule number one? No kissing on the lips."

I lowered my hand so he could respond. "_All_ lips… or just _these_ lips?" he asked, tracing the outline of my lips.

"Just those… but everywhere else is fair game."

"Good," he agreed, resuming his dangerous kisses along my neck. Edward's hands found the lower hem of his shirt and began to creep their way underneath to smooth along my upper thighs and hips.

"Alright... Rule number two? This is between you and me. As far as everyone else is concerned, this night never happened."

Edward was not deterred in his mission to drive me crazy with his kisses. "What about Em and Alice?"

"Not even Em and Alice. Let's keep this as 'our little secret'."

"I can do that…" His roaming hands found my hard peaks. He pinched them _hard. _I squealed at the sensation.

"Fuck, Edward," I panted. "I can't concentrate when you touch me like that."

"That's the point."

_Point taken._

"And rule number three? I'm not looking for love. I don't want a relationship. This is just sex. Plain and simple."

With a gentle huff against my re-exposed collarbone, Edward's kisses came to a stop. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my naked back and buried his head in the crook of my neck. I hugged him in return, throwing my arms around his neck.

He pulled back to look at me, his face more serious than I had ever seen it.

"Is this what you really want, Bella?"

I played with the short hairs at the back of his neck. My fingers found the mole that I had been _dying_ to kiss.

If I played my cards right, I just might get my chance.

"Yes, Edward," I said simply. "I know what I want. And what I want is you."

He searched my eyes for _something_—I'm not sure what—but he must have found what he was looking for because he whispered the four little words I wanted to hear:

"Then you have me."

And, this time, I didn't stop him from reclaiming his shirt.

* * *

A few hours later, I knew we had to part ways but I didn't want to leave. I was happy. I was sated. I was… _floating on air_. I didn't want the night to end.

It was around 2 AM when Edward walked me to my car. The rain had died down but there was still a slight chill in the air.

Edward grabbed the straps of my raincoat and tightened the belt around my waist. "Call me when you get home?"

"I'm not far, Edward."

"Still… humor me, okay?"

I smiled. "Okay."

When we finally reached my car, I turned to him one last time, pressing my palm to his heart.

_I had to be sure…_

"This never happened..," I whispered, more like a question than a statement.

Again, an unfamiliar expression crossed his face… but, as soon as it was there, it was gone. His face went expressionless but his body looked as weary as I felt.

"No, Bella. This never happened…"

He opened my car door for me and I smiled at his chivalrous gesture.

I took a step toward the car but the car door shut suddenly, my hand being pulled in the opposite direction.

"But before I have to forget…" Edward pulled me close, cupped my cheek and kissed me soundly. We tumbled backward until my back was flush against the car door, his lips never leaving mine.

_Breathtaking…_

_But I had to stop him._

I lowered my chin to my chest, our foreheads pressed against each other. "Edward…," I warned him.

"I know," he said as he reopened the car door. He took a step back, his eyes never leaving mine. "This never happened."

The look in his eyes _almost _made me stay….

But, after a few brief moments of deliberation, I knew that leaving was for the best.

And, with that, I hopped in and made the short trip back to the U District.

I didn't look back.

* * *

~_Present day~_

"We sealed the deal a couple of times that night. He was incredible."

Allie nodded. "Sounds like a solid agreement indeed – ground rules and all."

"The rules were more for _my_ protection than his. I needed to take the romanticism out of it all."

"But why the 'no kissing' rule?"

"Kisses are so personal, so telling. They're more intimate than sex. You kiss the people you love, the people you truly care about. And I don't want to fall in love. It's so… _cliché_."

"Don't knock love, Bella. It has its merits."

"… and its pitfalls."

"Agreed," Alice smiled. "But why won't you at least give him a chance?"

"He was a different guy back in college. He took his relationships for granted. I don't want to fall into that trap again."

"_Again?_" Alice said, her eyes perking up instantly.

"Like I said before, Alice. We didn't date in college for a reason. Honestly, I don't know him anymore."

"Well, have you even _attempted_ to get to know him again?"

"No… not really."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

_I don't know…_

I became lost in the crackling wood of the fireplace when I heard Alice squeal in delight.

I turned to face my friend and I found two new glasses of wine sitting before us.

"Alice, where did you get these from?"

"Oh… the bartender said that these were on the house. From a mutual friend of ours. They're at the bar."

I picked up my glass and took a sip.

White zinfandel.

_Fuck_.

I looked over at the bar and, sure enough, Edward lifted his own glass and toasted us from across the room.

Alice and I raised our glasses in thanks, my friend taking a healthy sip of her wine glass; I, on the other hand, couldn't help but think about the significance of his wine choice.

This was going to be a _long_ night indeed.

Let the games begin.

**

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I love you guys!**

**As always, read and review. See you next time! :)**

**-dye**


	12. Seeing Eye to Eye

**You guys ROCK! I love each and every one of you. Thank you SO much for your feedback and reviews. I love hearing your encouragement. Your reviews keep me going! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.**

**(BTW, as a 'thank you', Edward's morning-after outtake is posted as a separate link under my fanfiction (dot) net profile. Go check it out!)**

**To bring you up to speed on the haps so far –**

**Edward confronted Bella about their feelings for one another, which Bella denies. Edward sought Emmett's advice about the whole situation. Emmett tells him to either enjoy himself with 'the mystery girl' or cut her loose. Bella, meanwhile, sought Alice's advice. Alice thinks she should give her 'mystery guy' a chance. Edward is cutting Bella off until she admits her feelings for him; Bella is more determined than ever to keep their relationship strictly sexual. Bella and Alice are meeting friends to catch a movie. Edward is invited but he may not show.**

**What happens next? Read on…**

**Thanks as always to my Twilighted beta vjgm and CullenDLite for their help with this fic. As always, read, review, and recommend to other Twihards who love smut as much as I do.**

**Enjoy!**

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**EPOV**

_~Present Day~_

_I think I may have lost my mind…_

I can't believe I let Alice talk me into going out tonight…against my better judgment, of course.

After what had happened between Bella and me this morning, I didn't want to put myself in another awkward situation.

But when Alice called me this afternoon and basically begged me to come out tonight, how could I have said no?

I promised Allie I'd be here tonight.

I never break my promises.

But the Beehive, Allie? _Really? _I wouldn't expect this to be her kind of place. It reminds me more of Gargamel's castle than your 'friendly neighborhood watering hole'. This is my first time here and it's not making the best impression on me.

I found an empty seat at the bar and scanned the room for Alice and Bella. Luckily, I found them quickly, seated by the fireplace in the back.

Given the mood of the night, I thought it would be in my best interest to grab a drink before I walked over to their table. I turned back toward the bar and flagged down one of the barhands, hoping to grab the first of many beers tonight.

I caught the attention of a tall, lanky guy with Marilyn Manson hair and a barbell nose piercing to match. He looked at me as if he wanted to _eat_ me rather than serve me alcohol. He placed his palms flat against the bar and towered over my slight frame, his stare deadly.

"Can I _help_ you?" His deep timbre reminded me of Lurch from the _Addams Family_.

_Really, Alice?_

"Um, excuse me…" – I quickly searched for a nametag – "_Lars…_ can I get a Rolling Rock?"

"No," he snapped and turned his back on me.

_What the fuck?_

I knew I was going to have my hands full with Bella tonight but I wasn't in the mood for _Lars _and his refusal to help me get drunk…

"We don't _serve_ any of that domestic piss they call beer here," he said as he turned back toward me. "Here, preppie," he added, sliding a plastic-covered drink menu across the bar. "If you want a _real _beer, I would suggest the Rochefort 10 – Belgian beer at its best…."

Lars was right… imported beers only. Not an American draft on the list.

_Now I see why Alice loves this place. It's almost as pretentious as she is…._

"Alright, Lars. Rochefort it is."

He disappeared under the bar for a brief moment before rising to his feet and placing the dark brown glass bottle on the bar. Lars popped the top with his bare hands and slid the cold, wet bottle over to me. I stared at the swirls of mist that escaped the tapered bottleneck, the condensation on the bottle's surface forming heavy drops of water that fell clumsily from bottletop to label… the dark, fruity aroma of the brew reminiscent of some of the finest wines…

"What are you waiting for, preppie?"

It seemed that Lars was getting impatient.

I threw him a look and saw the hint of a challenge in his eyes.

I refused to let Lars punk me.

So, I picked up the bottle and took my first sip.

Sweet, rich, full-bodied …perfection. Lars _definitely_ knows his beer.

"I stand corrected, Lars," I told him, tipping the bottle in his direction. "This is pretty good. Thanks."

"Welcome to the Beehive," he smiled before wiping down the counter in front of me and moving on to help his next patron.

I put the bottle to my lips and tipped it toward the ceiling, taking another hearty sip of beer. The fruity-sweet scent and smooth taste of the Rochefort was _very_ deceiving. I could taste the alcohol; one or two more of these would get me drunk _fast._

I rotated the seat of my barstool to get a better look at my sister and my…

My sister's best friend. I can't think of her as anymore than that.

Maybe Emmett was right. If she doesn't want a relationship with me, then there are plenty other women out there who would.

But look at her…

Bella is beautiful in every sense of the word. Yes, she is physically attractive; I'm not denying that… especially tonight. Her hair cascaded over her bare shoulders, her lilac sweater hugging the soft curves of her breasts, waist, and hips. Her legs were crossed at the knees, dark blue denim gracing her long, toned limbs. Simple yet stately black heels adorned her feet, accentuating the muscles of her calves and the ballerina-like arch of her feet.

But this was not the Bella I fell hard for.

I'm not talking about the seductress who makes me hard with a simple glance… or the woman whose touch brings me to my knees every time.

_I'm _talking about the sweet and gentle soul who always had a few kind words in her heart… or one of her mother's various healing stones to counter my negative thoughts.

She has saved me more times that I can count.

All of the time we shared together as kids… all of the nights we comforted each other with our words, not our bodies….

Does she even _remember_?

I could see glimpses of the Bella I used to know as she talked to Alice. Whatever they were talking about _must_ have been interesting; Alice was leaning forward on her palms, staring intently at Bella as she talked about her day. Bella was animated one minute, dejected the next…. smiling brightly one moment, pensive and resigned the next. She always talked with her hands and I see that habit hadn't disappeared over time. Bella was constantly fidgeting in her seat, her physical posture changing throughout their conversation.

I wonder what she did today…. Did she go to campus to work on her portfolio? Did she obsessively tidy up her place like the OCD girl I used to know? Did she take her time thinking about what she should wear tonight? Did she think about _me_?

I'll admit; I _have_ thought about _her_. And sitting here now, I can't help thinking about our nights together. The stolen glances, the discrete touches, the gentle kisses to body parts that rarely see the light of day….

_God_, I wanted to touch her…

But I knew what I had to do. I had to hold out until I knew _exactly_ how she feels about me. Sex with Bella was never cheap or meaningless to me. It's not fair to either of us if we continue with our current "arrangement". She deserves better than that… and I want to be the one who gives it to her.

"Lars," I called, swiveling back around in my chair. "I need another."

"Clearly," he stated matter-of-factly. "Someone has obviously caught your eye." He nodded toward the girls.

"That's my sister, Alice."

"Yeah, I know Allie – a real firecracker, that girl. But I was talking about her friend."

I turned to see Bella leaning on the arm of her chair, gazing into the warm, inviting fire.

_God, she is beautiful…_

"Yes, she has," I smiled to my friend.

"I think she needs a refill…."

"Can you get her a glass of your best white zinfandel? One for Allie, too."

"No problem," he replied as he grabbed another Rochefort from under the bar.

I took a swig from my second beer.

"Hey, preppie…"

"Yeah, Lars?" He was already pouring the wine for the girls.

_I'm really starting to like this guy._

"Since you wanna make a good impression on the girl, I'll ask Glen to take these drinks over for you. Hey, Glen!"

Glen, a slender-built guy with bleach-streaked brown hair, made his way toward us from the other end of the bar.

"Take these over to Allie and her friend. Tell 'em they're 'on the house'."

"Got it," Glen called out over his shoulder as he took the drinks over to the girls' table.

I followed Glen with my eyes until he arrived at the fireside table. Alice was clearly excited about the free drinks; on the other hand, Bella was in a state of shock. She took one sip and looked toward the bar. When our eyes met, I raised my bottle high and smiled broadly.

Bella understood the significance of my wine choice and was _not_ amused.

_Time to face the music, I guess…_

I rose to my feet, smoothing down the buttons of my charcoal grey oxford as I stood. Grabbing my beer, I made my way through the crowd of drinkers until I finally reached the girls.

"Slim fit looks great on you. Calvin Klein?"

Only Alice would greet me with a critique of my attire.

"No, baby sis," I smiled. "Ralph Lauren."

"My good taste is finally rubbing off on you," she beamed as I leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hi, Bella," I whispered.

"Hi," she replied, trying very hard _not _to look in my direction.

Alice was eager to butt in. "Thank you for the wine, by the way. Do you wanna sit with us?"

"If you don't mind, Bella," I asked, not wanting to make her _too _uncomfortable.

"I don't mind," she said flippantly. Her nonchalance was mildly infuriating.

I grabbed a high-back chair from the table next to us and turned it so that I could straddle its seat. I rested my crossed arms along the top of the chair back, feigning casualness. In actuality, my moves were very calculated and I was _extremely _uneasy sitting between two of my favorite girls.

"Eddie, I am _so_ glad you came out tonight. I worry about you, you know…"

"What do you mean, 'worry', Alice?"

"You _never _come out with us. You're always holed up in that room of yours," she whined.

"I like the quiet. Can't a man be alone with his thoughts once in a while?" I took a quick pull of my drink.

"You spend _way _too much time alone with your thoughts and not enough time with the opposite sex. When's the last time you got laid?"

I practically choked on my drink. I knew she was joking but she had no idea that her comment hit a _little _too close to home. "Allie, you're my sister and I love you… but that is _none _of your business."

"I thought so…," she replied matter-of-factly.

"But I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are," Allie smiled. "We'll have fun tonight. I promise."

_We'll see about that…_

"So," I began, "who's coming out with us tonight?"

As always, Allie was quick to chime in. "Well… it's the three of us, my photographer Jazz, Bella's friend Lee… is Emmett coming?"

I chuckled, thinking of Emmett's response when I asked him earlier. "No, he's not coming unless there was a hot girl waiting for him."

Bella and Allie exchanged an interesting look. I let it go.

"No hot girls here… besides us, of course," Alice beamed. "Maybe he can come meet us at the Alley later on? He might find someone more his 'type' there..."

Oh, yes, the Alley. Good for late night drinks and dancing. A lot of pretty girls get drunk there – Em's type indeed.

"I'll text him and let him know." I whipped out my phone and began to type my message.

"Bells, you should invite that new guy friend of yours…."

_A new guy?_

My head popped up so fast that I almost caught whiplash. "A new guy, Bella?"

Bella lowered her head, continuing to avoid my eyes.

"Allie, I don't wanna –"

"But, Bella, you said –"

"I didn't know you were seeing someone, Bella," I interjected.

_I had to know._

She turned to me and met my eyes for the first time tonight. "It's nothing serious, Edward."

Alice was practically bouncing in her seat. "Oh, _really_, Bells? From the way you talked about him earlier, I beg to differ." Allie looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.

Bella's eyes set like lasers on my baby sis. "Alice, can we drop it… _please?_"

I raised my hand to Alice in a stop-like gesture. "It's okay, Allie. If she doesn't want to share, she doesn't have to share." I turned my attention to Bella once again. "I'm happy for you." I gave her a genuine smile but my eyes probably told another story.

"Um… thank you," she mumbled, her eyes darting from mine to stare into the fire once again.

The table became quiet. I took a sip of my beer as Allie finished her glass of zinfandel.

Once Allie finished her drink, she jumped to her feet. "I need to freshen up, guys. I'll be right back."

Bella and I mumbled our replies and watched Allie weave her way through the crowd.

Once Allie was out of earshot, I felt compelled to ask…

"Should I be jealous or what?" I smiled, hoping to ease some of the tension at the table.

"Edward, it's not what you think," Bella rebutted, lowering her head and shaking it in response.

"Oh, really? Alice seems to believe so…."

"I don't want to talk about this right now…."

"Bella, if you're seeing someone, you can tell me. It's okay."

_It's not okay but I'll pretend that it is if that's what you want…. _

With a huff, Bella adjusted herself in her seat. She shifted her body in my direction and leaned toward me conspiratorially. "I was talking about _you_, okay?"

_Me?_

"Me?" I was fucking stunned.

"Yes," she hissed at me, peering over my head to see if Alice was on her way back to the table yet.

I whispered back. "But I thought we weren't supposed to talk about our relationship."

Bella snapped back quickly. "I didn't tell her it was _you_, Edward."

_Oh. Well, _that_ changes things…._

"So, what _did _you tell her?"

"Nothing of consequence. Girl talk, nothing more."

"I see…," I nodded in understanding. But there was one thing that still wasn't clear to me.

"But why can't you talk to _me_ about our relationship?"

"Edward," she sighed, lowering her head in defeat. "Don't start this tonight…."

"Bella," I whispered, covering her hands with mine as they lay in her lap. "Stop running away from _this_," I told her, shaking her hands for emphasis.

"There's nothing to run away _from, _Edward." She lifted her head and met my pleading gaze. Her eyes were black and cold. Her jaw was set. Her voice dripped with venom as she put the final nail in my coffin:

"Like I said before… it's nothing serious."

I leaned toward her, giving her a cold stare of my own.

"I don't believe you."

We stared each other down until we heard Alice's sing-song voice carry across the crowded room. We broke apart quickly, the both of us still a bit shaken by our conversation.

"I'm back," Alice sang, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. "We need to start walking over, guys. Jazz and Lee are going to meet us at the theater in a few minutes. You ready?" Alice asked, turning to her old friend first.

"Sure. Let's go," Bella answered, bounding out of her chair quickly. She grabbed her coat and hurriedly downed the last of her glass of wine. My eyes followed her as she walked toward the door.

"Eddie?" Alice still hovered above me, an expectant look on her face.

"Of course, Allie," I told her. I swallowed my pride (and the last of my beer), pushed myself away from the table, and wrapped my right arm around my sister's shoulders.

As the three of us left the Beehive to make the trek to the Landmark, my mind drifted back to the conversation Bella and I had a few moments ago.

Our conversation may have been interrupted but it was far from over.

Bella has some serious explaining to do. She can lie to herself but she can't lie to me.

But I guess we don't have time to talk about it now.

We had friends to meet.

**

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Ooooooh… it's showtime! Can't wait to see what happens in Chapter 13 – Bella POV. Will Edward keep his promise to himself? Will NaughtyBella make an appearance at the movie theater? I guess we'll have to wait until next time. If you're not on story alert, I would **_**definitely **_**recommend signing up for the next update.… I promise you it will be gooooooood.**

**Whadya think? Show me some love! **

'**Til next time….**

**-dye**


	13. Double Entendre

**As always, special thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm and CullenDLite for bearing with me and the 4+ feet of snow that halted this publishing of this chapter. Extra-special thanks to Chaucer, Eric Hoffer, Sidney Dark, and God for their words which inspired this chapter. Extra-extra-special thanks to all of my faithful readers and reviewers – I heart you all.**

**Now, without further ado, here's Chapter 13…**

**Enjoy!**

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'_When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.' – I Corinthians 13:11 (KJV)_

'_A wise man never puts away childish things.' - Sidney Dark _

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**BPOV**

When I was a child, Renee loved to bake. She loved baking almost as much as she loved her healing stones. Cakes, cookies, muffins, pies… you name it, she made it.

Every year, Renee would bake a birthday cake for me from scratch – no Betty Crocker or Duncan Heinz for her. Cake flour, real butter, milk, eggs, vanilla…. Sometimes, I would watch my mom mix all of the ingredients with care, butter and flour her pans, and place her filled cake pans in the oven. She never used the oven timer; she always seemed to know when that cake would be done and it was perfect every time.

Even though her cakes were great, the cake itself was not my favorite part….

While the cake was in the oven, Renee would start making the frosting. She would use her trusty spatula to mix a couple tablespoons of creamed butter, vanilla, and a pinch of salt in an ice-cold metal bowl. After adding the powdered sugar and enough milk to make it nice and smooth, Renee would add a couple of drops of blue food coloring so that the icing would become a light, powdery shade of blue – Bella Blue, she called it. Once mixed to perfection, she would leave the frosting on the countertop to tempt me until the cake had cooled.

I remember sitting at the kitchen counter, waiting patiently for Renee to take the cakes out of the oven. Without a timer, I had no idea how long it was going to take. And then I had to wait for the cakes to cool… it seemed like _hours_ before she returned to _finally_ spread the frosting on the cake. By that point, I would be so desperate for a taste that I would hover over the cake, ready to pounce on the empty metal bowl and that blessed spatula.

Once the cake was fully frosted, Renee would scoop some of the remaining frosting on her spatula and hand it to me like a magical scepter. It would take all of my strength not to yank if from her hand… but before she could let go, I had the spatula to my lips and greedily gobbled my Bella Blue frosting.

Of course, that night, Renee and Charlie would light the birthday cake with candles and sing the expected 'Happy Birthday' song… but I looked forward to licking the icing off the cake more than blowing out the additional candle. As far as I was concerned, it wasn't a 'happy birthday' until I licked every ounce of frosting off of my cake.

When I was done, not an icing-laced crumb of cake would be left on the plate. Renee would always laugh at the huge hunks of cake I would leave on my plate as I reached for my second (or third) helping of cake-tainted frosting. Cake was just the canvas on which my special frosting was spread. To me, it had no other purpose. I never really liked cake; it was just a necessary evil to get the frosting I so desperately desired.

Now that I am older and _slightly_ wiser, I have decided to live my life as if every day is my birthday… but instead of waiting by the oven for my birthday cake to finish baking, I grab my ice-cold metal bowl and my favorite spatula so I can make my _own_ frosting.

Who needs cake when you can have the frosting without it?

* * *

_Present Day_

I love the Landmark – an old-time theater quirky enough to attract movie lovers young _and_ old. It has been a Fremont landmark for decades but, over the past few years, larger multiplexes have drawn more mainstream theater-goers. Nowadays, you can find noteworthy first-run movies before they hit wide release. Nonetheless, the Landmark is always packed on a Saturday night… and tonight was no exception.

Although I have seen many movies here, I am always taken aback by its grandeur. From the plush burgundy rugs to the grandiose tapestries that adorned the walls to the grand golden chandelier that hung over the center of the lobby, the Landmark's 'throwback' feel added to its majestic charm. Two old-fashioned ticket booths flanked the grand entry doors, the polished bronze gleaming under the bulb-lit marquee advertising the movies of the night. The lobby was trimmed in rich reds and glittery golds reminiscent of high-class opera houses and concert halls. Heavily upholstered couches and benches lined the walls, framing the doors of the two modest screening rooms located on either side of the lobby. But the "best seats in the house" were located on the ultra-comfortable circular couch that sat underneath the glittery chandelier in the center of the lobby. The couch resembled a spinning top, with its posh overstuffed velvet seats surrounding a shared cushioned backrest. Strikingly adorned in red velvet and gold piping, the couch was truly a work of art.

On any other night, I would have enjoyed the ambiance but all I could think about was the lovesick puppy staring daggers at me from the concessions counter.

Despite the fact that Edward looked utterly edible in that Ralph Lauren ensemble, his well-tailored gabardine slacks accentuating his tapered waist and mouthwatering glutes, our conversation earlier left a sour taste in my mouth.

I can't _believe_ he pulled that stunt at the Beehive earlier. How _dare_ he tell me how _I _feel or what _I_ want. I told him that I didn't want the bullshit of a relationship but that motherfucker is in denial. I have never said nor implied that I might have some feelings for him. Never.

So what's his deal anyway?

When I suggested the 'arrangement', I never thought he would have gone all emo on me. Given what I knew about Edward's past, I wondered why our newfound sexual relationship was such a big deal to him. He was such a slut in high school… and, as Renee used to say, a slut never changes her (or his) panties. So, where did his 'inner whore' go all of a sudden?

I don't know… and, honestly, I don't care. As long as he respects my wishes and gives me what I want, there won't be any problems.

I took a quick peek at the display on my phone to check the time. We were already running a little behind. After a friendly brother-sister spat, Alice reluctantly let Edward drive us to the Landmark. Parking in this area is always a hassle, but Edward was able to find a spot relatively close to the theater. We arrived in the theater lobby with only a few minutes to spare but Jazz and Lee had yet to arrive.

"Where the fuck _is_ he? It's not like he had to travel far…," Alice bit out in a snarky tone.

_Sucks to get a taste of your own medicine, huh?_

"He'll be here soon, Allie," I told her in consolation.

As if on cue, my phone started vibrating in my hand.

_B – Still on the bus. Can you leave a ticket for me at Will Call? - Lee_

"Fuck," I whispered under my breath.

"Bella, what's up?" Alice looked concerned.

I shook my head as I glared at my phone. "Lee's stuck on the bus. Can we leave an extra ticket at will-call?"

"Good idea," Alice agreed as she made her way toward the main entry way. "I'll leave one for Jazz too … but I'm gonna have him text me once he gets here. Wanna grab us some seats?" Alice handed me her coat to use as a seatholder.

"Sure. I'll see you inside." I shot Alice a quick smile and walked to our screening room.

Luckily, I was able to find five empty seats in a row near the rear of the room. Not an ideal viewing angle but I guess that's what happens when you show up mere moments before the movie starts. The five seats were situated at the end of a row, so I placed Allie's coat at the end of the row, my coat in the seat to its right, and walked past the two adjoining seats to claim the fifth and final empty seat. I sent a quick text to Lee about the ticket. Hopefully Allie or Lee will come in soon so I don't have to sit next to…

"Is this seat taken?"

_Oh, fuck me …._

"It's a free country, Edward. Sit wherever you want." I hoped my deadpan voice gave away my excitement.

"Don't mind if I do," he practically beamed at me as he took the seat next to mine.

As he took his seat, I could smell his intoxicating cologne as it mingled with his own unique scent. Suddenly, memories of our passionate nights flashed before my eyes. His scent filling my lungs as I sucked on his Adam's apple… the look of pleasure on his face as I raked my nails down his pecs and across his nipples… the fullness of his cock as it pushes between my lips… I could practically _taste _the saltiness of his skin on my tongue… My mouth began to water and my body trembled at the sudden flashback.

"Jolly Rancher?"

I turned to Edward, glassy-eyed. "Huh?"

"Jolly Rancher," he repeated, shaking the familiar box of hard candy in his hand.

_The candy, Bella… he meant the _candy…

Fuck. I was growing weaker and weaker by the moment.

"Want some?" He offered once again. I could smell the tart sweetness of his breath as the small candy danced across his tongue.

_I smell sex and candy… yeah…._

Another involuntary shiver ran through me.

"Are you cold?" Edward whispered with concern in his eyes.

_Holy hell… Will this torture ever end?_

"Uh… I'm fine," I stammered, lowering my gaze to the tempting box of candy. I held out my palm and Edward shook a couple of candies into my hand.

"Ready for the movie?" Alice bounded down the aisle, taking the empty seat next to her brother. Alice begged us to see the new Ricky Gervais movie, _The Invention of Lying_. Since my life was a sarcastic comedy, I guess this film was right up my alley. I could use a good laugh right now.

"Any word on your friend?" Edward asked.

"Not yet, but he should be here soon. Oh, look, the movie's starting..."

The lights dimmed and the movie began after a couple of short previews.

Alice made a good movie choice for a change. The film was set in a fictional world in which the concept of lying did not exist. Fabrication, exaggeration, and imagination were unheard of. Everyone was brutally honest with one another regardless of how harsh their matter-of-fact verbiage might seem – and everyone responded to this general bluntness in kind.

It was… refreshing.

_Wow, I wish _certain_ people valued that kind of honesty…._

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice get up quickly to make her way out of the theater. Jazz must have buzzed her.

For the moment, it was just me and Edward. In a dark movie theater. Without the prying eyes of our closest friends and family.

I had Edward _all_ to myself_._

I rested my right elbow on the adjacent armrest, propping my chin on my upturned palm.

_Hmmm… what to do, what to do…_

My eyes drifted over Edward's crossed hands as they sat in his lap, his long legs spread wide and bent at the knees.

_The perfect sitting position for a blowjob…_

There was no use fighting it any more. I was a goner.

Basically, I had three options. I could either -

A) Sit here and focus on the movie, ignoring the magnetic pull of the beautiful male specimen sitting next to me,

B) Get up and swap my seat with someone farther down the aisle, effectively putting some needed distance between my hands and Edward's crotch, or…

C) Reach across the armrest between us and wank him off shamelessly.

I was trying really hard _not _to let Edward and his addictive heat distract me from the movie…. Unfortunately, I was failing miserably. The fingers of my left hand twitched as I tried to resist the urge to do something _really _inappropriate…

_I need another distraction, damn it…_

I began to rub my left palm up and down my left thigh, hoping to quell my urge to touch him.

Didn't work.

I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to temper my torrid thoughts.

Pointless.

I started reciting Chaucer's 'Canterbury Tales' in my head…

_Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote / The droghte of March hath perced to the roote / And bathed every veyne in swich licour / Of which vertu engendred is the flour…_

_Vertu engendred is the flour…_

Oh, _fuck_ it…

I adjusted myself in my seat so that I sat a little more upright, setting my left hand on the edge of my seat. After a couple of beats, I slowly pushed back the armrest that sat between us.

Edward noticed the movement and sat up slightly.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Edward," I whispered back seductively as my hand crept toward his right thigh.

"What are you _doing_?" He was clearly unnerved by my actions.

_Perfect…_

I leaned a little closer to him and raised my lips to his ear. "I want to touch you. Is that okay?" I pulled back slightly and smiled sweetly at him as my hand finally made contact with his right thigh.

"Bella," he warned in a harsh whisper, readjusting himself in his seat. He pushed himself backward, trying to avoid my roaming hand.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I joked with a smile, my hand sliding toward its goal. "I thought you loved a good hand job…. You don't want me to touch it?"

"Uhh…," he stuttered.

"Cat got your tongue?" I squeezed the inside of his thigh and he nearly jumped out of his seat.

"What are you doing? Allie will be back any minute now…."

I licked my lips and whispered softly in his ear. "Since I can't straddle your lap and fuck you like I _want_ to, I'll do the next best thing." I crossed my right leg over my left and turned toward him more fully so I could reach the button on his fly with my right hand. Once I unbuttoned his fly and grasped the slender metal of his zipper, Edward's anxiousness rolled off of him in waves.

"Bella," he murmured. "This is neither the time nor the place –"

I cut him off before he could rebuke my behavior.

"Listen here, Cullen," I bit back sharply as my hand delved into his boxer briefs. "Getting you off gets _me _off... so I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

Edward's cock jumped at my words.

When my fingers finally reached the smooth skin of his shaft, I heard Edward exhale sharply and felt him readjust himself in his seat.

"Just relax and let me touch you," I purred.

I wrapped my fingers around him and slowly slid my warm fist up and down his cock.

One pump was all it took. Edward's body finally relaxed and he moaned softly in contentment.

He was _mine_.

"That's it, baby… _relax…._" I rewarded his obedience with another measured stroke, using my thumb to coat his thick head with the pre-cum that pooled there. "Isn't this nice, Cullen? A good movie, a mouth-watering Jolly Rancher, and a tight fist milking your cock…."

Another agonizingly slow stroke. Another strangled moan from Edward's closed lips.

"Admit it, Edward… you are enjoying this just as much as I am…. Do you want to feel how much? I am so fucking wet right now…." I brought my lips to the base of his neck and kissed him tenderly.

"Fuck, Bella," he moaned as he broke out in a cold sweat.

"Now _that_ would be a little over the top, don't you think?" I chuckled lightly in his ear.

Edward's hips began to rock in time with my movements, his dick growing harder and thicker in my grasp. It was such a fucking turn-on.

"…but a blow job isn't out of the question," I added, punctuating my statement with a nip on his earlobe.

"I can't do this," Edward groaned, pulling my hand from his crotch and standing abruptly to readjust his pants. He brusquely walked to the end of the aisle and ran down the screening room stairs. As I followed his movements, I noticed Alice, Jazz, and Lee as they began to climb the stairs to get to our reserved seats. I waved and flashed them a wry smile but obviously someone _else_ was on my mind. Alice entered the row first and took Edward's empty seat. My friend was clearly flustered by Edward's behavior… as was I.

"What the fuck is up with Eddie? He practically knocked me down on his way out."

I shrugged my shoulders, feigning innocence. "When you gotta go, you gotta go, I guess..."

I stared at the exit door, confused by Edward's response.

He was obviously turned on by my display… what the _fuck_ has gotten into him?

And why the fuck isn't _he_ putting _it_ in _me_?

I wasn't done with him yet. Just thinking about that beautiful cock in the palm of my hand made me…

Thirsty.

I quickly tapped Allie to get her attention. "Allie, I'm feeling a little parched. I'm gonna get something to drink. Do you want anything?"

Alice shook her head quickly.

I nodded in response as I rose to my feet and quickly made my way down the aisle.

When I finally reached the concession stand in the lobby area, Edward was nowhere to be found.

_Maybe he went to the restroom to take care of his… 'big problem'…._

Fuck, I wanted to handle that for myself….

Oh well.

After waiting in line for what seemed like _ages_, I walked toward the front entrance with a Coke Zero in my hand and a determined stride to my step.

_Maybe some fresh air would cool me off a bit…_

The cool, damp Seattle air felt wonderful against my skin. It was a refreshing reprieve to the stuffiness I encountered in the overheated movie theater. Despite the relatively 'early' late hour, I could hear the laughter of children as they enjoyed the rain-free night with their families. Young singles gaggled in animated camaraderie, anticipating a fun-filled night of alcohol and new friends. A few couples roamed the streets hand-in-hand as their night had just begun. A gentle wind tousled my hair, blowing a few random tendrils into my eyes. I raised my right hand to brush the wayward strands from my face and, as I turned around to make my way back into the theater, I found a wild-eyed Edward staring back at me.

_Round two…._

"Ready for more?" I smiled broadly, slithering toward my prey.

"Cut the bullshit, Bella."

My smile faded and my steps ceased in stunned surprise. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

I placed my hands on my hips and stared him down. "What the fuck is your problem, Cullen?"

His gaze was deadly as he stalked toward me. "I'm not the one with the problem here. What kind of stunt were you trying to pull back there?"

"That wasn't a stunt, Cullen. You were too damn close and too damn tempting _not _to touch. You know how much I love your cock – between my legs, between my lips, in my hand. I would gladly drop to my knees right now and show you my appreciation but… I'm not into public displays of affection."

"Well, you almost put on a _huge_ display back there."

"Huge, indeed," I smiled smugly. "Admit it, Cullen. You liked it."

Edward took a long stride backward and lowered his head resignedly, shaking it in seeming disbelief. "Does it always have to be about _sex_ with you?"

"Does it always have to be about _romance_ with _you_?" I countered.

Edward lifted his head and met my gaze head-on. He took a deep breath and thankfully regained his composure. "What are you running away from? What are you afraid of?"

_Here we go again…_

"I'm not running away from _anything,_ Edward," I tell him. "And I'm _certainly_ not afraid of _you_."

He shook his head and took one step toward me. "No, you're not afraid _of_ me… but how you _feel _about me…."

_I have had it up to _here_ with his sanctimonious bullshit._

I crossed my arms and shifted my weight onto my right foot in a clearly defensive posture. I lowered my gaze to my crossed arms and wished he would just leave me alone.

"Go ahead, Bella. Put up that wall you like to lean on so much."

His brazen attitude pissed me off. So I snapped back.

"It's not a wall, Cullen. It's the fucking _truth_," I snapped, kicking at the imaginary pebbles on the sidewalk. I lifted my chin and met his gaze with a venomous stare of my own. "Reality hurts, doesn't it?"

His face visibly softened. A part of me felt bad for hurting him, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do….

He released a tired sigh before he spoke again, his voice devoid of anger and fear. "Bella, why are you acting like this? We were friends for years but you and I both know our feelings went deeper than that."

I released a weary sigh of my own. I'm tired of fighting him, fighting _this. _"Edward, we were kids then. That was such a long time ago. I've changed. _We've_ changed."

"Some things never change," he rebutted. "Time doesn't change the way you feel about someone."

I shook my head in response. "I'm not the same girl you left behind five years ago."

"But you _are,_ Bella," he whispered, taking measured steps toward me. "You are_…s_tubborn as a mule. You overanalyze _everything. _You hate mean people but would move heaven and earth for the ones you love. You look absolutely beautiful tonight but a pair of sweats and your favorite Chucks would suit you just fine. You hate wearing your hair down but you do it anyway to make Alice happy. You are a 'big-picture' kind of girl, which is a great quality for an artist such as yourself, but… sometimes you miss the little things, the _important_ things right before your eyes."

He confidently reached for my left cheek and cupped it slightly, his eyes never leaving mine.

"You still believe in the power of these tiny slivers of stone," he continued, allowing his fingers to follow the column of my neck until it reached my pendant. "You still believe in miracles... and so do I…"

The hollow of my neck was on fire; his touch sent a surge of warmth through my veins.

"Our connection is still there, Bella. I felt it five years ago and I feel the same way now. When you come to me in the middle of the night…. When you touch me… When I fill you… We fit so well together…" He took one step closer to me and brought his free hand to my right cheek, lowering his voice to barely a whisper. "I have never felt that way before… And I know you feel it too."

_I can't handle this anymore…._

I grabbed his hands and gently removed them from my skin. "No, Edward. Things are different now." I turned and walked away from him once again, unable to withstand the assured look in his eye.

I could hear his steps as he followed me from behind. "Things are different now because you _want_ them to be. I just don't understand _why_."

_To live the lie, you have to _believe_ the lie…._

I turned to faced him, empathy written across my features. "Look, Edward. I like you… and I can understand how you feel. I get it, I do. But I don't feel that way about you. You don't even _know_ me. All you know is the woman who comes to your bed at night."

"Then let me _get_ to know you," he said, taking a large leap toward me as he spoke. "I want to hear about you, your life, how you've changed, how you've remained the same…. Let me inside, Bella. I want to see _you_ again. The Bella I grew up with… I know she's in there somewhere. Is that too much to ask?"

_Believe the lie…._

"Right now? Yes…it is."

Edward fixed me with a hard stare. "Then I can't do this anymore."

My head recoiled in confusion. "What do you _mean_ you can't _do_ this?"

"This," he said, gesturing between the two of us, "is not enough for me." He walked toward the Landmark's entrance.

"Well, _I'm_ happy…," I huffed.

"I beg to differ."

I whirled on my heels to face him once again and practically shouted at him. "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Edward took three quick strides toward me and grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to the curb so that we were not in the way of nosy passers-by. Then he whispered softly through clenched teeth. "Sex may satisfy _some_ of your needs but not _all_ of them."

I wrench my arm out of his grasp, defiant of his touch, and growled at him. "And what? You think _you_ can satisfy all of my needs?"

"If you let me…," Edward whispered. He said it with such sweetness that my heart almost burst.

_Live the lie…_

"Whatever...," I whispered icily, dismissing his promise.

I took two steps away from him before he grabbed me by the bicep again and pulled me back to face him, his eyes piercing me to my soul. "Why is this so difficult for you to understand? I want _all_ of you… Bella… not just the little glimpses of you that I see when you come to my bed. And definitely _not_ the façade you're putting on now….."

I was paralyzed. His gaze was so intense and his hold on me was so strong… I didn't want to let go.

"Bella, I want to know _all _about you. I want to get to know you again… and I want you to know me too. I'm not the same man I was five years ago or, hell, even five _minutes _ago. But I know what I want, Bella. I want to spend my time with _you, _to get to know the _real_ you_._ That is all I am asking for. At least _try…._"

_Live the lie, Bella…_

He took one step forward and I took two steps back, shaking out of his grasp.

"You know where I stand, Edward," I told him matter-of-factly. "I thought I made myself clear."

"Crystal." His extended hand, still hovering from where I left it, dropped to his side as he chuckled softly. "You're more than willing to offer your body to me but the rest of you is off limits. Well, it's not enough, Bella. It was _never_ enough for me."

_What am I missing here?_

"I don't understand," I said, shaking my head in response. "I thought –"

"The arrangement is off," he barked, effectively rendering me silent.

I looked at him, completely dumbfounded.

"_What_ did you say?"

He leaned toward me, his tone serious. "I'm not playing this little game with you anymore. If I can't have all of you, then I don't want _any_ of you."

Things were spiraling out of control – fast.

"But, Edward –"

"All or nothing, Bella. Take it or leave it." His jaw was set, his eyes intense.

This was _not_ happening.

This could _not_ be real.

But I think this _was _real… to him….

_Believe the lie, Bella… live the lie…._

"I thought so," he said, not even giving me time to respond. With that, he turned his back to me and walked down the street. He didn't even bother to tell Allie he was leaving.

He left us.

He left _me._

_Fucking coward…._

"Bella, are you okay?"

_Thank God for true friends…_

I turned to Allie, worry written all over her face. "Yeah, Allie. I'm fine. Just needed some fresh air."

"Did you see Edward?"

"Yeah…. He, uh… he just left," I told her, pointing distractedly down the street.

"Well, if he didn't like the movie, he could have just _told _me," Alice huffed, pissed that her night wasn't going as planned.

_You could say _that _again…_

"Maybe we'll find him at The Alley," Alice reasoned.

"Yeah…. The Alley," I whispered, still stunned by Edward's declaration. He might be headed to The Alley. Drinks and dancing at The Alley was the after-movie plan. I could use another drink or five.

Alice tugged on my arm to get my attention. "The movie's almost over, Bella. Let's get inside."

"Okay," I whispered, still in my mini-daze.

"Well," Alice started impatiently, "what are we waiting for?"

_Yeah… what_ are_ we waiting for?_

I nodded and smiled as my friend dragged me back inside the Landmark. This had been an excitement-filled night thus far.

And the night was still young….

* * *

"_We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.__" – Eric Hoffer, American writer and philosopher_

* * *

**Still there? Good.**

**What do you think? Reviews are like Edward's Jolly Rancher – sometimes they go down easy, sometimes they're hard to swallow, but you savor each and every one you get.**

**(P.S.: If the meaning is lost on you, look up "Jolly Rancher" at the Urban Dictionary...)**

**Please review and recommend. Chapter 14 is a-go, so you will see it shortly. The ish is about to hit the fan. You have been warned. LOL**

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**-dye**


	14. The Black Widow Strikes Again

**Lengthy A/N at the end.**

**Hugs and kisses to everyone who has read, reviewed, and rec'd 'Two Wants' thus far. I heart all of you. Thanks as always to my Twilighted beta vjgm and CullenDLite.**

**No copyright infringement intended. Lots of sexual tension VERY intended.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**EPOV**

The streets of Seattle welcomed me with open arms as I stormed away from the Landmark and into the night.

I needed the air. I needed to breathe. I was suffocating in my own skin and needed the reprieve.

I didn't expect the night to turn out this way.

My hopes were raised at the Beehive, when I found out Bella told Alice about our relationship; she tried to crush my spirits when she told me that our relationship meant nothing to her.

I knew she was bluffing.

But when she touched me at the Landmark…

Yes, I admit; I was turned on by her forwardness. If I were a weaker man, I would have let her have her way with me without a fight.

But she was _too _forward, _too_ harsh…

She touched me as if she had something to prove.

I _had_ to get out of there. I ran as fast as I could, seeking the air I so desperately needed.

When she found me, I thought she was going to apologize for her out-of-character behavior. Instead, she wanted to pick up where we left off.

I called her bluff. I took advantage of our time alone to tell her in no uncertain terms that I was serious about her, about _us._ I told her how I felt about her, how I _knew_ she felt about _me_. I told her what I wanted from her… and what I wanted to give _her_ in return. I thought I had broken through to her. I thought she would finally drop the charade and welcome my love with open arms.

Instead, Bella used that opportunity to break my heart.

Bella knew what she was doing. She was my own personal Black Widow and I was her unsuspecting prey. Her eyes were intoxicating and her body was tempting… but her venom shot straight to my heart and literally sucked the life out of me. She was drawing me in and killing me slowly with her words, hoping I would relent and give in to her desires. In her eyes, my sincere needs were not as important as her superficial wants.

I refused to be her victim any longer.

I had no choice but to call off our arrangement. I didn't know what else to do. Her caustic denials were eating away at my soul. There was no way I could continue our one-sided love affair – not when she was so determined to deny us the love we both deserved.

I couldn't bear another minute with her.

So I left her standing under the marquis of the Landmark without a second thought. I needed to get away from her, to clear my thoughts, to breathe again.

My steps were quick as I made my way along the sidewalk. I kept a brisk pace, my heart rate steadily climbing from the exertion. The cold air shocked my lungs, staggering my intake of air, but I was grateful for the reassuring expansion and contraction of my chest cavity.

It meant that I had survived.

It meant that Bella didn't win.

My heart may have taken a beating back there but I knew that I would live to fight another day – for her, for _us_…

Or maybe it meant that I needed to renew my gym membership.

Either way, I was fucking hopeless.

I stopped at a street corner to catch my breath and surveyed my surroundings.

Lo and behold, the neon sign above 'The Alley' nightclub beckoned me from less than a block away. The same nightclub where Bella et al will arrive any minute now.

Hopeless indeed.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

'The Alley' was your typical 'hole-in-the-wall' nightclub. The walls of the dimly-lit entryway were covered with overlapping flyers and posters advertising past, present, and upcoming featured acts. A low-key bouncer checked my ID before I was granted entrance to the club. Too-skinny girls in spandex and barely-there mini-skirts loitered in the narrow hallway, making it difficult (but not unpleasant) to reach the main bar area. It was still early – only a few minutes past ten - so the bar wasn't as packed as I knew it was going to be in a couple of hours. A canned mix of Top 40 music wafted through the loud speakers as the deejay set up his MacBook and mixer in the rear of the club. Two patrons made easy conversation with the beautiful ladies that tended the bar. One of the ladies began to walk toward me as I grabbed an empty stool at the bar. I couldn't bear to look her in the eye.

"Hey there, handsome. What can I get for you?"

_It's time to bring out the big guns…_

"A shot of Cuervo… Make it a double...," I told her, keeping my eyes trained on the bar top.

"Whatever you say, boss," she replied with the hint of a smile in her voice.

The bartender dipped under the bar and pulled out two short shot glasses and a bottle of my favorite tequila. "Rough night?" She asked with a slight chuckle.

"You could say that…." I watched intently as each glass was filled with bitter liquor, anxious to feel its burn as it traveled down my throat.

"Wanna talk about it?" She sounded sincere… but I wasn't in the mood tonight.

I grabbed a shot glass and drowned it quickly, slamming it down on the table top when I was done. The Cuervo didn't go down smoothly; I didn't expect it to. It dulled my black widow's sting, though.

I finally chanced a look at the beautiful bartender. My eyes traveled from the shot glass in my hand to the vee of her cleavage as it was exposed by her tight, black shirt… up the column of her olive-tinged neck… to the smirk that graced her lips… and the fire that danced in her eyes.

And, in the blink of an eye, that fire was gone.

"I guess not," she replied flippantly, wiping down the bar between us.

I wonder what she saw in my eyes that made her grow cold….

_Stop being such a dick, Cullen…_

"Wait," I barked, reaching for her hand as she turned to greet another patron. Her eyes shot up expectantly.

"I, uh…. I don't mean to be rude but… I'm not in a talking mood right now. Thanks but no thanks, ah…" I said, searching for a nametag.

"Angela," she smiled.

_Pretty name…._

"Angela…. Thanks." I tried to smile back.

"Don't sweat it." She winked in response, and then went on to fill someone else's drink order.

I grabbed my second shot and tipped it back like a pro. I waited a few moments for the numbness to settle over my body but it wasn't coming fast enough. Out of alcohol and out of luck, I waived Angela over for a refill.

"Take it easy there, stud. You're pounding 'em back kinda hard. How about a beer instead?"

Remembering the Rochefort I had earlier, maybe Angela's suggestion wasn't so bad…

"Sure, Angela. Can I get a Rochefort?"

"A _what?_"

Now she _really_ thought I was crazy.

"A Rochefort."

"Sorry, uh…. "

_Oh, yeah. I didn't tell her my name._

"Edward…"

"_Edward_," she smiled. "We don't serve that here."

"Then just give me a microbrew. Bottle, if you have it."

Angela eyed me suspiciously but gave me a nice cold one to nurse while I sat at the bar.

I put the ice cold glass to my lips and took a sip. Piss indeed.

_Lars, where are you when I need you?_

"Masen...," I heard a big, booming voice say above the fray. I turned toward the sound and was not surprised by its source.

"Hey, man," I said as I greet my friend with a firm hand clasp and a shoulder pat. "Didn't think you were coming out tonight."

"Well, what can I say? The big guy's gotta have fun sometime," he said while sporting his trademark grin. He gladly took the empty bar stool to my right and made himself comfortable. "Rough night?"

_Déjà vu…_

"You could say that." I took a quick pull from my bottle and rested it atop the bar, cupping the chilled bottle with both hands. I continued to stare at the bottletop, watching the condensation collect around its lip.

"Well, _shit,_ Masen…. Who pissed in _your_ beer?"

_Interesting choice of words…_

"It's nothing, man…"

"Let me guess. It's the mystery girl, isn't it?"

I didn't have to say a word. My silence spoke volumes.

"Stop crying in your fucking beer, man." He grabbed the bottle out of my hand and moved it out of my reach. "You know what you need?"

I huffed in deadpan frustration. "No, Em… What do I need…." I called Angela back over and pointed to my empty shot glass, needing a refill.

"You need to stop wallowing in this shit and move on. At the present moment, you are surrounded by dozens of drunk, gorgeous babes. Pick one, take her home, and fuck her until you forget about what's-her-name…"

Angela sauntered over to us, her eyes trained on my big friend. "Is he with you?"

Em responded in kind, smirking at our gorgeous bartender. "Yeah, I got him."

"Keep an eye on him," she told Em as she quickly filled my shot glass and grabbed a bottle for my friend. There was a note of concern in her eyes but she didn't linger for too long, soon moving on to the next patron.

"It's not that easy, Em."

"What do you _mean_ 'it's not that easy'? Getting laid will solve all of your problems."

"Getting laid _caused_ all of my problems." I downed my third shot in one gulp.

"Good point," he conceded as I slammed my empty shot glass on the bar top. "All I'm saying, Masen, is that you need to forget about your dream girl and move on to the next girl. Drinking isn't going to solve your problems. Find a suitable distraction, get her number, and then worry about 'finding your soul mate' and all that other froo-froo shit some other night. Actually… I think I may have found one for you," he said conspiratorially, pointing to the end of the bar.

A buxom strawberry blonde was looking in our direction. She waved at us and, being the nice guy that I am, I waived back.

"She's not my type, man."

Emmett brought the bottle to his lips but hesitated before taking a sip. "And the girl who kicked your ass to the curb _is_ your type?"

I thought about it briefly before I responded. "Honestly? Yeah, she is."

"You're right," Em replied sarcastically. "You don't need to get laid. You're _already_ fucked."

I nodded in solemn agreement, taking another long drag of my beer.

"Look, man. It doesn't matter if she's your type or not. It's all about getting back on the wagon. It's not about the destination, man; it's about the journey."

"You're quoting Homer, Em?"

"Well, he got a lot of ass while he was at sea…"

_Leave it to Emmett to use his background in classical literature for sexual gain… _

"But you're forgetting one important point."

"What's that?"

"Even after the epic battles at Troy, the advances of countless seductresses, numerous trials at sea, and twenty years apart, Penelope was the only woman in Odysseus's heart…"

Emmett sighed in disgust. "You're depressing me, man. Stop being a pussy and go for it." He nudged my shoulder, pushing me toward the unsuspecting woman at the end of the bar. "She's _winking_ at you, Masen… _go_…"

I took one last quick look down the bar and decided…. Why the hell not?

"Alright, alright," I conceded, laughing at his enthusiasm. "I'll go talk to her."

"That's my boy," Emmett smiled.

Thankful for the 'liquid courage', I rose to my feet and began the short walk to the end of the bar.

_Well, here goes nothing…._

The mystery redhead's eyes followed me as I make my way toward her. She smiled demurely but her outfit for the night was anything _but _demure – a skin-tight v-neck blouse that 'accentuated' her ample cleavage. She ran her fingers through her over-teased hair as I came closer, seemingly more and more excited the closer I came. When I finally reached her, she was practically bouncing out of her seat.

_Not my type _at all…

"Hi, I'm Vicki with an 'I'…," she told me, extending her hand in greeting.

"I'm Edward… with an 'H'…," I replied, offering my hand as well.

My joke must have confused her because she stared at me blankly for a moment.

"The 'H' is silent…."

Still… nothing….

"That was a _joke_…," I explained slowly.

"Oh, ha ha… that was funny," she answered in that fake laugh-speak that drives me up a wall.

_God help me, Em owes me big time…_

I tried to start up some small talk with her but it was pointless. Vicki was all boobs and no substance.

"Wanna dance, Edward?" She stood to her feet and grabbed my bicep in an attempt to drag me to the dance floor.

_Why the hell not…_

"Sure, Vicki," I offered. At least we wouldn't have to talk on the dance floor.

Now, I'm no Fred Astaire, but I was not prepared for Vicki's moves on the dance floor. She must have had a few drinks before I approached her because she was a hellcat out there, groping and grinding and swinging her hair to the beat of the music. I tried to control her a bit, placing my hands on her hips to calm her down, but that seemed to incite her even more. When Vicki _finally _excused herself to 'powder her nose' – which could have meant _many_ different things – I made my way back to the bar with my drink.

Angela chimed in as soon as I sat down. "She's a regular. Very… forward, if you know what I mean…"

"I could tell. Definitely not my type."

"Oh really? Then what exactly _would_ be your type?" She propped her chin on her open right palm as her elbow rested on the bar top. She tossed her burgundy hair over her left shoulder and idly trailed her left hand down her neck to with the top button of her collared shirt.

Her ring finger was obviously bare and I think she _definitely_ wanted me to know she was available.

_Is Angela hitting on me? Hmmm….._

_I guess if I'm going to get Bella out of my mind, I might as well give it the 'ol' college try'…._

"Well," I began, mimicking her posture, "I like a woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it… someone who is smart, funny, sexy, down-to-earth…"

"That sounds nice and all, but… you can't see a pretty brain or a great sense of humor from afar. Outward appearance is more of a determiner when approaching someone for the first time. What qualities do you find _physically_ attractive, Edward?" She smiled at me and I _had _to smile back.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Angela, but outward appearance is not the end-all-be-all for me. You have no idea how beautiful someone truly is until you get to know them a little better."

"Well, a bar isn't necessarily the best place to meet someone. Your gal pal Vicki over there? Case in point..."

"Very true, but sometimes you get lucky…," I smiled.

"In more ways than one…" She smirked at me and I had to put my bottle to my lips to avoid the shit-eating grin that was attempting to spread across my face.

Her smile was infectious. She was genuinely beautiful.

Angela pushed herself away from the bar and went back to wiping down the counter between us. "Well, Edward, for what it's worth… the unfortunate woman who broke your heart was a fool to let you go…"

I was taken aback by her statement. "Wha… How did you…?"

"I'm a bartender. When men want to get sloshed, it's usually due to one of three things: work, money, or women."

"I see...," I replied, taking another swig of my beer.

Angela leaned a little closer to me, lowering her voice to a whisper. "And your friend sorta tipped me off. He has a big mouth. You don't seem like the 'fuck 'em and leave 'em' type."

"Thanks," I chuckled.

"I need to… um…," she spoke softly, gesturing to the crowd that had amassed at the bar.

I raised my beer bottle and tipped it toward her. "I'll be here."

She smiled and made her way down the bar.

_Wow… maybe Em was right…_, I thought, my eyes following Angela as she poured drinks and popped bottles.

I spun around in my chair to get a better view of the dance floor. By this time, the club was packed – not surprising for a Saturday night. Tons of girls in barely-there skirts and fuck-me heels… and plenty of men waiting to take them home.

As my eyes scanned the crowd, I found my sister Allie cozying up to some guy on the dance floor– Jazz, I presume. They were a little _too_ close for comfort, if you ask me. Tonight is not the night to grill my sister's new boytoy. With the amount of alcohol in my system and my mood slightly depressed from what happened earlier tonight, I might just pummel the guy for no reason.

Emmett was chatting it up with a gorgeous blonde standing at the end of the bar. She was tall and leggy – seemingly made just for Emmett. At least _he_ will get lucky tonight.

And then I saw her…

My Bella, dripping of sex and zinfandel, grinding against some sleazy-looking guy a mere twenty feet away.

_My God…_

Her knees were bent low, her hands buried in her hair. She was lost in the rhythm of the music and the hypnotic pulse of the room. The guy behind her was clearly enjoying the view and her… enthusiasm.

_That must be her friend, Lee… Lucky fucking bastard…._

Then her eyes locked on mine.

She _knew_ I was watching her… and she smiled in acknowledgement of her mini-victory.

I couldn't help myself. She was smoldering, fluid, breathtakingly sinful… and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

Bella began to put on a show just for me. The spark in her eye was calculatedly devious and equally as deadly.

Her left arm craned back and cupped around her partner's neck, pulling his head down to whisper in his ear. Her eyes remained trained on me as the stranger wrapped his right hand around her hipbone and pulled her even tighter to him. Her left hand must have wound its way through his curly locks because I then saw him bury his nose in her hair at the crook of her neck…

My hand gripped the bar tighter as she tossed her head back and giggled heartily, allowing the luck bastard an even better view of her plump cleavage.

_Fuck_…

Bella knew the effect she had on me and was more than willing to exploit her knowledge of my psyche.

The man's hands held her tighter and began to roam up her small ribcage. Sensing his ascent, the fingers of her right hand covered his roaming hands so he wouldn't roam too far…

_Always cognizant of the boundaries…._

But it didn't keep his free left hand from inching toward her supple breast.

I nearly blew my gasket.

That was _my_ breast.

_My_ hand should be the only hand that touched her there.

Yet she continued her seduction of her willing victim, egging him on by burying her nose in the side of his neck and rubbing her ass against his rigid cock.

Her movements were downright erotic. All I wanted to do was rip her from that demon's claws and mark her for everyone to see. I wanted to caress her breast, to bury my nose in her essence, to pull her ass against my cock so she could feel the effect she was having on _me…_

Suddenly her head snapped forward and I was trapped in her gaze once again. She licked her lips greedily, beckoning me to her with just one look.

I had to go to her.

I had to take what was mine.

I slowly rose to my feet, trying to control my urge to pummel her fucking friend and drag her back to my car for a more intimate dance. My gait was hesitant but focused, determined yet carefully restrained. Her eyes never left mine as I approached her on the dance floor.

She seemed to be encouraged by my uncontrollable draw to her. Her hips never stopped their seduction. Her hands continued to hold her partner's lips against her neck. Her eyes were mere slits, seemingly lost in pleasure, but her gaze continued to pierce right through me.

_Just a few more steps…._

My fingers were itching to touch her… my throat went dry just thinking about the salty sheen that graced her skin, how it would taste on my tongue, the cries that would leave her throat as I held her close…

_Almost there…_

She had me and she knew it. I tried – I really tried – but I refused to deny myself any longer.

When I was finally close enough to touch her, I reached for her right wrist and gently extricated her hand from her friend's grasp.

She did not fight me.

She came willingly.

I smiled in triumph as Lee attempted to shake himself out of Bella's trance. I pulled her to me, walking her backward toward the bar. I was too wound up to say _anything_… so I let my body speak for me.

And all my body wanted was to feel _all _of her… and for _her_ to feel all of _me…._

I pressed her body to mine as I carefully walked us through the thick crowd of partygoers and recreational drinkers.

Once I finally reached the bar, all of the stools were taken. Fortunately, I was able to find some room at the end of the bar – _standing _room, that is. I claimed the small strip of bar top for myself and rested my weight against it. Bella eyed me curiously as I continued to pull her toward me.

"Edward," she breathed, not taking her eyes off of mine. "Don't write a check your body can't cash."

"Who said I wasn't good for it? The question is… are _you_?" I breathed into her. My calm exterior betrayed my overwhelming desire to claim her.

The music was loud and the beat continued to pulse heavily around us. Bella, still caught up in the bass, turned her body and nestled her ass tight against my crotch. She pressed her body firmly against mine and my head instinctively buried itself in the crook of her neck. Her scent, her warmth, her caress… they enveloped me like a warm blanket and I didn't want to let her go. And when those deadly hips began to swirl against mine, all common sense flew out the window. I grabbed her hips with both hands as she moved to the beat, awakening my cock and distracting me momentarily.

"Fuck, Bella… You know what that does to me…," I whispered in her ear, gently brushing my lips against her exposed neck.

"Yes, I do," she replied, a smile evident in her voice.

She felt so good… and the alcohol was not helping my resolve. To an innocent bystander, nothing probably seemed amiss; Bella and I were just two people having a private conversation at the bar. My heart and my cock, on the other hand, were nowhere nearly as civil. They were battling with one another – who should have her? Who _would _have her? At the moment, my cock was putting up one hell of a fight….

I needed to end this quickly and painlessly. I couldn't stand her brand of torture any longer.

I regain my voice and remove my hands from her hips, hoping to regain some control in this situation. "Then you know we can't do this."

"Right…. _We _can't do this_,_" she said, punctuating each of her words with another swivel of her hips. "But I _can._"

"Bella...," I scold her, attempting to push her lower body away from mine but she refused to budge. In fact, I think my refusal made her even _more_ aggressive. Bella pressed her ass a little tighter against my crotch and I couldn't stop the grunt that escaped through my clenched teeth.

"I know what I want, Edward. Don't make me beg," she pleaded, her voice dripping with arousal.

_Why am I pushing her away again?_

_Oh yeah. She doesn't take my love seriously._

_Fuck._

"I'm not interested."

Bella finally turned to face me, her hands firmly planted atop the bar. She raised herself on tiptoe, deliberately sliding her body along mine as she brought her lips level with my ear.

"So you're playing 'hard-to-get' tonight? I'm game if you are…"

_Stay firm, Cullen…._

"I mean it, Bella. I'm not in the mood tonight."

She rolled back on her heels, her eyes full of fire and focused on me. "What is _wrong_ with you? You've never pushed me away like that before."

I lowered my eyes, suddenly shy. "Things have changed."

"Like what, Edward? _What_ has changed?"

I met her eyes again, hoping to convey how I truly felt. "Stop playing stupid, Bella. You know where I stand with you."

"Yeah. I know where you _stand_. You're fucking delusional."

I scoffed at her, attempting unsuccessfully to control my temper. "_Me_? _Delusional_? It seems that _I'm_ the only one who is acknowledging the truth here."

"_Whatever_, Edward," she replied, blowing me off. "Are we gonna fuck tonight or not?"

"Not."

"Not _yet…_," she sang as she reached out to grab my dick.

I brushed her hand away before she could make contact and turned toward the bar, dropping a couple of bills to settle my tab. "Angela, I'm outta here."

Angela slid down the bar to pick up the bills. "Thanks, Edward. Let me get your change."

"Keep it," I told her.

She graced me with another smile. "Come back soon, alright?"

_She's flirting, Cullen… go with it…._

"Only when you're here…."

"Fridays and Saturdays." And, with a wink, she went off to attend to another customer.

I pushed myself away from the bar, ignoring Bella's glare as I walked toward the exit and into the cold Seattle air once again.

I let the cold, moist air sober me up as I made the six-block trek back to my car.

The slight chill in my bones meant that I was alive.

Bella's sting wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

I would live another day….and, hopefully, I will love again.

* * *

**An extra-long chapter because I made you wait an extra-long time… my apologies. BUT your next update will be sooner than you think…. Follow me on twitter (dyenessa) or facebook (Dyenessa Cullen) for updates and teasers. And tell your fellow TwiPeeps about 'Two Wants'… I absolutely ADORE new readers and new perspectives….**

**I am so grateful to each and every one of you who continues to support this story. Again, this story would not have continued from a lonely one-shot without your support. I do plan on participating in a couple of contests soon. Most of my writing will be written anonymously (it adds to the suspense) but I hope you will all read and vote.**

**Hmmm… a lot went on in this chapter indeed.**

**A possible new love interest for our heartbroken friend….?**

**Edward holds his ground against a horny Bella….?**

**The green-eyed monster makes an appearance….? (And I don't mean Vicki… with an 'I'…)**

**Emmett loves classical lit….?**

**Lee makes an appearance….?**

**A Bella outtake of Chapter 14 will be posted soon. I think BPOV from this chapter will answer a few questions for you guys… **

**Chapter 15 is EPOV and I promise you it will NOT disappoint. I've been smut-lite lately. That **_**will**_** change…. Story alert, author alert… you know the drill. You don't want to miss it.**

**Reviews are like a tipsy, frustrated Edward pressed against your bottom in a crowded nightclub. SCHWING! Even smiley faces make my day. :) Good, bad, or indifferent, I would love to hear from you. **

**As for the next 'Two Wants' update… you will hear from **_**me**_** VERY soon. **

**Ciao, bbs! :)**


	15. Now You See Him

**Lengthy author's note at the end. Thanks as always for your patience. :)**

**And thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm and CullenDLite for your help!**

**BPOV**

Busy night, tonight…

A tête-à-tête with Edward over a glass of white zinfandel at the Beehive…

Jolly Ranchers and a handful of Edward's 'jolly rancher' at the Landmark…

And my dance with Edward was cut short because he couldn't handle my moves at the bar.

_And I thought we were getting somewhere, Cullen…._

After our conversation at the Landmark, I didn't know what to think. I mean, he wouldn't have entered into our 'arrangement' if he didn't want to, right? I didn't _force_ myself on him. He was a willing participant. Hell, he made the first move by suggesting that we have sex in the first place…

Now he wants to act like _he's_ the victim here? Like _I'm _taking advantage of _him_? I don't think so.

He wants me as badly as I want him… whether he cares to admit it or not.

When Allie, Jazz, Lee and I walked into the Alley earlier tonight, I didn't expect to find him there. After everything that had happened earlier, I figured that he would go to another bar or head home for the night. I honestly thought I would be able to have a carefree night with my favorite people sans Cullen's omnipresent drama.

Boy, was I wrong…

_~ Earlier in the evening ~_

"So, Bells...," Alice whispered conspiratorially in my ear during our walk over to the Alley.

"Yes, Tink?" I whispered back.

"Is it me, or has Eddie been acting a little strange lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he crashed our 'Girls' Night' last night, he _obviously_ did something to upset you in the kitchen this morning, and he left us stranded at the Landmark…"

"He didn't leave us stranded, Allie. It's not far."

"Still, he left without telling us. What has gotten _into_ him?"

"I don't know, Allie. Maybe he's having a hard time adjusting to the area."

_Or keeping his end of our 'arrangement'…_

"But that's why I invited him out tonight. He rarely gets out. He's never brought a woman over to the house…"

_He better _not_…_

"…. And who _knows_ how long it's been since he's gotten laid!"

_This afternoon… last night… tonight, if he's lucky…._

"Um, Allie? Why are you so concerned about your brother's sex life?"

Alice sighed heavily before she answered me. "I just worry about him that's all. When he moved back home, he was so… _down_, you know? He's so confused about a lot of things. When he went to school, he knew he was going to be a doctor. He loved his music. Now, he's given up on medicine and music is no longer fun for him – it's his _job_. He doesn't have anything that's 'his', you know? Nothing is certain for him right now and I can understand how scared he might be. Maybe if he had someone to spend some time with, maybe she could help him get his life in order. Maybe _she_ could get him back into his own music again. Maybe _she_ could give him something to live for."

Hmmmm. I never thought about him in that way. It has been a pretty rough couple of months for him… and I don't think my 'demands' are helping him any.

Maybe he _is _hurting…. Maybe I _am_ taking advantage of him...

_Maybe there's something I could do about it…._

"Well… what if he _was_ seeing someone…hypothetically speaking, of course?"

Allie turned to me in shock. "You mean, right now?"

I nodded.

"No way," she said, shaking her head vehemently. "He would have told me. How could he _possibly_ keep a girlfriend a secret from _me_ of all people?"

_Well….?_

"Besides, he never leaves the house except to go to work or hang out with Emmett. Trust me. If he was 'getting some' on a regular basis, he woulnd be in a much better mood. In high school, you couldn't smack that ridiculous grin off his face!" Allie chuckled at her subtle reference to Edward's high-school ho parade.

As if she had to remind me…

_Okay, this is getting a _little_ uncomfortable…_

"Um, can we change the subject?"

"Alright, ladies… looks like we're here!" Jasper held the door open for us, taking Allie's hand and lifting it over her head slightly so she wouldn't trip over the threshold.

Jasper's a really nice guy. He's as country as mullets and moonshine, but he sure knows how to treat a lady.

As I watched Allie leave with her date, Lee grabbed my hand and we began to weave our way through the already boisterous crowd.

The Alley was loud and packed. There were a few couples already on the dance floor and the bar area was filling up quickly. It was almost eleven, so the crowd would probably thicken up over the next hour or so.

Lee stopped suddenly and turned to shout in my ear, tugging me closer.

"B, I need a drink. Want anything?" I could barely hear Lee's request over the heavy bass that filled the air.

"Um, sure," I shouted back, noticing we had reached the bar. "Midori sour, please."

"Got it," Lee replied, flagging down a free bartender near the end of the bar. Knowing Lee, it wouldn't take long to get someone's attention.

"Bells?" I heard a loud, booming voice shouting my name and felt the crowd expand and contract around me. I looked around to see who it was and, lo and behold, it was Emmett. I quickly released Lee's hand and turned toward my childhood friend.

"Hi, Em! I didn't think you were coming tonight!" I gave him a thousand-watt smile and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I wouldn't miss carrying your drunk-ass home for all the money in the world," he joked. "Where's Allie?"

"Oh, she's with her new boyfriend, Jazz. I'll have to introduce you two later."

"So, you're here at the bar all by yourself?"

"No, I'm with my friend Lee tonight."

"Really?" He asked incredulously with a twinkle in his eye. "Have I met this 'friend' before? Does he treat you nice? Do I need to rough him up a bit, give him the 'don't fuck with Bella' talk?"

"No, Em," I chided, punching his shoulder playfully. "I don't think that's necessary."

"Well, can I _meet_ this friend?" He was putting on all the charm… but the mischievous gleam in his eye gave him away.

"Only if you promise to be nice…"

"Scout's honor, Bells," he grinned.

"You were _never_ a Boy Scout, Em…" I smiled back.

"I ate a lot of Girl Scout cookies, though…"

"I bet… but I really don't care to hear about your sex life, Em…."

He bowed his head bashfully and chuckled under his breath.

"Did _you _bring any eligible bachelors with you tonight?" I interrupted his brief laugh, tapping his shoulder.

"Nope, but your boy Eddie is here," Em shouted over the fray._ "_Check the dance floor. Look for a drunk redhead."

I turned toward the dance floor and a drunken flash of red caught my eye…

And guess _who_ was attached at the hip to said 'drunken flash of red'?

_Edward _is _here…_

_Fuck my life…_

Regardless of what he said earlier about wanting to have a 'serious' relationship with me, that motherfucker hasn't changed – one – bit.

_I need a fucking drink…._

I turned around and saw Lee walking in my direction with two bright green drinks in hand. I met Lee halfway, snatching a glass and tipping it back swiftly. I reached for the second but Lee swiped my hand away.

"What's gotten into you, Bells? Thirsty much?" Lee asked incredulously.

"I'm feeling a little… claustrophobic in here," I replied, smacking my empty glass atop the bar.

"Well, _this_," Lee gestured to the nearly full glass in hand, "isn't gonna help you with that. Do you want some air? I can stand outside with you, if you'd like."

"No, thanks. I just need to get away from this _fucking_ bar for a quick minute. I'll be right back." I pushed myself away from the bar and began to make my way toward the front door. Stupidly, I turned toward the dance floor once again and saw Edward humping his "tramp _du soir_" like he hadn't gotten off with _me _this morning…

Such a fucking liar….

I was _this_ close to stomping over to Edward and his ho so I could claw their eyes out when a clammy pair of hands grabbed my waist.

"Dance with me," some random goon whispered in my ear.

I tried to turn around to catch a glimpse of his face but, once I felt his package against my ass, I decided it didn't really matter _what_ he looked like. This dance was _definitely _worth my while.

I began to wiggle my ass in time with the music, allowing the pulse of the room to consume my body and control my movements. Picking up on my unspoken acknowledgement of his request, he grabbed my hips tighter and pulled me even harder against his crotch. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hands along my body, his ragged breath against my neck, his cock obviously turned on by my moves.

"Damn, baby," the stranger groaned. "You are _so_ fucking hot."

His hands began to travel along my torso, caressing my taut stomach and then sliding down along my thighs. He pushed down slightly, angling his torso forward so I would bend my knees and grind on his cock with a little more… enthusiasm. We stayed low for what seemed like an eternity. But the bass kept pumping, my body was reeling, and I could feel a certain someone's eyes on me… and I wasn't about to stop. My hamstrings were burning from the extended grind but I was incredibly turned on by the cock nestled against my ass and the jealous gaze of an old friend.

Overheated and slightly achy from our dancing, I stood a little straighter and turned my head towards the pair of eyes that spied me from the bar.

Sure enough, Edward's eyes were focused on the hypnotic stir of my hips and the dangerously low neckline of my top. I made sure to bend a little lower so he could catch a brief glimpse of the crest of my tits and the shit-eating grin on my face.

He pretended like he didn't see me out here, so I decided to egg him on a bit. I dropped my hips low, bending at the knees and slowly grinding my way back up the stranger's body. My hands smoothed their way from atop my thighs and over my breasts to caress the stranger's full, curly locks.

I pulled his head into the crook of my neck, all the while keeping my eyes trained on Edward, and whispered, "Are you enjoying yourself back there?"

The stranger placed a light kiss alongside my neck and grunted his approval. The position gave him an excellent view of my ample bosom, and I guess my words encouraged his roving hands to sample the bounty.

_Not so fast, lover boy…._

When his hands came a little _too_ close to the girls, I promptly grabbed his wrists and eased them downward.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk…. _I'm _in control here," I crooned. "Don't forget that."

He seemed complacent enough. Instead of causing a scene, he placed his hands on my hips like a good little boy and enjoyed the ride.

Edward, on the other hand, seemed a little… unnerved by my movements on the dance floor. Jealousy and want were written all over his face.

_Time to put the poor boy out of his misery…._

I beckoned him over, crooking a finger in his direction. It seemed as if he was waging a war within his head… but, eventually, he made his way to me. I could make out the slight bulge in his pants. My mouth watered at the prospect.

When he grabbed my wrist, I went with him willingly. My dance partner was promptly forgotten.

Regardless of the many mixed signals he sent me throughout the evening, I _would_ have Edward Cullen tonight….

_~ Present time ~_

… yet I watched in awe as Edward stormed out of The Alley like a petulant child.

I'm not worried. This was merely a _minor_ complication.

I _would_ finish what we started and Edward would enjoy every single minute of it.

I was going to get what I wanted… whether he believed it or not.

"Can I get you something?" A strong female voice asked from behind the bar. I turned to come face-to-face with the lady bartender Edward greeted earlier. She tried to size me up quickly without me noticing it, but I caught her ogling my breasts as I turned to face her. A smug smile graced her faux-friendly face; I _knew_ the bitch saw my confrontation with Edward. Clearly, the woman thought she was better than me. Clearly, she assumed that Edward chose _her_ over _me._

_Clearly_, she was mistaken.

I quickly dismissed her as a possible challenge and regained my confident swagger. "Double shot of Patron, please."

"You got it," the female bartender replied shortly.

I returned my gaze to the front door to see if I could spot him… to no avail. There were too many people hanging around the bar to get a clear view of the dance floor mere steps from me, let alone the entrance.

Disappointed, I rested my weight against the bar.

So _maybe _it wasn't the 'best' idea to antagonize Edward at the Beehive earlier tonight…

Or molest him during the movie at the Landmark…

Or 'bump and grind' on him at the bar…

But it sure felt good in the moment.

To know that I have _that _kind of power over him… I couldn't help but feel…

Incredibly and uncontrollably horny.

I will not let Cullen ruin my night tonight.

I _will_ get laid…

Now where the fuck did he go?

"Having fun tonight?"

_Damn bartender…._

I huffed in frustration at her interruption and turned back to her to answer her question. "Maybe after these two shots," I replied, grabbing one of the shot glasses and downing it quickly. I prayed the alcohol hit me quickly. There was no way I could tolerate any more of Edward Cullen's newest fan club president without a good buzz coursing through my veins.

"Well, there are some _really_ hot guys here tonight," she smiled.

"Like the one that just left?" I hitched my thumb toward the door.

"Oh yeah," she chuckled knowingly, reminding me of the Kool-Aid man. "He _was_ pretty hot… _too _hot for words, if you ask me…"

"I noticed. He didn't say very much." I deadpanned.

"Well, he had a _lot_ to say when the bar was quieter. We had a nice little conversation," she smiled again.

_Bitch._

"Really?" I asked, my eyebrow clearly raised in skepticism. "Do you know anything about him?"

"Not really. He's a newcomer. His name was Edward, I think. He had a couple of drinks earlier and we talked a bit. Seemed like a sweet guy but he's taken."

"I see...," I nodded, playing along.

"You don't have anything to worry about, though. There are plenty of guys here who are more… _your type_. I have a feeling you'll get lucky tonight," she assured me.

_Little does _she_ know…._

I picked up the second shot glass and tipped it in her direction. "Thanks for the encouragement."

I tipped the glass back as the hair-brained bartender bopped away to greet another patron and let the cool liquor trickle down my throat.

_Yep… she's his type, alright…_

I dropped a twenty on the bar, hollered a quick "keep the change", and hustled my way through the crowd toward the front entrance. Hopefully, I could still catch him….

Unfortunately, I was out of luck. The only people out in front of the bar were the bouncer and a woman hoping she would be his next conquest. She was unabashedly draped all over him. He didn't seem to mind.

Mildly disappointed, I pulled out my phone to check the time. It was after 2 AM; the last bus to Freemont had already made its way through the neighborhood.

I sent a quick text to Lee:

_Heading home. Not feeling well. Will call a cab. – B_

Since it _was_ late, I didn't expect to stand outside in the cold for too long. It was starting to drizzle, so I flipped up the hood of my raincoat and let my hair hang low to catch a cabbie's attention. Cabs usually troll this strip to pick up any responsible – and irresponsible – drunkards. I looked halfway respectable, so a cabbie didn't have to worry about getting gypped on his fare.

My phone buzzed and I opened it quickly:

_Hope u feel better. Will catch a ride from 'a new friend'. – Lee_

I smiled weakly. Well, at least _one _of us had a good time tonight.

The events of the evening and the late hour suddenly hit me and I could barely keep myself standing. I waved my hand as I stood at the curb, hoping to grab the yellow cab that crept slowly down the street. I clearly caught its attention, because it slowed to a stop at my feet.

I climbed in quickly, pulling the door shut behind me.

An older gentleman turned to greet me from his seat behind the wheel, flashing me a toothy grin as I slid my ass along his cold leather back seat. He was probably thankful for the company – and the fare, of course.

"Where to, Miss?"

"U District."

After I gave him my address, he nodded politely and turned his attention back to the road. He pushed a couple of buttons on his dash and I saw the fare creep upwards as he pulled away from The Alley.

I closed my eyes and let my head fall back to rest against the rear of the seat. I grabbed my familiar pendant with my right hand as it dangled from my neck, allowing the stones to calm me as it has for so many years. I took in a deep breath through my nose, releasing it slowly from between my parted lips. I concentrated on the sound of the tires as they rolled down the half-deserted streets of midtown Seattle. I could hear the wetness of the road as it met the cool rubber of the tires and prayed that it stopped raining by the time we finally made it back to my place. Since I didn't live _too_ far away from the bar, I knew the trip would be a quick one.

I was jerked out of my calmed state as the cab suddenly came to a screeching halt. My eyes grew wide at the site that was before me.

The cabbie was screaming obscenities at a strange man who was standing in the middle of the street. The two were exchanging words but I couldn't make out what the stranger was saying. As he shouted at the cabbie, the man came to my side of the cab and knocked briskly on my window. The rain obstructed my view, so I couldn't make out the face of the stranger. I promptly ensured that my door was locked and scooted away from the offending man and rested my back against the opposite door….

_Damn drunk…._

I thought I was safe until the door flew open behind me…

I turned suddenly, bracing my arms against the front passenger seat and the rear seat. I leaned back slightly and raised my feet so that the heels of my boots were poised and ready to attack if necessary. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins, my heart racing and bracing me for what was to come. If I was about to be assaulted in the back seat of a yellow cab, I wasn't going down without a fight.

"Bella," I heard the man sigh and I _swore_ I knew that voice….

The stranger bent down to door level and revealed his gorgeous face.

_It's him…._

"Edward?" His name escaped my lips in a forceful exhale. "You scared the _shit_ out of me."

"I can't keep myself away from you," he sighed in apology.

"Then don't," I whispered, the fight finally leaving my body. He stared me down for what felt like an eternity before I lowered my legs and sat upright in the back seat. "Get in."

"It's okay. I know him," I told the cabbie as I slid over to give Edward room to scoot inside.

The cabbie simply shook his head and whispered, "Kids today," before putting the cab back in gear.

What the _fuck _is happening here? How did he know where I was? Where is his car? How did he know I was in _this fucking cab_? He started mumbling some shit about his battery, but I was too tired to figure him out.

"Edward, I'm tired," I sighed, hoping he got the hint that I wasn't in the mood for his bullshit.

"I'm tired, too, Bella…. I'm tired of fighting this. I'm tired of fighting my feelings for you."

My head fell back against the seat in defeat. I thought I had escaped his tirade for the night. Maybe I should have left his sorry ass in the middle of the street.

"Your _feelings_?" I tried to hide my sarcasm, but I was too tired to care about his feelings. I threw my hands up in exasperation and let them flop back to my sides. "Edward, if you had _feelings_ for me, I _think_ they would have made themselves apparent sooner than right this moment."

"Well," he replied, "I'm not the only one guilty of hiding their feelings…."

My head jerked up at his implication. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Bella," he started, fully turning his body toward mine, "I don't believe that the sex is completely meaningless to you. Because, if it was, you would find someone else to get it. But… you don't. You want me…. And _only_ me. It explains why you're so aggressive about keeping our relationship the way it is."

I shook my head forcefully, my hands tightening into fists. "That's not true…."

I could see the outline of his form as he shook his head in rebuttal. "Then explain it to me, because I… I honestly don't get it."

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears NOT to fall. Five years of anger began bubbling to the surface and I was not about to let him see how deeply he affected me.

Edward whispered into the darkness that surrounded us. "Bella, why won't you let me lo—"

My eyes flew open at his almost-admission and I stared him down so he would feel the full force of my words. "Don't you _dare_ say the word, Cullen. You don't know _shit_ about love," I bit back quickly.

"But I _want_ to, God help me, I want to… _with you_," Edward declared with conviction.

Completely spent by this conversation, my head fell back against the seat again. I had no more energy to keep my tears at bay.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Edward?" I opened my eyes and stared at the dingy ceiling of the cab. I couldn't bear to look at him; me feelings were undoubtedly written all over my face.

I could hear him moving closer to me on the seat. He was so close I could smell traces of his cologne and his sweet, unmistakable scent. Edward leaned his head against the back seat, keeping his eyes trained on me as he spoke. Despite my frustration with him, his sweet-sounding timbre caused an uncontrollable stirring in me that I could not deny.

Edward lowered his voice – in sound and tone – and spoke straight to my heart. "I want you…to be honest with yourself. To be honest with _me_, Bella. Look at me." He crooked a finger under my chin and gently swiveled it around so that he could see my face. I vehemently refused to meet his eyes. "What do _you_ want, Bella Swan? What do _you_ need?"

"I don't know," I whispered, shaking my head again.

"Yes, you _do_," he replied, unrelenting."You just don't want to admit it to yourself."

I felt the subtle heat emanating from his hand as it left my chin and hovered in a ghost-like caress at my cheek. I could feel his breath as it fanned across my lips. He wanted to kiss me… but he seemed unsure. My own lips parted expectantly.

He hesitated, unsure if his kiss was wise or even wanted.

"Tell me, Bella," he whispered into the night against my lips. My tongue darted out and wetted my lips in anticipation. "Just say the words and you can have me."

Did I want him to kiss me? Did I want more than _this?_ My mind was reeling from his words and his scent. My defenses were destroyed. I was tired of arguing, tired of fighting.

His eyes were fully concentrated on me. I could feel him willing my eyes to open, to see the emotion in his eyes and his obvious desire for me. But I refused to give in to him.

The only thing I knew at that moment was that that I needed him to kiss me. I was absolutely desperate for his kiss…

_Please, Edward…._

His heavy sigh and the sudden absence of his warmth made his thoughts abundantly clear. I heard the creak of the leather seat as it gave under his weight, giving me the space I wasn't entirely sure I wanted.

My mouth went dry and a large lump formed in the back of my throat. My shoulders slumped in defeat. He may have added only a foot of space between us but it felt like his body and mind were miles away from mine.

"When you're ready to talk," Edward whispered, "you know where to find me." I felt him tug gently on my left hand, bringing my open palm to waist level. When the familiar weight of our shared stone met my upturned palm, I closed my hand into a fist and prayed for the clarity I hoped would come.

My body jerked against my will and I opened my eyes.

I was home, the cab jerking to a complete stop in front of my building.

And I was alone in the back seat.

No Edward.

My right fist still held the pendant that dangled from my neck. I opened my clenched left fist to find four crescent-like impressions in the meat of my palm.

No moonstone.

Just me… and the worried-looking cabbie.

"That'll be $10.75, Miss." The cabbie looked at me expectantly.

A rush of emotions flooded me. My eyes welled up at what I _thought_ had transpired mere moments ago.

I was relieved but devastated…

Thankful but regretful…

Disappointed but determined.

"Miss?" The cabbie was very concerned by my lack of response. "Are you alright?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and choked out my reply. "Yeah. I'm fine." I grabbed for my purse but, as I counted my cash on hand, I suddenly decided that home was not where I wanted to be. I cleared my throat, regaining my composure as I made my final decision.

"Um, sir?" I leaned forward over the front seat and handed the cabbie two twenty-dollar bills. "Slight change of plans. Can you take on another fare?"

The cabbie smiled at the extra money and said, "Sure, sweetheart. Where to?"

"9706 Frank Tippett Road, Queen Anne," I told him, without hesitation or remorse.

"Do you need to get anything from here, Miss?"

"No. Just go before I change my mind."

Since I'm already going to hell, I might as well have a little fun along the way.

The cabbie pulled off without a second guess.

I didn't look back.

**Soooooo….**

**It's been an awfully long time since I have updated on this (and my other) stories. A lot has changed over the past year – got engaged, fiancé moved in, got married, bought a house and moved, and began to really focus on my dissertation. I haven't forgotten about you all… and I thank each and every one of you who have alerted, recommended, reviewed, and sent me messages of encouragement. You all rock!**

**This chapter has been sitting on my hard drive for months… There was a part of me that was unsure exactly **_**where**_** I wanted this story to go and, after writing and rewriting and creating new outlines, I decided to stay true to my original outline and finish it the way I intended. I probably have another five chapters to go outside of this one with additional possible outtakes and alternate POVs. I want to focus on my other story, 'Redux', which I am SUPER excited about… so stay tuned for more!**

**As always, drop me a line and let me know what you think – good, bad, or indifferent. Please let me know you're still out there and if you like where the story is headed!**

**- dye**


	16. Lost and Found

**Hi, everybody!**

**I want to thank EVERYONE who read and reviewed Chapter 15… you guys are AWESOME! I know I promised this chapter a while ago but I had a little vacation in San Diego and a little event called Comic-Con that distracted me. It took me a while to get readjusted to Eastern Daylight Time, but I AM BACK! **

**And, for all of those who have been waiting for the smut to return…. You're welcome. LOL**

**Please read and review. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**EPOV**

_~Two Months Earlier~_

"Hiding from me, Cullen?"

I was broken out of my reverie by one of the sweetest voices I had ever heard. I turned from my perch atop the waist-high ledge of our rooftop patio to greet my visitor's telltale smirk.

"Bella, you _know_ I don't _do_ parties."

It was a beautiful night in Seattle, for a change. Bella's company during my 'little reprieve' only made it better.

Bella seemingly floated to my side as she crooned her rebuttal. "True, but this is your sister's party. Come celebrate with us."

After two years of apprenticing for Claudette Thoreaux in her Seattle shop, Alice was finally being given an opportunity to showcase her own work. I am so proud of her. Alice has dreamed of becoming a big-time fashion designer ever since I've known her. I'm glad my baby sis is finally getting a chance to branch out on her own… even if it _is_ just for one show. She will have her first runway show in three months consisting of her best twelve pieces. Given the many sketches Allie has made over the years, selecting the 'final twelve' may be a difficult decision for her. But, for tonight, she and about twenty of her closest fashion friends are here to celebrate her accomplishment.

"I know, but Allie doesn't need her prodigal brother stealing her thunder."

It had only been a couple of months since I moved into Allie's place but I hadn't met many of her friends. I didn't feel too comfortable around _her_ people.

"We are talking about _your_ sister, right? You know good and well that _no one_ can steal _that_ girl's thunder," Bella smiled.

"True," I chuckled.

"She sent me to come get you, you know. She wants to share this moment with you. She misses her 'baby brother'."

_Here we go again with this 'baby brother' crap…_

"Bells, you know..."

"I know, Eddie... I'm just relaying the message," she joked, punching my shoulder lightly.

I held my shoulder in mock pain and returned her knowing smile. "Are _you_ at least having fun down there?"

Bella shrugged. "I don't know many of Allie's artsy-fartsy friends. My kind of art and _their_ kind of art aren't necessarily of the same yolk, if you know what I mean."

"Maybe that's why _I _didn't feel all that comfortable down there."

"Well, at least we have each other. We can keep each other company," she smiled at the skyline.

_In many different ways_, I mused.

It was really hard to _not _to read in her words when our friendship was anything _but _typical. As much as I missed our purely platonic relationship from years ago, I was not ready to give up our highly addictive sexual relationship.

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't refer to it as a 'relationship,' since we've only had sex _twice_.

But God help me if I didn't want to touch her like that again.

To kiss her sweet lips, to worship her body, to feel her writhing below me, on top of me, surrounding me…

"Earth to Edward," a playful Bella sang into my ear, her zinfandel-scented breath bringing me back to the present.

I laughed to myself as I brought my own half-full glass of a dry white wine to my lips.

_This woman will most certainly be the death of me._

"Were you like this at Dartmouth?" Bella added, staring at me intently.

The close proximity of her body and her full lips was making me dizzy. I decided that it would be wise to put some space between us.

"I never really found any people that really 'got me'," I told her as I slid off of the ledge and took two small steps away from her, stopping at the corner where the two ledge walls met. "So, by default, I spent a lot of time alone."

"So you left Forks to become a recluse, is that it?"

Resting my weight against the waist-high ledge, I turned to face her once again. She was absolutely striking in her color-block sheath dress and knee-high boots. "Not necessarily a recluse, but I didn't go out of my way to meet new people."

"I get it," Bella sighed. "I never really made many friends in college either."

I turned my face toward the beautiful skyline once again, enjoying the calm of the night and the woman sharing in my company. Bella joined me soon after, leaning on her elbows and partaking the breathtaking view of the city by my side. After a while, I could feel Bella's almond eyes on me and, at that moment, I knew our reverent silence would be short-lived.

"Just think, Edward. If you came to U-Dub, things might have been different for us. Maybe..."

As I looked down on her form, her hair blowing gently in the breeze, I knew that I had to stop her present train of though. I spent a lot of my time at Dartmouth thinking about the 'what-ifs' – what if I had stayed in Washington, what if I had not kissed Bella before I left, what if she didn't leave my bed that night. I am _done _thinking about what _could _have happened. The past was not as important as my future. Since I wasn't able to have Bella as a part of the five years that I lost in college, I wanted to make damn sure that she had a place in my – no, _our_ – future.

"A lot has changed, Bella, but a lot of things are still the same," I whispered, leaning my forearms atop the ledge to mimic her posture. In my new position, I noticed the familiar pendant for the first time since I had been home. It swayed in the light breeze as it hung from her delicate throat. "I haven't seen these in a very long time."

"Yeah," she whispered, almost to herself. "I tucked it in a drawer before I left for U-Dub. Found it last week and decided to wear it out again. It just _felt_ right..."

"Do you still believe in the power of these stones?"

Her hair shielded her features from me but I could tell by the crinkle in her nose that she was deep in thought.

"My mother... she wouldn't leave the house unless her chakra was aligned and only positive energy surrounded her. She believes so strongly in these things that it is almost crippling. When I was younger, I put as much faith in these stones as she did. But, before I left for college, I realized that... the stones could only do so much."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not that big of a deal, really. I just put too much faith in these," she whispered, bringing her eyes level with mine and clutching her chain in her fist, "and they let me down."

I was not sure to what she was specifically referring, but I could clearly see years of disappointment written all over her face. The confident woman I had come to know these past few weeks seemingly disappeared, leaving the frail little girl with pigtails and a bucket of dreams behind.

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her pain away.

But I couldn't. Kissing on the lips was against those silly rules of hers.

I _could_, however, relate to the sentiment.

"Well, for what it's worth," I interjected, "I believe the same way."

A puzzled look crossed her features. "What do you mean?"

"I've learned that you can't leave life up to fate, the stars, or stones like these," I stated, gesturing toward her necklace. "If you want something to happen, sometimes you have to _make _it happen. Be an active participant in your own fate."

"I see," Bella nodded, thoughtfully. "So, what have _you_ done to influence your own fate, Cullen?"

I chuckled lightly. "Not enough, obviously."

"Same here," she added with a chuckle.

"Well," I told her, rising to my full height and grabbing her hand, "it's never too late to start."

I tugged on her hand and she took my not-so-subtle hint, coming to stand before me with a dull fire in her eyes. I rested my weight against the ledge once more, pulling her body towards my own.

She was so beautiful, her hair swaying gently in the wind and a timid smile gracing her lips. Once she was within short reach, I brought my free hand to her cheek and traced her lips with the pad of my thumb. Bella closed her eyes at the tender caress and I wondered if she would let me steal just one brief kiss. But, as fate would have it, Bella moved even closer to me, entering my personal space. Once I felt her body weight press against the length of my body, I closed my eyes and relished the feeling.

Bella buried her nose in the crook of my neck and inhaled my scent, the moan she emitted giving me goosebumps in all the right places. I wrapped one arm low around her waist, the other snaking its way up her back to tangle its idle fingers in Bella's sweet-smelling hair. Both of her hands slowly crept around my torso and I heard her deep exhale once her arms completed their circuit around my waist. The slight breeze started to pick up some, but I didn't care. Enjoying the moment with Bella was my utmost priority.

Time slowed as I held her. Nothing else mattered when I held Bella in my arms.

Until I felt her press her lips once, twice against my neck and her hands drifted lower to caress my ass. Massaging gently, Bella clearly wanted to take her destiny into her own hands.

I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her even tighter against my groin. She moaned my name against my neck and I was suddenly paralyzed by the prospect of having Bella once again.

"This is such a bad fucking idea," I whispered through gritted teeth as Bella continued to plant gentle kisses against the pulse point in my neck.

"Do you have any idea how long I have been thinking about this? Wanting this?" When she bit my ear lobe in punctuation, my hands sprung back into action and began to roam the expanse of her back and backside.

"But we are not _alone_," I whispered in return, noting the houseful of people who partied beneath our feet.

Bella pulled back slightly to meet my gaze, keeping her body tightly pressed against mine. "No one will interrupt us, Cullen."

She brought her right index finger to my lips, deliberately catching its tip between my parted lips as it drew a path to the open collar of my button-down. My breathing became more erratic, my cock a little more intrigued.

"You know you want to," she whispered with a seductive smile. "As a matter of fact, your body is telling me everything I need to know," she said, emphasizing her point with a sensual swivel of her hips.

I was a goner.

I grabbed Bella by the hips and spun around so that her weight was now resting against the ledge. "Don't. Move," I told her.

She nodded slowly.

I made a mad dash for the door to the rooftop and swiftly turned the lock.

When I returned, Bella's back was to me once again, her palms flat against the surface of the ledge.

I came up behind her, laying my hands atop hers on the ledge. I pressed my cock against her backside and she returned the pressure with her sweet ass.

There were many things that I still did not know about this woman, so many things that we needed to talk about….

But, in the moment, I didn't care.

I bent over her, bringing my lips to her neck. Her heady scent brought back memories of our last night together – an unexpected but welcomed visitor, desperate fucking against the living room wall, hard and fast and 'now'. I was equally as desperate for her in _this_ moment, my body moving of its own volition against hers. I pressed her hips even harder into the stone ledge before us, willing our clothes to disappear so I could thoroughly enjoy the feel of her warm skin against mine.

I wanted to suck on her neck, to mark her as mine, but I had to keep myself in check tonight.

So, I satiated my desire to suck on her flesh by nipping a path from her collarbone along the gentle slope of her neck, finally resting on her ear lobe and sucking gently.

"More," she whispered, her breathing ragged and shallow.

My hands roamed aggressively along her body, caressing wherever I could reach. Once I found the hem of her dress, I pulled it up quickly and sought out the edge of her underwear.

To my surprise, I didn't feel any. Just the soft, supple skin of her luscious ass.

"You were taking so long with the lock," she panted. "I decided to give you a hand."

And then she proceeded to give _herself_ a hand – right between her legs.

I grew impossibly harder at the sight and promptly pulled back to loosen my slacks and boxer briefs.

"So, Cullen, when are you going to – _Oh God!" _

I was balls-deep inside of her before she could finish her statement. Her gasp radiated from her throat to her pussy and I felt her walls clench around me in such a familiar way. In a flash, we were skin to skin and I wanted nothing more than to fuck her senseless.

I started out slowly, refamiliarizing myself with her tight, wet pussy. I held her hips gently as I guided my cock through her moist folds. The night air was brisk, the breeze a nice contradiction to the heat that was building in my groin. Bella's mewls of pleasure were restrained but my body responded in kind to every single one.

I bent her over at the waist, keeping her hips in constant contact with mine as I continued to pound into her. My thrusts became even more erratic as her walls clenched around me in heightened frequency.

I stood proudly as I fucked her, selfishly gloating in the fact that _I _was making her heart beat like a snare drum… that it was _me _who was causing her to lose control. I lightly rubbed her back and her neck with one free hand, a stark contrast to the roughness with which I handled her from the waist down.

As the pitch of her squeals heightened, I tightened my grip on her waist and began to pound her even harder. I wanted her to cum with me. I _needed _to feel her release.

"That's it, baby," I cooed. "Cum for me."

After a few more thrusts, her body went still but her inner walls told a different story. Even though I couldn't see her face from this angle, I knew her bottom lip was caught between her teeth – her strained squeal a telltale clue. The mental picture of Bella's cum face sent me right over the edge.

My stroke slowed and my breathing returned to normal, but my mind continued to rage. What the fuck were we thinking, having sex on the rooftop while my sister entertained downstairs? What does this all mean – for us as friends, for us as _more_ than friends? How could Bella take me seriously as a lover and a friend if all I do is fuck her brains out on occasion? _Will_ she continue to let me fuck her after tonight?

"Stop doubting yourself, Cullen. You were spectacular." Bella beamed at me as she straightened out the hem of her dress.

_She knows me way too well…_

I reached for my pants and redressed quickly before meeting her gaze again. "That was such a _bad_ fucking idea, Bella."

"Yes," she agreed, a complete surprise to me. "But it was _so_ worth it," she concluded, flinging her thong in my direction as she made her way to the rooftop door.

I stood there, dumbfounded, as she unlocked the door with a chuckle.

"We'll see you downstairs, Cullen," she said, shutting the door behind her.

I quickly finished my wine and gathered my thoughts before heading back down to the party.

There was no sense in me brooding about Bella and our rather 'peculiar' arrangement.

It was _Allie's _night, after all.

* * *

**Not the chapter you expected, huh… but I gave you some smut, SO BE HAPPY, DAMMIT!**

**Honestly, guys, I had to add a little more context for what is to come.**

**Chapter 17, aka 'The Talk', will be up next week, so stay tuned. If you like what you've read, let me know! I *heart* reviews (and recs)!**

**- dye**


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